Newest jokes - Page 398

Yo mama's so ugly that slender-man ran from her.
She's also the reason why slender-man doesn't have eyes.

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One day, a teacher walks into her classroom to start the lesson. She walks up to the board and sees in little writing the word "реnis".
She thinks nothing of it and wipes it off.
The next day, she comes in and sees the word "реnis", only this time it"s a little bit вiggеr.
She wipes it off again.
Sure enough, the next day she comes in and sees "реnis" on the board a little вiggеr.
This proceeds until the end of the year when finally, it"s across the whole board.
The teacher wonders what"s gonna happen the next day since it"s taking up all the space on the board.
When she came in the next day but doesent find "реnis".
This time she finds written, "The more you rub it, the вiggеr it gets".

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School Jokes

Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.

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Office and Work Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes One-Liner Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Q: Why do hоrny women order at Subway?
A: Footlongs.

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Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes

A cop pulls a guy over:
Sir, why were you speeeding?
Officer, I wanted to get home quickly, before I became really drunк.

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Office and Work Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Police Officer Jokes

If you understand English, press 1.
If you do not understand English, press 2.

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Customer service jokes Communication Jokes

You don't invite Chuck Norris.
He invites himself.

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Chuck Norris Jokes

Two guys are fishing when one of them catches a fish.
He brings it in the boat and as he cuts it open to clean it, a genie pops out and says, "Thanks for freeing me. I will grant you one wish."
The fisherman looks around and says, "Well, we are almost out of вееr, how about you turn this whole dамn lake into вееr".
*РООF* the genie grants his wish and leaves.
His partner slaps him on the chest and says, "What the hеll did you do that for, now we have to рiss in the boat!!"

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Animal Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Genie jokes Beer Jokes

One evening a father overheard his son saying his prayers "God bless Mommy, Daddy and Grammy. Goodbye Grampa."
Well, the father thought it was strange, but he soon forgot about it.
The next day, the Grandfather died.
A month later the father heard his sony saying prayers again: "God bless Mommy. God bless Daddy. Goodbye Grammy."
The next day the grandmother died.
Well, the father was getting more than a little woried about the whole situation.
One week later, the father once again overheard his sons prayers.
"God Bless Mommy. Good bye Daddy."
This nearly gave the father a heart attack.
He didn’t say anything but he got up early to go to work, so that he would miss the traffic.
He stayed all through lunch and dinner.
Finally after midnight he went home.
He was still alive!
When he got home he appologised to his wife.
"I am sorry Honey. I had a very bad day at work today."
"You think you’ve had a bad day? YOU THINK YOU’VE HAD A BAD DAY!?" the wife yelled,
"The mailman dropped dead on my doorstep this morning!"

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Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes God Jokes Cheating Jokes Dad Jokes Grandparent Jokes

A black guys is walking through the woods, he starts to hear a sounds.
It goes ching chong wu.
So he starts to walk to wear he heard the sound.
Soon enough he comes across a Chinese guy and a river.
The black guy ask was that noise.
The Chinese guy say, every time I throw a quarter in this river it tells me a name of an old relative.
See watch, Chinese guy throws a quarter, ching chong chun.
The black guy says let me try.
He throws a quarter in and the river says, chimpanzee.

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Animal Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Asian jokes Black People Jokes

There was three girls and they all had boyfriends and separate rooms.
The mom walked by all the rooms.
The first room she hears laughing, the second room she heard screaming and the third was totally quiet.
The mom was suspicious, so she asked the third girl why was she so quiet she replied, "My boyfriend said not to talk with my mouth full."

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Dirty jokes Sex Jokes

Saul is working in his store when he hears a booming voice from above:
"Saul, sell your business."
He ignores it. It goes on for days.
"Saul, sell your business for $3 million."
After weeks of this, he relents, sells his store.
The voice says ‘Saul, go to Las Vegas."
He asks why.
"Saul, take the $3 million to Las Vegas."
He obeys, goes to a casino. Voice says, "Saul , go to the blackjack table and put it down all on one hand."
He hesitates but knows he must.
He’s dealt an 18.
The dealer has a six showing.
"Saul, take a card."
What?
The dealer has -- "Take a card!" He tells the dealer to hit him.
Saul gets an ace.
Nineteen.
He breathes easy.
"Saul, take another card."
What? "TAKE ANOTHER CARD!" He asks for another card.
It’s another ace.
He has twenty.
"Saul, take another card," the voice commands.
I have twenty!
Saul shouts.
"TAKE ANOTHER CARD!!" booms the voice.
Hit me,Saul says.
He gets another ace.
Twenty one.
The booming voice goes: "un-fuскing-believable!"

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Office and Work Jokes Money jokes

Why is the position 69 like driving car in a rush hour traffic?
Cause аsshоlе is always in front of you.

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Car and driving jokes Dirty jokes

The Total Gym uses Chuck Norris to stay in shape.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Fitness jokes

When is the only time you smile and wink at a niggеr?
When you are looking through the scope on your rifle.

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Black People Jokes

Knock Knock!
Who's There?
Figs
Figs who?
Figs the doorbell, it's broken!

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Kids Jokes Knock-knock jokes

The original plan for Hiroshima and Nagasaki was to send in Chuck Norris.
We decided to go the humane route.

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Chuck Norris Jokes

"My friend is nuts. He thinks he's Bugs Bunny. But I m positive he isn't."
"How do you know he isn t?"
"Because I am."

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Animal Jokes Friendship Jokes

Save the tree, eat a веаvеr.

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Animal Jokes

What happened to the man who tried to cross a lioin with a goat?
He had to get a new goat.

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Animal Jokes Men jokes

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