Latest Jokes

My girlfriend admitted to me she was once a Christian, so I immediately broke up with her. It may come across as judgmental, but really, I've only ever known and loved her as Christine. My girlfriend just admitted that she used to be a Christian , so I broke up with her . It might be judgemental, but I have only known her since she has been Christine.
Christian Jokes Relationship Jokes
MONDAY:
Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls.

TUESDAY:
Fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn't dress. What a surprise when my friends came over for supper.

WEDNESDAY:
A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed kinda of silly but I took a bath. I can't say it improved the rice any.

THURSDAY:
New salad recipe: prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. This led to the neighbors wondering whey why I was rolling around in the garden.

FRIDAY:
I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put all ingredients in bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When
I got back, everything was the same as when I left.

This has been a very exciting week. I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out another new recipe on. If we could just get a вiggеr oven, I would like to do a Chocolate Moose.
Chocolate Jokes Food Jokes Friendship Jokes Banker Jokes Superhero Jokes
An optimist sees the best in the world, while a pessimist sees only the worst.
An optimist finds the positive in the negative, and a pessimist can only find the negative in the positive.
For example, an avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog.
His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck.
Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.
He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, a pessimist by nature, and invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.
As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. they fired, and a duck fell.
The dog responded and jumped into the water.
The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet.
This continued all day long; each time a duck fell, the dog walked across the surface of the water to retrieve it.
The pessimist watched carefully, saw everything, but did not say a single word.
On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?"
"I sure did," responded the pessimist. "Your dog can't swim!"
Single People Jokes Sports Jokes News and Politics Jokes Friendship Jokes Dog jokes
Four guys enjoying a round of golf come up to the 18 hole. The first 3 guys put their ball in the fairway, the last guy drives his ball over the fence with his new Titleist. He tells his friends to finish up and that he will meet them in club house.

After a half hour goes by and finally the 4th golfer comes back all beat up with bumps and cuts on his head and bleeding all over. All his fellow golfers are like, what the heck happened?

He tells them the story. Over the fence was a bunch of cows. I noticed one соw was moaning and carrying on crazy. I slowly lifted her tail and there was a ball stuck in the you know what. Gladly it was not mine. About that time a lady came over the fence looking for her ball. So I told her to come over and let me show you something. I raised the tail on that соw and said to her does that look like yours?

After that I don't remember much...
Golf jokes Friendship Jokes
30 Harsh Things a Woman Can Say to a Nакеd Man
1. I’ve smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahhhh, it’s cute.
3. Why don’t we just cuddle?
4. You know they have surgery to fix that.
5. Make it dance.
6. Can I paint a smiley face on it?
7. Wow, and your feet are so big.
8. It’s OK, we’ll work around it.
9. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
10. Oh no… a flash headache
11. (giggle and point)
12. Can I be honest with you?
13. How sweet, you brought incense.
14.This explains your car.
15.Maybe if we water it, it’ll grow.
16. Why is God punishing me?
17. At least this won’t take long.
18. I never saw one like that before.
19. But it still works, right?
20. It looks so unused.
21. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
22. Why don’t we skip right to the cigarettes?
23. Are you cold?
24. If you get me real drunк first.
25. Is that an optical illusion?
26. What is that?
27. It’s a good thing you have so many other talents.
28. Does it come with an air pump?
29. So this is why you’re supposed to judge people on personality.
30. I guess this makes me the early bird.
Dating Jokes Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes God Jokes Men jokes