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Двама пенсионери разговарят: Un petit vieux de 95 ans. Un journaliste venu l'interroger : Дядо обяснява на личния си лекар: Двама старци си бъбрят на скамейката пред блока: Three old men are sitting on the porch of a retirement home. Un uomo in su con gli anni va dal medico, tutto sconsolato. - Dottore dottore ogni mattina alle sette mi scappa da pisciare. - Beh che problema c'e'? - E' che io mi alzo alle otto per cui mi piscio addosso! "Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old. "You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!" "Ah, that's nothin'," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you can't even crap anymore. You take laxatives, then you sit on... Пациент отива при доктора и му казва: - Докторе нещо ми има, всяка сутрин ходя по голяма нужда точно в 6:30. А докторът му отвръща: - Но това не е проблем, трябва да се радвате, че организмът ви толкова добре работи като швейцарски часовник. А пациентът отвръща: - То работенето ясно, ама проблема... Three old men are talking about their aches, pains and bodily dysfunctions. One 75-year-old man says: "I have this problem. I wake up every morning at 7 a.m. and it takes me 20 minutes to pee." An... 3 bejaarde mannen zitten samen koffie te drinken. Zegt de eerste: "ik heb een probleem, ik sta 's morgens op om 7uur, en het duurt zeker 3uur voor ik kan pissen" "Bwa" zegt de tweede, "ik sta ook...
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A private school was recently faced with a unique problem.
A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom.
That was fine, but after they put on their lip stick, they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. 
Every night the maintenance man would remove them, and the next day the girls would put them back. 
Finally the principal decided that something had to be done.
She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man.
She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night. 
To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.
He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.
Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror. 
There are teachers... and then there are educators.
D'après une brève dans un journal, une école privée de Washington a été confrontée récemment à un problème inhabituel. В едно училище в Англия имали следния проблем: Школа. På en högstadieskola i Blötköping hade tre tjejer i åttonde klass börjat med en ful ovana på skolans toalett. De målade sina läppar med röda läppstift och pussade varje centimeter på speglarna. Det... Bir kız yurdunda şöyle bir sorun yaşanmaktadır: Kızlar, sabah dudaklarına ruj sürdükten sonra aynayı öperek dudak izi bırakmaktadırlar, bunların temizlenmesi sorun olmaktadır. Yurdun müdürü bir gün... Bir kız yurdunda şöyle bir sorun yaşanmaktadır: Kızlar, sabah dudaklarına ruj sürdükten sonra aynayı öperek dudak izi Bırakmaktadırlar, bunların temizlenmesi sorun olmaktadır. Yurdun müdürü bir gün... Egy középiskolában nagyon elterjedt az a szokás, hogy a lányok a mosdóban kirúzsozzák a szájukat, majd megcsókolva a tükröt, ott hagyják az ajaklenyomatukat. A takarítónő szól az igazgatónak, így... Ifølge en kort nyhed i avisen havde en privatskole i Washington et Usædvanligt problem. Flere og flere piger i 12 års-alderen begyndte at bruge læbestift, og de Tog det på på toilettet. Det i sig...
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An elderly spinster called the lawyer's office and told the receptionist she wanted to see the lawyer about having a will prepared.
The receptionist suggested they set up an appointment for a convenient time for the spinster to come into the office.
The woman replied, "You must understand, I've lived alone all my life, I rarely see anyone, and I don't like to go out. Would it be possible for the lawyer to come to my house?"
The receptionist checked with the attorney who agreed and he went to the spinster's home for the meeting to discuss her estate and the will.The lawyer's first question was,
"Would you please tell me what you have in assets and how you'd like them to be distributed under your will?"
She replied, "Besides the furniture and accessories you see here,I have $40,000 in my savings account at the bank."
"Tell me," the lawyer asked, "how would you like the $40,000 to be distributed?"
The spinster said, "Well, as I've told you, I've lived a reclusive life, people have hardly ever noticed me, so I'd like them to notice when I pass on. I'd like to provide $35,000 for my funeral."
The lawyer remarked, "Well, for $35,000 you will be able to have a funeral that will certainly be noticed and will leave a lasting impression on anyone who may not have taken much note of you! But tell me," he continued, what would you like to do with the remaining $5,000?"
The spinster replied, "As you know, I've never married, I've lived alone almost my entire life, and in fact I've never slept with a man. I'd like you to use the $5,000 to arrange for a man to sleep with me."
"This is a very unusual request," the lawyer said, adding, "but I'll see what I can do to arrange it and get back to you."
That evening, the lawyer was at home telling his wife about the eccentric spinster and her weird request. After thinking about how much she could do around the house with $5,000, and with a bit of coaxing, she got her husband to agree to provide the service himself. She said, "I'll drive you over tomorrow morning, and wait in the car until you're finished."
The next morning, she drove him to the spinster's house and waited while he went into the house. She waited for over an hour, but her husband didn't come out. So she blew the car horn.Shortly, the upstairs bedroom window opened, the lawyer stuck his head out and yelled, "Pick me up tomorrow, she's going to let the County bury her!"
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Two small boys met during their first day at school. "My name is Billy. What's yours?" asked the first boy. "Tommy," replied the second. "My daddy is an accountant. What does your daddy do for a... Kaksi alle kouluikäistä poikaa, sattuivat keskustelemaan eläintarhassa eräänä päivänä. - Minun nimeni on Pekka. Mikä sinun nimesi on? kysyi ensimmäinen poika. - Tommi, vastasi toinen. - Minun isi... Deux enfants à l’école : - Moi mon père, il est comptable, et toi ? - Le mien est avocat. - Il est honnête ? - Non, seulement avocat.
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-- Gosh, you're lucky. I sure wish men could experience the miracle of childbirth.
-- Do you think the baby will come before Monday Night Football starts?
-- I hope your ready. The Glamour Shot photographer will be here in fifteen minutes.
-- If you think this hurts, I should tell you about the time I twisted my ankle playing basketball.
-- That was the kids on the phone. Did you have anything planned for dinner?
-- When you lay on your back, you look like a python that swallowed a wild boar.
-- You don't need an epidural. Just relax and enjoy the moment.
-- This whole experience kind of reminds me of an episode from I Love Lucy.
-- Oops! Which cord was I supposed to cut?
-- Stop your swearing and just breathe.
-- Remember what we learned in Lamaze class! HEE HEE HOO HOO. You're not using the right words.
-- Your stomach still looks like there's another one in there
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