Work Jokes, Office Jokes

Joe grew up in a small town, then moved away to attend college and law school. He decided to come back to the small town because he could be a big man in this small town. He really wanted to impress everyone.He opened his new law office, but business was very slow at first. One day, he saw a man coming up the sidewalk. He decided to make a big impression on this new client when he arrived.As the man came to the door, Joe picked up the phone. He motioned the man in, all the while talking..."No. Absolutely not. You tell those clowns in New York that I won't settle this case for less than one million..."
"Yes. The Appeals Court has agreed to hear that case next week. I'll be handling the primary argument and the other members of my team will provide support..."
"Okay. Tell the DA that I'll meet with him next week to discuss the details..."This sort of thing went on for almost 5 minutes. All the while the man sat patiently as Joe rattled instructions.Finally, Joe put down the phone and turned to the man."I'm sorry for the delay, but as you can see, I'm very busy. What can I do for you?"The man replied "I'm from the phone company...I came to hook up your phone."

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Burford is checking out of a hotel when suddenly he has to take a shiт real bad. The toilet in his room isn't working, so he bolts down to use the lobby Men's Room, but all of the stalls are occupied, so he runs back up to his room, and in desperation, he drops his pants, uproots a plant, and takes a shiт in the рот. Then he puts the plant back in the рот and leaves. Two weeks later, he gets a postcard from the hotel that says,
"Dear Mr. Burford... All is forgiven. Just tell us...where it is?"

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Office and Work Jokes Hotel Jokes

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students.The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?"
Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"
Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed. Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test. Principal:
"What is 3 x 3?"
Harry: "9".
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Harry: "36".
And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade."
Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions." The principal and Harry both agreed.
Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a соw have four of that I have only two of?"
Harry, after a moment: "Legs."
Ms. Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
The principal wondered, why would she ask such a question! Harry replied: "Pockets."
Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"
Harry: "Pants"
Ms. Brooks: What's starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?
Harry: "Coconut."The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open. Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"
The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer.
Harry: "Bubble gum"
Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?"
Harry: "Shake hands."
The principal was trembling. Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?"
Harry: "Firetruck"
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong!"

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School Jokes Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Animal Jokes Dogs Sleeping Anywhere Men jokes Student jokes Dog jokes

The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me."
"Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy."
"Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes

A woman who was driving down the highway pulled over to the side of the road when the policeman driving behind her turned on his lights and siren.
She didn't have her seat belt on so as soon as she stopped, she quietly slipped it on before the officer got to her window.
After talking to her about speeding, the officer said, "I see you are wearing your seat belt. Do you believe in wearing it at all times?"
"Yes, I do, officer," she politely replied.
"Interesting," said the officer. "Do you always loop it through your steering wheel like that?"

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Police Officer Jokes Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Car and driving jokes

Two blondes were repairing a roof, with one working on one side and one on the other.
After a while, one blonde noticed that her friend would carefully examine each nail before hammering it down, but half of the time she would toss the nail behind her after examining it.
Figuring that there couldn't be that many bad nails, she yelled out to her friend: "Why are you tossing out all those nails?"
"Well, those were all pointing the wrong way!" was the response.
Infuriated, the first blonde bellowed "You, idiот! Those are for my side of the roof!!"

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Blonde Jokes Office and Work Jokes Communication Jokes Stupid Jokes

Dad: "Who do you think the committee sсrеwеd this year?"
Me: "Mom."

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Dirty jokes Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes

Quick question:
Is it "for f*ucks sake" or "for f*uck sake"?
It's for work, so I want to make sure this email sounds professional.

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Office and Work Jokes

A married couple walks up to a wishing well. The guy leans over, makes a wish and throws in a penny.
His wife decides to make a wish, too, but she leans over too far, falls into the well and drowns.
The guy says, "Wow, it really works."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Office and Work Jokes

Sorry to have missed you, but I'm at the doctor's having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Office and Work Jokes Management Jokes Stupid Jokes

Q: Why do goalkeepers spend ages on the Internet?
A: Because they can't stop saving their work.

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IT jokes Office and Work Jokes Sports Jokes Soccer Jokes Internet Jokes

Yo mamma so sтuрid when she went to the library to get an application for a library card they said: "I need your ID" she gave them an EBT card.

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Yo Momma Jokes Office and Work Jokes Stupid Jokes

Q: What's a shy and retiring accountant?
A: An accountant who is half a million shy and that's why he's retiring.

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Accountant Jokes Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Old People Jokes

A man works in the operations department of a large bank.
Employees call him from the field when they have problems with their computers.
One night a blonde woman from a branch bank called him and said, "I've got smoke coming from the back of my computer terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"

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Blonde Jokes Office and Work Jokes Technology Jokes Computer Jokes Stupid Jokes Banker Jokes

Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system.
You are currently in 352nd place and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

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Mean Jokes Office and Work Jokes Communication Jokes

I applied for the position of a keeper at the zoo but turns out I was not koalafied.

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Office and Work Jokes Animal Jokes

Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation.
Chuck Norris needs toothpicks.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Office and Work Jokes

A man came home from an exhausting day at work, plopped down on the couch in front of the television, and told his wife: "Get me a вееr before it starts!" The wife sighed and got him a вееr. Ten minutes later, he said: "Get me another вееr before it starts!" She looked cross, but fetched another вееr and slammed it down next to him. He finished that вееr and a few minutes later said: "Quick, get me another вееr, it's going to start any minute!" The wife was furious. "Is that all you're going to do tonight! Drink вееr and sit in front of that TV! You're nothing but a lazy, drunken, fат slob and furthermore..."The man sighed and said: "It's started."

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Office and Work Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Beer Jokes

Yo mama so sтuрid, she thought Ewoks were just Homeless Care Bears on drugs.

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Drug Jokes Office and Work Jokes Yo Momma Jokes Stupid Jokes

Mother: "Why was the phone busy all night?"
Babysitter: "The fire department put me on hold."

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Office and Work Jokes Communication Jokes Phone jokes