Business jokes

“How long have you been working here?” one employee asked another.
“Ever since the boss threatened to fire me.”

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Kathy goes to her local bank, walks into the manager’s office, and says, “I want a loan; I am going to divorce my husband.” “Oh, we don’t give loans for divorces,” the manager says. “We offer loans only for things like real estate, appliances, automobiles, businesses, and home improvement.” Kathy interrupts:
“Stop right there. This definitely falls into the category of ‘Home Improvement.’”

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Office and Work Jokes Business jokes Banker Jokes Boss Jokes

One day in New York City, a banker was driving his new Jaguar down the streets. He parked it and opened the door to get out. Suddenly a taxi went by and ripped the door off. The driver reported this to a nearby police officer. The officer saw the whole thing and said "You bankers are so involved in your possessions. You didn't even notice that your arm was ripped off as well" The banker stared at where his arm used to be and said "OH NO! My new Rolex is gone too!"

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Office and Work Jokes Police Officer Jokes Business jokes Banker Jokes

A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. I welcome you into the family,” said the man. “To show you how much we care for you, I am making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory everyday and learn the operation.”
The son-in-law interrupted. “I hate factories. I can’t stand the noise.” “I see.” replied the father-in-law, “Well, then you’ll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations.” “I hate office work,” said the son-in-law. “I can’t stand being stuck behind a desk.” “Wait a minute,” said the father-in-law. “I just made you half owner of a money-making industry, but you don’t like factories, and won’t work in an office. What am I going to do with you?” “Easy,” said the son-in-law. “Buy me out.”

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Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Business jokes

A secret agent was directed to a posh condominium complex to contact an anonymous source. “Williams is the name,” he was told by his superior. “Hand him this envelope.” Arriving at the complex, he was confused to find four different Williams occupying adjacent quarters. He decided to try the second condo. When a gentleman answered his knock, the agent spoke the pass code:
“The grape arbor is down.”
Looking him over the man shook his head. “I’m Williams the accountant. You might try Williams the spy. Two doors down.”

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Men jokes Business jokes

The HMO account manager noticed that nearly every bill from a certain pediatrician’s office included the line item “Behavior modification reinforcers.” Alarm that the pediatrician was engaging in some unapproved, experimental psychological treatment, she called the physician’s office to inquire, “What on earth are behavior modification reinforcers?”
“Lollipops,” was the reply.

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Office and Work Jokes Business jokes Boss Jokes

Regarding Face book Co-founder Edward Saverin's renouncing his US citizenship to avoid paying taxes. One thing for which you have to give Obama credit for when he took office, one of the biggest problems was illegal immigrants streaming over our border. 3 1/2 years later he's sure cured that problem. Now many are trying to get out. (To avoid paying taxes)

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Office and Work Jokes Business jokes American Presidents Humor

A guy goes into an antique shop.
He's browsing around the shop and comes across a brass rat.
He picks up the rat and is looking at it when the shop owner approaches him.
He asks the owner how much the Brass Rat is.
The shop owner says $20 For the rat and $10 for the story behind it.
The customers say I don't need to know the story but I'll buy the rat.
So he pays for the rat and leaves the shop.
After about 50 yards he hears a Wierd noise behind him and so looks around.
There's a bunch of rats following him so he picks up the pace a walks faster but the noise gets louder.
He glances behind and there are hundreds of rats following him so he starts to run.
Still, the noise gets louder and there are thousands of rats chasing him.
He comes to a bridge over the river and thinks the rats are chasing him because of the Brass Rat, he has so he throws the rat as far as he can into the river.
All the rats that were chasing him then all jump into the river and drown.
The guy thinks for a while and then walks back to the shop.
As he enters the shop the owner who saw him coming said I bet you came back for the story behind the Brass Rat did you?
The customer says no I didn't.
Have you got a brass Niggеr?

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Money jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Animal Jokes Business jokes Customer service jokes

A Cajun named Jean Paul moved to Texas and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day the farmer rove up and said,
"Sorry, but I got some bad news. The donkey died."
"Well then, just give me my money back."
"Cain't do that. I went and spent it already."
"OK then, just unload the donkey."
"What ya gonna do with em."
"I'm gonna raffle him off."
"Ya cain't raffle off a dead donkey!"
"Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anyone he's dead."A month later the farmer met up with the Cajun and asked, "What happened with the dead donkey?"
"I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at $2.00 apiece and made a profit of $898.00."
"Didn't no one complain?"
"Just the guy who won. So I gave him his $2.00 back."

