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Jokes about Women

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Lady goes to her doc.
"Doc, I have quite the problem. I can't control my gas. All day long I'm farting and farting. The only good news is they are the 'silent but deadly' type.
The Doc pauses for a moment and replies, "first let's get you fitted for a hearing aid."
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Old People Jokes Jokes about Women News and Politics Jokes Men vs Women Jokes
I like my women the same as I like my whiskey ...
20 years old and mixed up with coke !
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Old People Jokes Jokes about Women Drinking and Drunk Jokes Drug Jokes
Andrew went to Medical Insurance to apply for his pension.
The woman behind the bench asked for his driving license to verify his age, but he had left his wallet home.
He said to her that he had to go home and return later.
The woman said:
"Unbuckle your shirt."
And so he did, revealing his curly, gray hair of his chest.
"These gray hair is quite a nice proof for me," she said and continued with his application form.
When Andrew went home, he said to his wife what had happened.
"You should have taken your pants off," she said, "Maybe you would have taken disability pension too!"
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Old People Jokes Jokes about Women Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Insurance Comedy
John and Bob were inseparable childhood friends.
One night, they both died in a terrible car accident.
When John woke up in heaven, he began to search for Bob but could not find him anywhere.
Very distraught, he ran to St. Peter and said, "St. Peter, I know Bob was killed in that accident with me, but I can’t find him!"
St. Peter said, "My son, I am sorry to tell you Bob didn’t make it to Heaven."
This upset John so much that St. Peter agreed to let him see Bob one more time.
St. Peter parted the clouds and John saw Bob sitting in hеll with a keg on one side and a beautiful buxom blonde on the other.
John looked at St. Peter skeptically and said, "Are you sure I’m in the right place?"
"My son," St. Peter said, "looks can be deceiving. You see that keg of вееr? It has a hole in it. You see that woman? She doesn’t!"
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Friendship Jokes Jokes about Women Car and driving jokes Blonde Jokes Men jokes Heaven And Hell Jokes Sick and Death Jokes Beer Jokes
Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.
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Jokes about Women Chuck Norris Jokes Men jokes Sick and Death Jokes
A single woman who retired just a few months back walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch in her neighborhood.
"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said.
"What's your secret for a long happy life?"
"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said.
"I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."
"That's amazing," the woman said.
"How old are you?'
"Twenty-six," he said.
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Jokes about Women Food Jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Old People Jokes
Q: What happens if your dishwasher stops working?
A: You punch her in the face and remind her of her duties.
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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Dark Humor Jokes
I was walking down the street to a video store last night to rent a роrnо movie when I saw a woman being rареd.
Saved myself a fiver.
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Jokes about Women Dark Humor Jokes
Q. Why did the woman bury her husband 12 feet under?
A. Because deep down he's a good person.
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Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes
Which rabbit was a famous female aviator?
Amelia Harehart.
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Jokes about Women Animal Jokes
An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have: the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes
A woman woke in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from their bed.
In the stillness of the house, she could hear a muffled sound downstairs.
She went downstairs and looked around, still not finding her husband.
Listening again, she could definitely hear moaning.
She went down to the basement to find her husband, crouched in the corner facing the wall, sobbing.
"What's wrong with you?" she asked him.
"Remember when your father caught us together when you were 16?" he replied.
"And remember, he said, I had two choices - I could either marry you, or spend the next 20 years in prison."
Baffled, she said,
"Yes, I remember. So?"
"I would have gotten out today."
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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes
Companies are working on a camera which has such a fast shutter speed that it can take a picture of a woman with her mouth shut. Advance Booking open!
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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Men vs Women Jokes
How does a man save a woman from being attacked on the street at night?
He controls himself.
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Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes
This woman walks into a bar, and she has the hairiest armpits in the history of armpits.
She sits down, raises her arm, and says, "Bartender, I would like a drink."
There's an old drunк sitting next to her.
Slurring, he says, "Barkeep, I would like to buy the ballerina a drink."
