Women - Page 47

A guy dials his home phone number from work.
A strange woman answers.
The guy says,
"Who is this?"
"This is the maid," answered the woman.
"We don’t have a maid!"
"I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house."
"Well, this is her husband. Is she there?"
"Ummm…she’s upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I just figured was her husband."
The guy is fuming.
He says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?"
"What do I have to do?"
"I want you to get my gun from my desk in the den and shoot that witch and the jеrк she’s with."
The maid puts down the phone.
The guy hears footsteps, followed by a couple of gunshots.
The maid comes back to the phone. "What should I do with the bodies?"
"Throw them in the swimming pool!"
"What pool?”
"
"Uh.. is this 832-4173?"

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Man, to woman, ‘Do you want sеx?’
Woman, ‘Your place or mine?’
Man, ‘Well, if you’re going to argue.
Forget it.’

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Sex Jokes

The Taco Веll Chihuahua, a Doberman and a bulldog are in a doggie bar having a drink when a good-looking female collie comes up to them and says, ''Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me.
'' The Doberman says, ''I love liver and cheese.'' The collie replies, ''That's not good enough.'' The bulldog says, ''I hate liver and cheese.'' She says, ''That's not creative.'' Finally the Chihuahua says, ''Liver alone - cheese mine.''

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Jokes about Women Animal Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

What do you call a blonde standing on her head?
A brunette with bad breath.

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Blonde Jokes Jokes about Women Dirty jokes One-Liner Jokes

Why do women fаrт after they take a рiss?
Because they can't shake it, so they вlоw dry it.

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What do you call a black woman thats had 5 or more abortions?
Crime fighter.

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A man went to England on a trip and met a woman there, they grew to like each other enough for her to come to America with the man on his flight home.
When they got back to America the man said, “I would like to show you an American pastime: baseball.”
So the next day the man took her to a baseball game.
The first man came up to the plate and hit the ball to right field and got to first base, the next man bunted the ball and got to first base, and the third man came up to the plate and got walked.
The man said, “Are you understanding this game?”
The woman answered, “Yes, but what I don't understand is why the thrower hurls the ball at the first man and he hits it.
Then he hurls the ball at the second man and he taps it and runs to where the other man was standing.
And then the third man, this is the part I don't understand, the thrower hurls the ball and he just stand there, and he hurls the ball at him again and he just stands there, and he hurls the ball at him again and he just stands there, and he hurls the ball at him again and he just stands there then he just walks to the place where the other man was standing.”
Then the man says, “Well that is because he has four ваlls.”
The woman says, “Poor thing! He couldn't run if he tried.”

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If tinder has taught me one thing it's that there is an extraordinary amount of single girls named Shelby that love to ride horses

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I pray for:
Wisdom, To understand a man.
Love, To forgive him and;
Patience, For his moods.
Because if I pray for Strength
I'll just beat him to death.

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A Lady calls the airline office in New York and asks, "How long does it take to fly to Hawaii?"
The clerk says to her, "Just a second."
The woman says "Thank you", and hangs up.

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What do you get when you have sеx with a pregnant woman?
A baby with a black eye!

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A woman is speaking to her friend, ‘My husband has got one foot in the grate.’
‘Don’t you mean one foot in the “grave”?’ says the friend.
‘No,’ replies the woman.
‘He wants to be cremated.’

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How big is a Republican-size bed?
Wide enough for the man, the woman, and the ten-foot pole.

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What does an old woman have that a young woman doesn't?
A belly button between her воовs.

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Jokes about Women Old People Jokes Gross Jokes Boob Jokes

Doctor to woman patient:
"Your husband is too fond of strong coffee. You should not give it to him."
Patient:
"But you should see how excited he gets when I give him weak coffee."

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

What does a drunк walrus have in common with a woman at a tupperware party?
They're both out looking for a tight seal.

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Woman patient:
"Doctor I was suffering so much that I wanted to die."
Doctor:
"You did the right thing to call me."

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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption.
One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.'
The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'.
Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum.
Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.
Her husband responds, "But they are twins.
If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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What's 18 inches long and makes women scream all night ?
Crib death.

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Jokes about Women Dark Humor Jokes

There was a man who just got out of the army.
He was really hоrny and only had $5, so he went to a whоrе house. He told the women, ''Gimme anything you got.'' So then he is having sеx with this women and says ''Gosh, you're really rough inside.'' She says ''Hold on.'' and she goes to the bathroom. 10 minutes later she comes back and they start to do it again. He says ''Now you're really smooth. What happened?'' She says, ''I picked off all the scabs.''

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