Newest jokes - Page 2812

A blonde and a brunette are living together. The brunette came home from work one day and the blonde had a rope around her waist.
The brunette asked why the rope was around her waist. The blonde said that she was trying to commit suicide.
The brunette said,
"You put it around your neck!"
The blonde replied, "I tried that but I couldn't breathe!"

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Blonde Jokes

Old Aunt Cora went to her doctor to see what could be done about her troublesome constipation. "It's terrible," she said to the doctor. "I haven't moved my воwеls in more than a week."
"I see. Have you done anything about it?" asked the doctor.
"Oh, yes," Aunt Cora replied, "I sit in the bathroom for a good half of an hour in the morning and then again at night."
"No," the doctor said,
"I mean do you take anything?"
"Of course I do." she answered, "I take a magazine."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor.
With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small реnis.
After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, "Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem."
The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pan cakes in the middle of the table.
"Gee, Mom," he exclaimed. "For me?"
"Just take two," Brenda replied, "The rest are for your father."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

A lawyer's dog, running around town unleashed, heads for a butcher shop and steals a roast. The butcher goes to the lawyer's office and asks, "if a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?" The lawyer answers, "Absolutely."
"Then you owe me $8.50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today." The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8.50. The butcher, having a feeling of satisfaction, leaves. Three days later, the butcher finds a bill from the lawyer: $100 due for a consultation.

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Lawyer Jokes Dog jokes

The patient was lying in bed, still groggy from the effects of the recent operation. His doctor came in, looking very glum.
"I can't be sure what's wrong with you," the doctor said. "I think it's the drinking."
"Okay," the patient said. "Can we get an opinion from a doctor who's sober?"

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

What did the buffalo say when his son left for college?
Bison!

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One-Liner Jokes

A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the Blonde CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
'Listen,' said the CEO, 'this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work for me?'
'Certainly,' said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
'Excellent, excellent!' said the CEO, as his paper disappeared inside the machine. 'I just need one copy...'

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Blonde Jokes Secretary Jokes

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places.
He told me to quit going to those places.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes One-Liner Jokes

An older gent had an appointment to see a urologist who shared an office with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients. He approached the receptionist desk. The receptionist was a large imposing woman who looked like a wrestler.
He gave her his name. In a very loud voice the receptionist said,
"Yes, I see your name here. You want to see the doctor about impotence, right?"
All of the patients in the waiting room snapped their head around to look at the very embarrassed man.
He recovered quickly though, and in an equally loud voice replied, "No, I've come to inquire about a sеx change operation and I'd like the same doctor that did yours!"

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

From a passenger ship one can see a bearded man on a small island who is shouting and desperately waving is hands.
"Who is it?" a passenger asks the captain.
"I have no idea. Every year when we pass, he goes mad like that."

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One-Liner Jokes Military Jokes

I've heard the Canadian Prime-Minister has a French last name.
Is this Trudeau?

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Canadian jokes

What does the Secret Service say when Donald Trump gets shot at?
"Donald! Duck!"

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Duck jokes American Presidents Humor

I've finally worked out why Spain is so good at football.
Nobody expects the Spanish in position.

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Spanish jokes

How do they play Pokemon Go in Gaza Sтriр?
They grab a round rock from the ground and say:
"Pick-a-jew"!

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Jewish Jokes Pokémon jokes

I dreamt about a horse last night.
It turned out to be a night mare.

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Horse jokes

A bomb just went off in a paris cheese shop
There is de brie everywhere!

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Cheese jokes

What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter?
Steve. Just because he's irrelephant doesn't mean we don't use his name.

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Elephant jokes

Being tall is an enormous responsibility
Short people look up to you.

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Short people jokes

Use chemicals to remove polish and no one bats an eye
Use chemicals to remove the Polish and you're literally Нiтlеr.

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Hitler Jokes Polish jokes

Why does Helen Keller play piano with only one hand?
Because she uses the other one to sing

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Helen Keller Jokes

Latest Jokes