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Most popular jokes - Page 96
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One night, a man on his way home happened upon a drunк, down on his hands and knees searching for something under a street light. The man asked the drunк what he was looking for so diligently and the drunк said he had tripped and his Rolex wrist watch had broken loose from his wrist. The man, being a kindhearted soul, got down on his hands and knees and began assisting the drunк looking for his watch. After about ten minutes without any success, the man asked the drunк exactly where he tripped. "About a half a block up the street," the drunк said. "Why, pray tell," the man asked the drunк, "are you looking for your watch here if you lost it a half a block up the street?" The drunк replied, "The light is a lot better here."
We are about to enter the summer and BBQ season.Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity, as it's the only type of cooking a "real" man will do, probably because there is an element of danger involved.When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:Routine...1. The woman buys the food.2. The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.3. The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - вееr in hand.Here comes the important part:4. THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.More routine...5. The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.6. The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another вееr while he deals with the situation.Important again:7. THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.More routine....8. The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.9. After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.And most important of all:10. Everyone praises the MAN and thanks HIM for his cooking efforts.11. The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.
A man walked in to a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Shop, and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.
Married 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said,
1. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.2. On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared completely.3. She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.4. The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1993.5. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.6. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male. Mentally alert but forgetful.8. The patient refused an autopsy.9. The patient has no past history of suicides.10. Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.11. Patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.13. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.14. She is numb from her toes down.15. While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.16. The skin was moist and dry.17. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.18. Patient was alert and unresponsive.19. Rестаl exam revealed a normal size thyroid.20. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.21. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.22. Both вrеаsтs are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.23. Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.24. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.25. The patient was to have a воwеl re-section. However, he took a job as a lawyer instead.26. Skin: Somewhat pale but present.27. The pelvic examination will be done later on the floor.28. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who feltwe should sit on the abdomen and I agree.29. Patient has two teenage children, but no otherabnormalities.
Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man in a three-piece suit. "This young lawyer agreed to marry my daughter," said one.
A blonde was hard up for money, so she walked around her neighborhood, trying to find a job.