Animal Jokes

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Chuck Norris once walked in the opposite direction in the Running of the Bulls.
The bulls turned around and ran for their lives.

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Animal Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes

Chuck Norris once rode a bull, and nine months later it had a calf.

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Animal Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Cowboys and Indians Jokes

A proud and confident genius makes a bet with an idiот. The genius says, "Hey idiот, every question I ask you that you don't know the answer, you have to give me $5. And if you ask me a question and I can't answer yours I will give you $5,000." The idiот says, "Okay." The genius then asks, "How many continents are there in the world?" The idiот doesn't know and hands over the $5. The idiот says, "Now me ask: what animal stands with two legs but sleeps with three?" The genius tries and searches very hard for the answer but gives up and hands over the $5000. The genius says, "Dang it, I lost. By the way, what was the answer to your question?" The idiот hands over $5.

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Animal Jokes

A blonde and her husband were driving home, when they hit a rabit.
They both got out of the car and stood over the poor creature.
The blonde and her husband just stood their, when she said "Oh I know."
So she when in the car and rumaged through her purse and came out with what looked a bottle.
She poured it on the rabit and they both got in the car.
Suddenly the rabit got up hopped a little bit and waved, hopped a little and waved, hopped to the top of the hill and waved.
Then dissapered over it.
The husband just stared at his wife and said "Honey, what did you pour on that rabit?"
His wife just said "Hair Restorer with a permanent wave."

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Blonde Jokes Car and driving jokes Animal Jokes

A couple of pigeons made a date to meet on the ledge on the tenth floor of a skyscraper.
The female was there on time, but the male arrived an hour late.
"Where were you? I was worried sick."
"It was such nice day, I decided to walk."

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Sick and Death Jokes Sports Jokes Animal Jokes Couple jokes

Q: What do you call a frog who wants to be a cowboy?
A: Hoppalong Cassidy.

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Animal Jokes Cowboys and Indians Jokes

I have got a new dog.
We have trained together for two months and imagine, after these two months I was able to reach him my paw and managed even barking around on command.
My dog can be proud of myself.

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Pet Jokes Animal Jokes Dog jokes

What is the definition of revenge?
A baby with a dog in its mouth.

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Gross Jokes Animal Jokes Baby Jokes Dog jokes

Why do you never see zebras or antelopes at Victoria Station?
Because it's a mane-lion station.

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Animal Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

An old lady was getting on the bus to go to the pet cemetery with her cat's remains. As she got on the bus, she whispered to the bus driver, "I have a dead p*ssy." The driver pointed to the lady sitting behind him and said, "Sit with my wife, you two have a lot in common."

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Sexist Jokes Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Animal Jokes Old People Jokes

I am not a fаn of Facebook as it seems to be a platform for making me feel shiт about my life. I am sure everyone lies about their wonderful lives on it. So, here is my interpretation of what is really being said on Facebook…..
Wow..suitcase packed off on our lovely hols with my amazing husband and wonderful children.
( I am shattered from being up all night packing for these lazy ваsтаrds….I want to drink wine already and its only 4am and we are not even at the airport yet)
Just cooked a lovely meal ( insert picture), can’t wait to snuggle down with my man and eat it!
(hope he chokes on it…and I didn’t cook it at all, I warmed it up then put it on a plate so you will all think I am a domestic goddess)
Had the most amazing night with my lovely friends…
( spent most of the night providing shoulder to cry on for recently dumped friend, trying to stop desperate friend shаgging inappropriate man, holding hair for ‘shots all night’ friend while she vomits up £40 worth of вооzе…..never again.)
Just had a lovely bath complete with candles!!
( had to wash as covered in horse shiт and electricity ran out so was forced to use a candle.)
Enjoyed a lovely long walk with the dogs today!
( because the fuскеrs ran off and it took me 5 miles to catch them.)
Had a lovely day with all the family today!
( what was lovely about it was when they went home)
Am off to see a lovely friend of mine I have not seen since school!
( hope she is fatter and looks older than me)
Spent a lovely afternoon making cakes with the kids!
( will now have to spend the rest of the week cleaning cake batter off the ceiling the fecking animals)
Can’t wait to hit the shops with my daughters today! Girlie shopping!
( goodbye salary hello strops and arguments - just кill me now)
Going to have a lovely relaxing early night!
( have to get to bed and asleep pronto, hubby feeling fruity, am not in mood so instigating avoidance tactics!!..)
You Can See Original Article by Anna Mathews here

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School Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes Facebook Jokes Friendship Jokes Wine jokes Internet Jokes Aviation Jokes Dog jokes

Knock Knock! Who’s there? King Тuт! King Тuт who? King Tutty Fried Chicken!

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Animal Jokes Knock-knock jokes

Murphy is stood outside his house when he spots Раddy walking down the street with a strange animal by his side.
“whats that weird looking creature you have there?” he asks
“oooohhh” replies Раddy “this is the fiercest dog in Ireland its called a long nosed, short legged, long tailed Irish attack dog”
“We’ll see about that ! i have a Rottweiler, a Doberman and a Pit Bull Terrier in the back yard lets put this long nosed, short legged, long tailed Irish attack dog of yours to the test” Murphy laughs
“I’ll bet you a 100 that my dog can beat all three of them at the same time” says Раddy proudly
So they shake on the bet and go to the back yard where the Rottweiller, Doberman and Pit Bull are growling and barking.
Murphy opens the gate and the long nosed, short legged, long tailed Irish attack dog walks in. After a few seconds fur is flying and the dogs are screaming, then silence……
They look into the yard to see the long nosed, short legged, long tailed Irish attack dog stood alone with no trace of the other three dogs apart from some blood and fur around its mouth.
“well you were right Раddy” says Murphy as he’s handing over the ?100
“what did you say it was called again ? a long nosed, short legged, long tailed Irish attack dog ?”
“Yup” replies Paddy
“but in other parts of the world they call it a Crocodile!”

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Animal Jokes Irish jokes Dog jokes

Did you hear about the rabbit who got a job in a watch factory?
Alike did was stand around making faces.

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Animal Jokes

Q: Why did the fish blush?
A: Because it saw the ocean's bottom.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Animal Jokes

What did the cops do when 600 hares escaped the zoo?
–the cops had to comb the area

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Animal Jokes Police Officer Jokes Zoo Jokes

A guy walks into a bar and sees a 1 foot piano player over by the door. He goes over to the bartender, orders a вееr, and says “man, how’d you get such a short piano player.” The bartender says in response” there’s a genie in the back of the bar.” The man finishes his вееr and runs to the back, looking for the genie. He finds it and says “I wish for a million bucks.” Suddenly, a million ducks fly out of the bar. The customer looks confused and goes back to the bartender and says “what just happened” the bartender replies “the genie is half deaf, do you really think I’d ask for a 12 inch pianist?”

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Animal Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes Beer Jokes

What did the male squirrel say when the female attacked him...
Get away from my nuts.

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Jokes about Women Animal Jokes Men jokes

Where do rabbits go after their wedding?
On their bunnymoon.

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Animal Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes Wedding jokes

Roses are red violets are blue when i saw you I thought of the zoo and monkeys too

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Animal Jokes Zoo Jokes