Latest Jokes

John, who was in financial difficulty, walked into a church and started to pray.
''Listen God,'' John said. ''I know I haven't been perfect but I really need to win the lottery. I don't have a lot of money. Please help me out.'' He left the church, a week went by, and he hadn't won the lottery, so he walked into a synagogue. ''Come on, God,'' he said. ''I really need this money. My mom needs surgery and I have bills to pay. Please let me win the lottery.'' He left the synagogue, a week went by, and he didn't win the lottery. So, he went to a mosque and started to pray again. ''You're starting to disappoint me, God,'' he said. ''I've prayed and prayed. If you just let me win the lottery, I'll be a better person. I don't have to win the jackpot, just enough to get me out of debt. I'll give some to charity, even. Just let me win the lottery.'' John thought this did it, so he got up and walked outside.
The clouds opened up and a booming voice said, ''John, buy a fuскing lottery ticket.''
Three couples want to join a church, but the pastor has a rule that all new members must go three weeks without having sеx.
Three weeks go by and the first couple comes back. The pastor says, "So how did it go?"
"It was pretty hard, but we made it," says the first couple.
"Well, welcome to our church," says the pastor.
The second couple comes back and the pastor asks them the same question. Their reply is the same as the first couple's.
The third couple comes back and the pastor asks them the same question, and they reply, "Well, we were doing pretty well until last night when she веnт over to pick up that can of pork and beans and I just put it to her."
"Well, I'm sorry, but you're not welcome to our church," says the pastor.
"That's okay," says the third couple, "We're moving. We're not welcome at the grocery store either."