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Latest Jokes

Mr. Smythe had been giving his second-grade students a short lesson on science. He had explained about magnets and showed them how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. And now it was question time.... "Class," he said, "my name begins with the letter 'M,' and I pick up things....What am I?" A little boy on the front row said, "You're a mother."

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School Jokes Science jokes

When Miley Cyrus is nакеd and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Music and Musician Jokes

Chuck Norris can fall up.

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Animal Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Music and Musician Jokes

Yo momma so sтuрid, when I told her that she lost her mind, she went looking for it.

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Insult Jokes Yo Momma Jokes Stupid Jokes

Yo mama so fат it took nationwide 3 years to get on her side.

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Yo Momma Jokes Fat Jokes

For 3 years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at this country inn. The last time he'd finally managed an affair with the innkeeper's daughter. Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap!"Helen, why didn't you write when you learnt you were pregnant?" he cried. "I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the baby would have my name!"
"Well," she said, "when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night talkin' and talkin' and decided it would be better to have a ваsтаrd in the family than a lawyer."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Cheating Jokes Lawyer Jokes Baby Jokes

Q: What do you call a dead blonde in a closet? A: Last years hide and go seek winner.

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

Daddy, how was I born?
Ah, very well, one day you need to find out anyway!
Mom and Dad got together in a chat room.
Dad set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber cafe.
We snuck into a secluded room, and then your mother downloaded from your dad's memory stick.
As soon as dad was ready for an upload, it was discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall.
Since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later the blessed virus appeared.
And that's the story.

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Technology Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Computer Jokes Geek jokes Dad Jokes

Yo mamma so ugly even Bob the Builder said, "We cant fix it."

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Office and Work Jokes Insult Jokes Yo Momma Jokes Ugly Jokes

Chuck Norris leaves messages before the beep.

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Chuck Norris Jokes

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him, 'My elbow hurts like heck. I guess I'd better see a doctor.'
'Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money,' Mike replies.
There's a diagnostic computer down at Costco. Just give it a urinе sample, and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it.
It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars - a lot cheaper than a doctor.
So, Joe deposits a urinе sample in a small jar and takes it to Costco.
He deposits ten dollars and the computer lights up and asks for the urinе sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.
Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:'You have tennis elbow.
Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks.
Thank you for shopping @ Costco'That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled.
He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urinе samples from his wife and daughter, and a sреrм sample from himself for good measure.
Joe hurries back to Costco, eager to check the results.
He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.
The computer prints the following:
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)
3. Your daughter has a сосаinе habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant -- Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better!
Thank you for shopping @ Costco!

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Lawyer Jokes Dog jokes

The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman. "What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?" asked the officer.
"I'm going to a lecture." The man said.
"And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?" the cop asked.
"My wife," said the man.

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Office and Work Jokes Car and driving jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Police Officer Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

I was gutted this afternoon when my wife told me my 6 year old son wasn't actually mine.
She then said I need to pay more attention at school pick up.

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School Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes One-Liner Jokes Dad Jokes

2020 has been hard on all of us - Meryl Streep

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2020 Jokes

2020 has been hard on all of us - Emma Watson

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Sherlock Holmes Jokes

2020 has been hard on all of us - Michelle Obama

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2020 Jokes American Presidents Humor

2020 has been hard on all of us - Justin Bieber

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2020 Jokes

2020 has been hard on all of us - Kelly Clarkson

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2020 Jokes

"2020 has been hard on all of us" - Vin Diesel

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2020 Jokes

"2020 has been hard on all of us" - Jason Momoa

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2020 Jokes