Latest Jokes

Το ευαγγέλιο Завършва църковната служба, свещеникът обявява: A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17." Un dimanche, à la messe, le curé dit: - La semaine prochaine, je ferai mon sermon sur le mensonge. Pour en savoir plus sur ce pêché, je vous invite à lire l'évangile selon St Marc, chapitre 17. Le dimanche suivant, alors qu'il s'apprête à monter en chaire pour le prêche, le curé pose la question:... Pastori lopetti saarnansa kertoen seuraavan sunnuntain saarnassaan käsittelevänsä valheen syntiä. Sitä varten hän kehotti kaikkia lukemaan ennalta Markuksen evankeliumin 17. luvun. Seuraavana... A prédikátor a mise végén így szól a gyülekezethez: - Jövő héten a hazugságról lesz szó. Addig olvassátok el Márk könyvének 17-ik fejezetét! Következő héten így szól a hívekhez: - Emelje fel a... Kněz praví na mši svým věřícím: "Příští neděli budu kázat o lži a chci, abyste si všichni přečetli sedmnáctou kapitolu Markova evangelia." O týden později se před kázáním ptá z kazatelny, kdo... Sveštenik je završio dugačku nedeljnu misu rečima: - "Sledeće nedelje, glavna tema moje besede biće greh laganja. Da biste lakše shvatili moju narednu besedu, želim da svi do naredne nedelje...
God Jokes
There were four country churches in a small Texas town:
The Presbyterian Church, the Baptist Church, the Methodist Church and the Catholic Church. Each church was overrun with pesky squirrels. One day, the Presbyterian Church called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels. After much prayer and consideration they determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will. In the Baptist Church the squirrels had taken up habitation in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a cover on the baptistery and drown the squirrels in it. The squirrels escaped somehow and there were twice as many there the next week. The Methodist Church got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creation. So, they humanely trapped the Squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later, the squirrels were back. But - The Catholic Church came up with the best and most effective solution. They baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.
God Jokes
God Jokes
The Pope goes to New York.
He is picked up at the airport by a limousine. He looks at the beautiful car and says to the driver, ''You know, I hardly ever get to drive. Would you please let me?'' The driver is understandably hesistant and says, ''I'm sorry, but I don't think I'm supposed to do that.'' But the pope persists, ''Please?'' The driver finally lets up. ''Oh, all right, I can't really say no to the pope.'' So the pope takes the wheel, and boy, is he a speed demon! He hits the gas and goes around 100 mph in a 45 zone. A policeman notices and pulls him over. The cop walks up and asks the pope to roll down the window. Startled and surprised, the young officer asks the pope to wait a minute. He goes back to his patrol car and radios the chief. Cop: ''Chief, I have a problem.'' Chief: ''What sort of problem?'' Cop: ''Well, you see, I pulled over this guy for driving way over the speed limit but it's someone really important.'' Chief: ''Important like the mayor?'' Cop: ''No, no, much more important than that.'' Chief: ''Important like the governor?'' Cop: ''Wayyyyyy more important than that.'' Chief: ''Like the president?'' Cop: ''More.'' Chief: ''Who's more important than the president?'' Cop: ''I don't know, but he's got the pope DRIVING for him!''