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News and Politics Jokes Money jokes Business jokes

Two opposing candidates for county office happened to be sitting next to each other in the local diner.
One turned to the other and said,
"You know why I'm going to win this election? Because of my 'personal touch.' For example, I always tip waitresses really well and then ask them to vote for me."
"Oh, really?" replied the other. "I always tip a nickel and ask them to vote for you."

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Office and Work Jokes Business jokes

A man looking for a job."... And remember we are very keen about clenliness. Did you wipe your shoes before entering” asked the manager. "Oh, yes sir."
Replied the man. The manager narrowed his eyes and said, “We are also very keen about the truth. There is no mat."

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Men jokes Business jokes Boss Jokes

Q: What does a nosey pepper do?
A: Gets jalapeno business!

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Kids Jokes Business jokes

A sign in a Shoe Repair Store:
- We will heel you, We will save your sole, We will even dye for you.

At an Optometrist's Office:
- If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.

On a Plumber's truck:
- We repair what your husband fixed.
- Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.

On an Electrician's truck:
- Let us remove your shorts.

At a Car Dealership:
- The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment.

Outside a Muffler Shop:
- No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.

In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
- Be back in 5 minutes. Sit... Stay...

At the Electric Company:
- We would be delighted if you send in your payment on time. However, if you don't, YOU will be de-lighted.

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
- Drive carefully. We'll wait.

In a Chicago Radiator Shop:
- Best place in town to take a leak.

Sign on the back of a Septic Tank Truck:
- Caution... this truck is full of Political Promises.

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Office and Work Jokes Business jokes Political Jokes Veterinarian Jokes

I went to the groceries because I wanted to buy one bottle of milk.
I have found out that I´ve got only 0,50 cent and the mild has cost 1 euro.
I have told the saleswoman that I have only 0,50 cent and I want to buy one bottle of milk.
She has solved the situation very practically.
She has taken the mop, went to the storage, cleaned the floor with spilled milk on it, she has pressed out the mop to the carry bag and gave it to me.
At home I have added this milk to the coffee, I have felt something like stones or something like that under my teeth, but the coffee was really tasty.
After that came my friends and the party has continued as usual.

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Money jokes Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Business jokes Friendship Jokes Customer service jokes Coffee Jokes

The company had an employee suggestion competition. The entire staff was asked to submit entries that would save money for the firm.

The winner was a man who suggested the company save paper by posting corporate memos on bulletin boards, instead of printing 200 individual copies for distribution. He won a helium balloon with the company logo and one share of stock.

A memo announcing the winner went out to 200 people.

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Money jokes Men jokes Business jokes

There was once a couple named Nancy and Mike Tate, and it was their life's dream to have a compass company. They finally saved enough money and started the Tate's Compass Company. Luck was with them, for the first contract they acquired was to manufacture 750,000 compasses for the Boy Scouts.
Nancy and Mike worked feverishly day and night to meet their deadline, and finished just before the Boy Scout Jamboree was to begin. On the day of the Boy Scout Wilderness hike, each boy scout was given a Tate's Compass to help them find their way. Unfortunately, it was discovered a little too late that every single compass was made with the colored point of the needle facing
the wrong way, so when one was facing North, the needle pointed to the South.
Needless to say, all of the boy scouts got lost and it was the biggest fiasco known in Boy Scout history. The Tate's compass company went out of business, but from this experience came the familiar adage, "He who has a Tate's is lost." (Say it out loud).

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Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Business jokes Single People Jokes

Tom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to his wife for weeks on end.

Finally she couldn't take it any longer, and told him, "Listen, it means nothing, they even have a vice president of peas at the grocery store!"

"Really?" he said. Not sure if this was true or not, Tom decided to call the grocery store.

A clerk answers and Tom says, "Can I please talk to the Vice President of peas?"

The clerk replies, "Canned or frozen?"

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Office and Work Jokes Business jokes

Jill had applied for a job and when she returned home, her mother asked how the interview went.

"Pretty good I think," replied Jill. "But if I go to work there, I won't get a vacation unless I'm married."

Her mother, of course, had never heard of such a thing and asked, "Is that what they told you?"

"No," replied Jill, "they didn't tell me that, but on the application it said, 'Vacation time may not be taken until you've had your First Anniversary.'"

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Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Business jokes

After reading the complicated instructions for the automatic teller, the confused customer walked over to a bank officer. “Excused me,” said the customer, “but I was wondering if you could help me out.” “Certainly,” smiled the officer. “Go right through that door.”

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Office and Work Jokes Business jokes Banker Jokes

A secretary has been to London with her boss. When she is back at the office one of her colleagues asks her if the boss has shown her Big Ben.

"Yes, already on the boat."

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Office and Work Jokes Business jokes Secretary Jokes Boss Jokes