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You know you're a redneck when your mom, dad, aunt, and uncle are two people.

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The policeman tells Johny at the police station following:
"The thief who wanted to steal your wallet has got: a broken nose, three broken ribs, a concussion of the brain and he misses a bunch of his hair at the back of his head."Please, tell me Johny, how much money did you have in your wallet?"
Johny: "Only three euros."
The policeman: "Goodness! I suppose that if you would have ten euros in your wallet, the thief would probably not survive your self-defense-trial."

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Money jokes Little Johnny Jokes Police Officer Jokes

Yo mama so old she had a wedding picture with George Washington.

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Old People Jokes Wedding jokes Political Jokes Yo Momma Jokes

A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.

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New year jokes

HR manager to job candidate: ‘I see you’ve had no computer training.
Although that qualifies you for upper management, it means you’re under-qualified for our entry level positions.’

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Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes Management Jokes Boss Jokes

I really do have a soft spot for my MIL.
It's out in the garden behind the garage.

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Mother-in-Law Jokes

Q: Why aren't there more famous skeletons?
A: They're a bunch of no bodies!

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Halloween Jokes

I and my two mates went to a hоокеr and she told us that it will cost us a pound an inch.
My first mate went in and came out after minutes, saying, it cost me a tenner!
My second mate went in and came out ten minutes later and said, it cost me £9.50!
I went in and came out ten minutes later and said, it cost me £3.50.!
"What do you mean," they asked me.
"I told them, you both paid on the way in but I paid on the way out."

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Money jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Friendship Jokes Communication Jokes

A drunк sitting at a bar observes a very snobby woman participating in a wine tasting contest.
She was very good at identifying the wine.
At the first taste she says: "Cabernet Sauvignon, 1998" and all the people were amazed.
At the 2nd try she answers "Cabernet Sauvignon, 1953" and they were once again amazed.
Then the drunк рissеs in a glass and hands it to her.
She tries it and says "Yak, this tastes like рiss!"
And the drunк says, "Yeah, but what year was I born?"

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Jokes about Women Gross Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Wine jokes

I drank so much wine last night that when I walked across the dance floor to get another glass, I won the dance competition.

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Wine jokes

A father was advising his son: "If you want to have a big and strong diск in future you have to eat more walnuts."
Suddenly son's mother by an angry face shouted: "Why when you were child did'nt eat enough walnut yourself?"

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Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Dirty jokes Dad Jokes Communication Jokes

Why is Apple offering a free case for all iPhone 6 buyers?
It doesn't help with reception, but protects the iPhone when you throw it against the wall after dropping another call!

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Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes Apple and iPhone Jokes Phone jokes

Phil, a smart and handsome young man, dressed in the latest fashion, walked into this local pub.
He noticed a woman gazing at him without blinking her big eyes.
Phil felt flattered so he walked up to the woman and said in his deepest voice, "I'll do anything you wish, beautiful lady, for just £10 but on one condition."
"The woman appeared to be trapped in the moment and asked as if in a trance,'What's your condition?"
Phil answered, "Tell me your wish in just three words."
There was a long pause, the woman opened her purse, counted out the money and handed it to the man along with her address.
She then looked deeply into his eyes and whispered, "Clean my house."

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Jokes about Women Money jokes Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes Beauty Jokes Communication Jokes

The bean soup I'd ordered was mostly water.
I decided to tell the waitress.
"This soup is awful," I said.
"I know," she said. "I don't like bean soup either."

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Food Jokes Waiter Jokes Customer service jokes Communication Jokes

Раddy asks Murphy, 'Why do scuba divers fall off their boats backwards?"
Murphy replies, "If they fell forwards they'd still be on the fuскing boat!"

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Sports Jokes Sailor Jokes

A turtle is crossing the road when he's mugged by two snails.
When the police show up, they ask him what happened.
The shaken turtle replies, "I don't know. It all happened so fast."

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Animal Jokes Police Officer Jokes

Q: Why did the woman get thrown out of the riding stable?
A: She wanted to mount the horse her way.

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Jokes about Women Animal Jokes

A guy was walking along the street when he saw a crowd of people running towards him.
He stopped one of the runners and asked, "What’s happening?"
The runner replied breathlessly, "A lion has escaped from the zoo."
"Oh my, which way is it heading?"
"Well you don’t think we are chasing it, do you?"

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Animal Jokes

Chuck Norris invented zombies so he could кill his victims again

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Chuck Norris Jokes

A guy goes into a store and tells the clerk, "I’d like some Polish sausage."
The clerk looks at him and says, "Are you Polish?"
The guy, clearly offended, says, “"Well, yes I am. But let me ask you something. If I had asked for Italian sausage would you ask me if I was Italian? Or if I had asked for German bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or if I had asked for a taco would you ask if I was Mexican? Would ya, huh? Would ya?"
The clerk says, "Well, no."
With deep self-righteous ndignation, the guy says, "Well, all right then, why did you ask me if I’m Polish just because I ask for Polish sausage?"
The clerk replies, "Because this is Home Depot."

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Mexican jokes Jewish Jokes Dog jokes

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