She accepts, drinks it, raises her arm again to get the bartender's attention, and orders another.
The old man says, "Barkeep, you just keep giving the ballerina anything she wants."
Finally, the bartender goes over to the drunк and says, "Sir, that's nice of you, but how do you know she's a ballerina?"
The old man answers, "Son, you don't get to be my age without learning that only ballerinas can lift their legs that high."
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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Jokes about Women Men jokes Old People Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes
Two women are digging in the garden. One pulls out a foot-long carrot and says, "This one reminds me of my husband."
The second woman replies, "Your husband's is that long?"
Her friend answers, "No - that dirтy."
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Айше и Фатме събирали цвекло. Морков Моркови Πατάτες και γύφτισες Две циганки отишли на полето за моркови и едната изкарала един доста голям морков и казала на другата: Бригада циганки вадят на полето моркови. Една от тях показва на колежката си току-що изваден морков: Циганки вадят моркови на полето. Една от тях показва на друга какъв морков е извадила: C'est deux vieilles paysannes qui ramassent des patates, à un moment l'une d'elles saisit deux grosses patates pleines de terre et dit à l'autre : - Vingt dieux elle sont comme les couilles de mon Victor ! Alors l'autre répond : - Aussi grosses !? - Non, aussi sales ! 2 paysannes ramassent des patates. La première en saisit deux grosses pleines de terre et dit à l'autre : - Vindiou ! Elles sont comme les couilles de mon mari ! - Aussi grosses ?! - Non, aussi sales ! Huguette et Raymonde sont dans les champs en train de ramasser des patates. Raymonde en ramasse deux, les montre à Huguette et dit : - On dirait les couilles de mon René ! - Aussi grosses ? - Non, mais aussi sales ! Två kärringar gick omkring på grönsaksavdelningen när den ena plockade upp en jättegurka och sa: - Den här ser precis ut som bosses pick! Hennes väninna blev mycket imponerad, och efter ett tag... Twee vrouwen staan in de tuin winterpenen uit de grond te trekken. Zegt de ene : 'Ze lijken wel op die van Gerrit'. Zegt die andere : 'Is die zo groot dan?'. Zegt de ene weer : 'Nee, zo vies.'. Deux vieilles copines sont à ramasser les patates a la campagne. Une d'elle, tenant des juliettes en main, dit: "Tu vois Germaine, ces patates me font penser aux couilles de mon Robert." "Quoi?...
Gross Jokes Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes
What do mopeds and fат ladies have in common?
They're both a great ride until someone sees you on one.
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Sports Jokes Jokes about Women Dirty jokes Fat Jokes
Sitting at a Bar...
A woman is sitting at a bar, enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends, when an exceptionally tall, handsome, sеxy young man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him. The young man noticed her overly-attentive stare and walked directly toward her. Before she could offer her apologies for being rude and staring, the young man said to her ''I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to so, no matter how кinкy, for $100, on one condition.'' Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The young man replied, ''You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.'' The woman considered his proposition for a moment, withdrew from her purse five $20 bills, which she slowly counted into the young man's outstretched hand. She looked deeply into his eyes and slowly, meaningfully, said ''Clean my house.''
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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes
A German woman is walking down the street.
Eleven blonde guys walk up and attack her. She screams, ''Nein! Nein!'' so two guys walk away.
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News and Politics Jokes Jokes about Women Blonde Jokes Sex Jokes Communication Jokes Stupid Jokes
Three rabbits escape from a testing lab and find an entire field full of carrots.
They eat themselves into a stupor and sleep throughout the night. The next morning, they find an entire field full of female rabbits with no males in sight. They sсrеw themselves into a stupor and sleep throughout the night. The next morning, the rabbits get to talking.
"I'm gonna go back to that field of carrots," says one.
"I'm gonna go back to those cute little rabbits," says the second.
"I'm going back to the lab," says the third. "I'm dying for a cigarette."
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