Women - Page 46

What is the same with spreading butter on a toast and getting a woman to spread her legs?
It is possible with a credit card, but much easier with a knife.

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How is a police car like a women?
It flashes and It usually has a d*ck in it.

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Jokes about Women Police Officer Jokes

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

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Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes

For all those men who say, “Why buy the соw when you can get the milk for free”.
Here’s an update for you.
Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage, why?
Because women realize it’s not worth buying an entire
Pig, just to get a little sausage…

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Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes

A middle aged woman was driving through a school zone when a policeman pulled her over for speeding.
As he was giving her the ticket, she said, “How come I always get a ticket and everyone else gets a warning?
Is it my face?”
“No, ma’am,” explained the officer, “it’s your foot.”

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Police Officer Jokes Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes School Jokes

How are women and linoleum floors alike?
You lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them for the next 20 years.

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Sex Jokes Old People Jokes

Girl: "Girls are better than boys."
Boy: "Then why did God make boys first?"
Girl: "Duh, you have to have a rough draft before the final copy."

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Men jokes Jokes about Women Insult Jokes God Jokes Sexist Jokes

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."
She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

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Dirty jokes Jokes about Women Men jokes Sex Jokes Sexist Jokes Aviation Jokes

A woman came to his doctor with a left knee that was shot through.
The doctor asked her:
"What does it mean? Why did you shoot accurately your left knee?"
The woman tells him only:
"Sorry, but, you doctor, have told me that the heart is located two thumbs under my left вrеаsт."

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Jokes about Women Medical and Doctor Jokes Dirty jokes Communication Jokes

Woman delivers baby.
Doctor takes the baby, and throws it, smashing around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc.
Mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging "WHY!?"
Doctor holds baby upside down by the ankle and says "I'm just fuскing with you, it was born dead".

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Baby Jokes Jokes about Women Medical and Doctor Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Sick and Death Jokes Nurse jokes

This woman walks into a tattoo parlor and asks for a tattoo of a christmas tree on her right inner thigh and a cocktail drink on her left inner thigh.
The tatoo artist say thats an unusual request. "Why do you want two tattoos there?"
So she says "Because my husband needs to eat between christmas and new years."

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Jokes about Women Christmas Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes New year jokes

Three blonde men are on one side of a wide river and don't know how to get across.
The first man prays to God to make him smart enough to figure out how to cross the river, so God turns him into a brown-haired man and he swims across.
The second man prays to God to make him even smarter, so God turns him into a dark-haired man and he builds a boat and rows across.
Then the third man prays to God to make him the smartest of all, so God turns him into a woman and she walks across the bridge.

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Jokes about Women God Jokes Blonde Jokes Men jokes

A mother found out she was pregnant and told the good news to anyone who would listen.
One day when mother and son were shopping, a woman asked the little boy if he was excited about the new baby.
‘Yes!’ the four-year-old said.
‘And I know what we are going to name it, too.
If it's a girl we're going to call her Mary, and if it's another boy we're going to call it quits!'

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Jokes about Women News and Politics Jokes Kids Jokes

Whats six inches long, has a head on it and drives women wild ?
A fifty pound note !

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Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes

A guy dials his home phone number from work.
A strange woman answers.
The guy says,
"Who is this?"
"This is the maid," answered the woman.
"We don’t have a maid!"
"I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house."
"Well, this is her husband. Is she there?"
"Ummm…she’s upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I just figured was her husband."
The guy is fuming.
He says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?"
"What do I have to do?"
"I want you to get my gun from my desk in the den and shoot that witch and the jеrк she’s with."
The maid puts down the phone.
The guy hears footsteps, followed by a couple of gunshots.
The maid comes back to the phone. "What should I do with the bodies?"
"Throw them in the swimming pool!"
"What pool?”
"
"Uh.. is this 832-4173?"

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Phone jokes

What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how to work it.

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes

Why do women have 2% more brains then a соw?
So, when you pull their тiтs they won't shiт on the floor.

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Jokes about Women Animal Jokes Boob Jokes

A State Trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road and approaches the blonde lady driver.
"Mam, is there a reason that you're weaving all over the road"?
The woman replied, "Oh officer, thank goodness you're here!!
I almost had an accident!
I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me.
I swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me.
I swerved to the right and there was another tree in front of me!"
Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror, the officer replied, "Ma'am... that's your air freshener."

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Blonde Jokes Police Officer Jokes

A young woman for whom a marriage with an old man was being arranged by her parents refused to go through with the ceremony because as she put it, " I don't want to feel old age creeping on me!"

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes

He: So then, what's your sign?
She: Dollar.

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Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes