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Latest Jokes

A guy who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.
A cop pulls him over.
"So," says the cop to the driver, "Where have you been?"
"Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunк.
"Well," says the cop, "It looks like you've had quite a few drinks this evening."
"I did all right," the drunк says with a smile.
"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest,
"That a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunк.
"For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Car and driving jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Police Officer Jokes

A man ask his wife, "What would you do if I won the lottery?"
Wife says, "I would take half and leave you".
Man says, "Great! I have won a tenner, here a fiver now fuск off!

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Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes Relationship Jokes

How do some men define Roe vs. Wade?
Two ways to cross a river.

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Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes

If money dosnt grow on trees why do banks have branches?

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Money jokes Banker Jokes

Three men were drunк and they stopped a taxi.
The taxi driver figured that they were not in their minds so, he just switched on the engine and switched it off and told them:
"we have arrived".
The first man gave him money.
The second one thanked the taxi driver.
The third one slapped him (the taxi driver).
The taxi driver was stunned because he was hoping that none of them had realized that the car didn't move an inch, but he faked surprise and asked the third man:
"what was that for?".
The drunken man replied:
"control your speed next time! you nearly killed us!!!"

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Money jokes Car and driving jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes

Q: What does NAACP stand for?
A: National Association of Apes Called People

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Nationality Jokes Black People Jokes

Did you hear about the blonde who thought Doris Day was a national holiday?

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Nationality Jokes Blonde Jokes

Good News: A busload of lawyers ran off a cliff.
The bus was destroyed and there were no survivors.
Bad News: There were three empty seats.

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Lawyer Jokes Car and driving jokes News and Politics Jokes Dark Humor Jokes

When you need to remove yourself from your group of friends to come up with a strategy for sounding sober enough to be served more alcohol, the fun is behind you.

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Friendship Jokes Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes

The kids doing drugs should be the only ones expected to get an 'A' in chemistry. 'Alright, I'll let you students know only one of you received 100% on the final lab exam: Brad Catlet for turning in the ounce of crystal метh.'

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Kids Jokes School Jokes

Every time you're sad, just remember that somewhere out there a tree grew for years and years, but was then destroyed and became material for a Justin Bieber notebook.

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Music and Musician Jokes

All these Miley Cyrus jokes are whoreable.

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Music and Musician Jokes

Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Student: A teacher!

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School Jokes Communication Jokes

Teacher: Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun.
Everyone must attend it.
Mary: No madam! I will not be able to attend it.
Teacher: Why?
Mary: My mother will not allow me to go so far!

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School Jokes

A guy about to tee off was approached by a man who held out a card that read, "I am a deaf mute.
May I please play through?"
The first man gave the card back, angrily shaking his head, and saying, "No, you CANNOT play through."
He assumed the guy read lips so he mouthed, "I can't believe you would try to use your handicap to your own advantage like that! Shame on you!"
The deaf man walked away and the first man whacked the ball onto the green and then walked off to finish the hole.
Just as he was about to put the ball into the hole he was hit in the head with a golf ball that knocked him out cold.
When he came to a few minutes later, he looked around and saw the deaf mute sternly looking at him, one hand on his hip, the other hand holding up four fingers.

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Sports Jokes Men jokes Golf jokes

A woman goes into a sporting goods store to buy a rifle. "It`s for my husband," she tells the clerk.
"Did he tell you what gauge to get?" asked the clerk.
"Are you kidding?" she says.
"He doesn`t even know that I`m going to shoot him!"

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Jokes about Women Sports Jokes

Q: What do computers eat for a snack?
A: Microchips!

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Technology Jokes Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Science jokes

Your momma is so sтuрid she put airbags on her computer in case it crashed.

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Technology Jokes Yo Momma Jokes

Question: If you went to a party and woke up with a соndом in your аss would you tell anyone?
Answer: No!
Response: Wanna go to a party?

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Gross Jokes Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Sex Jokes

I've accepted every email offer I've ever received.
My реnis is now 235 feet long.

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Gross Jokes Sex Jokes