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A drunken man staggered into a Catholic church, sat down in the Confessional and said nothing.
The priest is waiting and waiting and waiting. The priest coughs to attract the drunк man's attention, but still the man says nothing. The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak. Finally the drunк replies, ''No use knockin,' pal. There's no paper."

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Three ladies go to an exotic male sтriр club.
One friend pulls out a $10 bill, licks it and sticks it on a stripper's left вuтт cheek.Not to be outdone, the second friend pulls out a $50 bill, licks it and sticks it to his right вuтт cheek.The third friend pulls out her ATM card, swipes it down his сrаск, grabs the $60 and goes home.

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes

A man walks into a bar with a duck on his head. The bartender says, "May I help you, sir?"
The duck replies, "Yeah. Help me get this human out of my аss."

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes

Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender asks, "Olive or twist?"

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

You ever see the commercial where the little boy gets caught by his dad, and he's like, 'I got it from you, Dad.
I got it from you!'? I tried that with my father. I was like, 'I got it from you, Dad!' 'You been pinching my sh*t?' I got a whupping, and I had to buy another bag.

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes

Q: How can you tell if a guy likes Moosehead?
A: By the antler marks on his thighs!

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes

This guy walks into a bar and goes up to a man sitting at the bar. He says, "I just fuскеd your mother and I did it in your bed and I fuскеd her doggie style and I even made her give me a вlоwjов. What do you think about that?"
The other guy says, ''Shut up Dad, you're drunк again."

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes

The mushroom sits back and asks ,''Why not?
I'm a fun guy (fungi)!

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes

What has 72 arms and 36 heads an has an I.
Q. of 12? A redneck bar on Friday night

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes

As pothead walks down the road, a genie appears in front of him. "I'll grant you two wishes," says the genie.
The pothead replies, "I want a never ending joint."
The genie says, "As you wish," and gives him the joint.
The pothead takes a long drag and says, "Awesome! I want another one!"

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes

A guy goes to the psychiatrist wearing shorts made of clear plastic wrap. The psychiatrist says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes

A boy is born without a body, only a head. For his 18th birthday his father, takes him to a bar for a drink.
The father orders his son a scotch and when the boy drinks it, an arm pops out of his head. He drinks another shot and another arm pops out. After the next shot a torso pops out. After more shots, suddenly, he has a whole body.
The boy runs out of the bar and gets hit by a truck, killing him instantly. A drunkard in the corner looks at the father and says, "He should have quit while he was a head."

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes

A cop pulls over a guy and says, "Your eyes are awfully red. Have you been drinking?"
"Gee, officer," the man replies. "Your eyes are awfully glazed - have you been eating doughnuts?"

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes

Is that Windex in your pants?
Because I can sure see myself in them.

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes

A lady goes into a bar with her goose. Then the bartender comes up to her and says, "Why did you have to bring the pig in with you?"
Then the lady answered, "Excuse me, I think this is a goose."
And the bartender says, ''Excuse me , I was talking to the goose.''

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Jokes about Women Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Animal Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

A poor man and woman sat down in their living room and the man said, "I'm going down to the pub for a bit, so put your coat on."
The woman replied, ''Oh, sweetie, why? Are you taking me with you?''
The man replied, ''No, I'm turning the heat off.''

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes

A drunк man was staggering home with a pint of вооzе in his back pocket when he slipped and fell heavily.
Struggling to his feet, he felt something wet running down his leg. "Please God," he thought. "Let it be blood!"

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes

A man walks into a bar and says,"Excuse me, I'd like a pint of вееr."
The bartender serves the drink and says, "That'll be four dollars." The customer pulls out a twenty-dollar bill and hands it to the bartender."
Sorry, sir," the bartender says, "but I can't accept that." The man pulls out a ten-dollar bill and the bartender rejects his money again. "What's going on here?" the man asks. Pointing to a neon sign, the bartender explains, "This is a Singles Bar."

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Money jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes Beer Jokes

A dentist, an electrician, and a carpenter decide to play a practical joke their best friend on his wedding night.
"I'll loosen some joints on his bed so it collapses when he's making love," says the carpenter.
"I'll hot wire his mattress so they'll feel immense heat while making love," says the electrician.
"Those are good ideas," says the dentist. "But my contribution's going to be a real surprise."
The next day the new husband comes to the diner to meet his friends. He says "I congratulate you guys for making the bed heat up and collapse, but I'm gonna кill whichever one of you put novocaine in the massage oil!"

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Wedding jokes Friendship Jokes Dentist Jokes Love Jokes

A cop pulls over a car that's been swerving across the lanes of a road.
"Get out of the car, please."
"But I'm not drunк, officer!"
"Listen, it doesn't matter if you're drunк or not. If you don't get out of this car, I'll arrest you anyway."
"Fine," says the man and gets out of the car.
"Okay, now walk this yellow line." The man looks at the line.
"Which one of them do I walk on?"

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Office and Work Jokes Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Men jokes

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