Пристигнал папата на посещение в София и се качил на едно такси за да разгледа забележителностите. Папата шофер Ο Πάπας Der Papst reist im Auto durch die menschenleere Einöde Kanadas. De paus gaat op bezoek in scherpenheuvel voor een zaligverklaring. De vaste pausmobielchauffeur Giovanni van de paus zegt: "Hoogheid Belgie ligt niet zover van Rome als we nu eens met de... Папата отлетял към Ню Йорк за конференция. Събудил се сутринта в хотела и видял, че закъснява. Облякъл се набързо, спрял едно такси и казал на шофьора: Η Φεράρι έκανε δώρο στον Πάπα το καλύτερό της μοντέλο. Την άλλη μέρα, ο οδηγός μπροστά, ο Πάπας πίσω βγαίνουν για βόλτα στην εθνική Le pape vient juste de terminer sa visite de Paris en papamobile. Il est sur le point de monter dans une limousine pour aller à Roissy; et soudain pris d'une envie de conduire une Safrane irrépressible, il demande au chauffeur de monter à l'arrière,... Papa makam otosuyla Roma’da dolaşmaktadır. Bir süre sonra canı sıkılır ve şoför’e durmasını söyler. Şoför’ü arkaya geçirir ve arabayı kendisi kullanmaya başlar. Araç kullanmanın zevkine varınca... O papa veio ao Brasil e um motorista numa Mercedes apanhou-o para levá-lo a São Paulo. Andava devagar e o papa pediu que corresse mais, porém ele disse que não podia, pois havia guardas na estrada.... While the pope was visiting the USA, he told the driver of his limo that he has the sudden urge to drive. The driver was a good Catholic man, and would not ever dream of questioning the pope's... Der Papst unternimmt wieder einmal eine seiner Reisen, diesmal nach Südamerika. In einem der dortigen Länder müssen die Wege zwischen den einzelnen Reisestationen mit dem Auto zurückgelegt werden.... En el Vaticano el Papa estaba súper aburrido, entonces no encuentra nada mejor que llamar a su chofer para salir a recorrer las calles de roma, pero el chofer conducía tan lento que el Papa más... Na última viagem do Papa ao EUA, durante a viagem de avião, ele bebeu muito vinho. Ao descer do avião já disse para seu motorista que iria dirigir e o motorista deixou. O Papa que estava para lá de... Le pape arrive à l'aéroport de Roissy où l'état a mis à sa disposition une limousine. Or le pape est un FAN d'automobile. Il supplie le chauffeur de lui laisser prendre le volant. Après quelques... A pápa elhatározza, hogy inkognitóban bemegy Rómába. Beül a sötétített ablakú limuzinba, és megmondja a sofőrnek, hogy irány a város! A sofőr azonban baromira be van rezelve, mert még sosem vitte a... Cica a venit papa in Romania. Si mergea el cu masina condusa de sofer si cum nu-i placea felul in care conducea masina ii spune sa se dea la o parte ca sa conduca papa. Incepe papa si baga viteza... Dopo aver caricato tutti i bagagli del Papa nella limousine, l'autista nota che Sua Santità sta ancora aspettando sul marciapiede e l'autista al Papa: - "Mi scusi, Santità vorrebbe per favore... Popiežius vėlavo atskristi į svarbų susitikimą. Kai nusileido, jis prašė vairuotoją važiuoti greičiau, kad suspėtų. Vairuotojas padidino greitį, tačiau popiežiui atrodė, kad jie vis dar važiuoja... Der Papst wird von seinem Chauffeur umhergefahren. Dem Papst wird langweilig, also bittet er seinen Chauffeur, ob er mit ihm mal die Plätze tauschen kann. Der Papst meint, er liebe es Autos zu...
God Jokes Aviation Jokes Boss Jokes
A woman had a parrot that she took with her everywhere she went. She would even take the parrot to the club with her when she went dancing and drinking on Saturday nights.
Whenever the woman went onto the dance floor, the parrot would yell, "The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire, we don't need no water-let the muthafukkah burn! Burn, muthafukkah, burn!"
The crowd on the dance floor would always cheer and holler in appreciation when the parrot would yell. This would make the parrot yell even more and of course make the crowd go wild. This would go on all night long, every time the parrot went out.
One Sunday morning the woman took the parrot to church and into the choir section with her, and when the choir started to sing, the parrot yelled, ''The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire, we don't need no water-let the muthafukkah burn! Burn, muthafukkah, burn!''
She was horrified and corrected the parrot, "No, you don't say that here!"
The parrot looked around and asked, "Why not? These are the same muthafukkahs that was at the club last night!"
God Jokes
God Jokes Priest Jokes
There was a long, long line of spirits at the gate waiting to get into heaven. Not all these spirits could fit into heaven, so the ones who died the worst death would be allowed in.
The first man in line started telling his story, "Well, Peter, you see, I knew that my wife was cheating on me so I decided to come home early from work one day to catch them in action. I got home and searched all over but I couldn''t find him. Then when I walked out onto the balcony, there he was dangling off the dаrn thing by his fingertips. So I ran and got a hammer then started beating him with it and he fell. Well, the fall didn't кill him, because he landed in a bush so I picked up the refrigerator and threw it on him. Although that killed him, the strain gave me a heart attack, and here I am."
The next man came up and started his story. "St. Peter, I always work out on my balcony on the 14th floor of my apartment building. I was on my bike one day and I fell off when it flipped. I sailed over the rail and I thought ''Please God spare my life'' and he did. I caught on to a balcony below me. I was even happier when a man discovered me hanging there. But all of a sudden he started beating my hands with a hammer so I fell again. But the dear Lord saved me again when I landed in a bush. But I''m here now because the guy threw his refrigerator on top of me."
It was now the third guy's turn to start his story. "Well, Peter, just picture this. I'm hiding вuтт nакеd in this married chick''s refrigerator....."
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God Jokes