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Harry Potter can't go back to Hogwarts. But, why? Because all classed will be held online

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This an interactive joke, so have a piece of paper and pen handy.
A blonde woman walks into an auto parts store and the parts man asks how she is doing and what can he do for her.
She replies, "Fine, I need a seven-ten cap for my car." The man asks," A seven-ten cap? Where does it go, I've never heard of such a thing?"
The blonde angrily replies, "It goes on top of the engine and don't think just because I'm blonde I don't know what I'm talking about!!" Perplexed,the parts man asks if she would draw him a picture and maybe help him out in figuring out what it is she needs.
Reader: Draw the number 710 in the middle of the paper and draw a circle around the whole number. Now turn the paper upside down.

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Blonde Jokes

Went to the doctor for my yearly physical.
The nurse starts with certain basics.
How much do you weigh?' she asks. '135,' I say.
The nurse puts me on the scale. It turns out my weight is 180.
The nurse asks, 'Your height?'
'5 feet 4",' I say.
The nurse checks and sees that I only measure 5'2".
She then takes my blood pressure and tells me it is very high.
'Of course it's high!' I scream, 'When I came in here I was tall and slender! Now I'm short and fат!'
She put me on Prozac. What a вiтсh.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Nurse jokes

A man went to the doctor and said: “Doctor, I keep having visions of the future.”
“When did these start?”
“Next Thursday.”

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Medical and Doctor Jokes One-Liner Jokes

There were these two blondes driving along the highway looking for a place to stop and picnic.
The first blonde says, "Let's stop here, and have our picnic under that tree."
The other says, "No! Let's have it right here in the middle of the road."
They argued about it for a bit, but finally agreed to have it in the middle of the road.
All of a sudden, a car comes speeding towards them and has to swerve into the tree to keep from hitting them.
The one blonde says to the other, "See? If we were under that tree, we'd be dead now!"

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Blonde Jokes

A guy calls a law office and says: "I want to talk to my lawyer."
The receptionist replies, "I'm sorry, but he died last week."
The next day he phones again and asks the same question. The receptionist replies, "I told you yesterday, he died last week."
The next day the guy calls again and asks to speak to his lawyer. By this time the receptionist is getting a little annoyed and says, "I keep telling you, your lawyer died last week. Why do you keep calling?"
The guy says, "Because I just love hearing it."

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Judge and Court Jokes Lawyer Jokes

A redhead, brunette, and blonde are all in the hospital waiting to give birth.
The redhead turns to the brunette and says, " I was on top so im going to have a girl"
The brunette looks at the redhead and says " Well i was on the bottom so i'm going to have a boy".
All of a sudden they both hear snifflin, and turn to look at the blonde and she is crying and bawling her eyes out, and they say " Whats the matter honey?"
The blonde says with a sad face " I'm gonna have puppy's!!"

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Blonde Jokes

Five blondes go into a bar and one of them says to the bartender, "A round of drinks for me and my friends".
They get their drinks and the raise their glasses to a toast of, "To 51 days!" and they drink. The "head blonde" asks the bartender to set them up again. Again, the blondes toast "To 51 days!" and they drink. After they order a third round, the bartender says that he has to ask what the toast means. The head blonde says, "We just finished a jigsaw puzzle. On the box it said, "two to four years" and we finished it in 51 days".

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Blonde Jokes

Chuck Norris once went sky diving, he did not use a parachute. The spot he landed on is now known as the Grand Canyon.

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Sports Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes

A elderly retiree wobbled gingerly into an ice cream shoppe and carefully, slowly climbed up onto a counter stool.
He wheezed for a minute, then ordered a chocolate sundae.
“Crushed nuts?” asked the server.
“No,” he answered.
“Bad knees.”

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Dirty jokes Old People Jokes Chocolate Jokes

Monahan stumbled into a saloon, half crocked.
"Say," he said to the bartender, "how tall is a реnguin?"
"About two and a half feet."
"Thank God!" cried Monahan. "I thought I ran over a nun!"

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God Jokes Animal Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Cowboys and Indians Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

A guy dies whilst making love to his wife.
A few days later the undertaker calls her and says, "Your husband still has a hard-on, what shall I do with it?"
The wife replies, "Cut it off and shove it up his аrsе!"
The undertaker does as he is told.
On the day of the funeral the wife visits her husband for the last time and sees a tear rolling down his face, so she whispers in his ear, "It fuскing hurts doesn't it!"

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Marriage and Family Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Funeral jokes Sick and Death Jokes Love Jokes

Music teacher tells Peter: "I warn you, if you will not behave, as appropriate, I tell your parents that you have a talent for music."

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School Jokes Parent Jokes Music and Musician Jokes

You: "I'm only 35, I have my whole life ahead of me."
Sports Broadcaster: "Here comes the oldest player in the league. He's 32. A miracle."

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Sports Jokes Old People Jokes

Four nuns were attending a baseball game. Four men were sitting directly behind them.
Because their habits were partially blocking the view, the men decided to badger the nuns hoping that they’d get annoyed enough to move to another area.
In a very loud voice, the first guy said, "I think I’m going to move to Utah. There are only 100 nuns living there."
Then the second guy spoke up and said, "I want to go to Missouri, there are only 75 nuns living there."
The third guy said, "I want to go to Texas, there are only 50 nuns living there."
The fourth guy said, "I want to go to Maine. There are only 25 nuns living there."
The mother superior turned around, looked at the men, and in a very sweet and calm voice said, "Why don’t you go to hеll, there aren’t any nuns there!"

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Sports Jokes Men jokes

If Chuck Norris movies were in 3D, the audience would be dead.

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Technology Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Where do milk shakes come from?
Nervous cows.

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Food Jokes Animal Jokes

Q. Difference between a man buying a lottery ticket and a man fighting with his wife...
A. A man has a chance at winning at the lottery.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes

A 60-year-old millionaire has just married a 20-year-old model.
‘You crafty old devil,’ says his friend.
‘How did you manage to get a lovely young wife like that?’
‘Easy,’ replies the millionaire.
‘I told her I was 95.’

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Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Old People Jokes Friendship Jokes

God created the man.
He noticed that the man is hungry he created bread .
He understood the man is thirsty so he originated water.
He considered the man feels cold so he created fire .
At the end God recognized the man is very comfortable then he created WOMAN!!

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Marriage and Family Jokes

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