Business jokes

A man worked for a road crew. One day he woke up ill with a touch of laryngitis, but being a dedicated employee, he went to work. The boss felt rather sorry for the worker and didn't want him to do any physical labor, as they were repairing a part of the freeway.
He says,
"Why don't you go down the road and tell people to slow down going through the construction?"
The worker is glad for the easy day. He stops the first vehicle. "Sir," he whispers, his throat feeling worse, "please slow down, there's a road crew up ahead."
"Okay," the driver whispers back, "I'll try not to wake them."

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You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I am very rich. Marry me!"
That's Direct Marketing.
You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.
One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you and says,
"He's very rich. Marry him."
That's Advertising.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and get her telephone number.
The next day you call and say, "Hi, I’m very rich. Marry me."
That's Telemarketing.
You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
You get up and straighten your tie; you walk up to her and pour
Her a drink.
You open the door for her; pick up her bag after she drops it,
Offer her a ride, and then say,
"By the way, I'm very rich. Will you marry me?"
That's Public Relations.
You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
She walks up to you and says,
"You are very rich."
That's Brand Recognition.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I'm rich. Marry me"
She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.
That's Customer Feedback!!!!

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Business jokes Friendship Jokes

Interviewer:
"How well do you work with Powerpoint?"
Applicant:
"I Excel at it."
Interviewer:
"Was that a computer joke?"
Applicant:
"Word."

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Office and Work Jokes Business jokes

Faced with hard times, the company offered a bonus of one thousand dollars to any employee who could come up with a way of saving money.
The bonus went to a young woman in accounting who suggested limiting future bonuses to ten dollars.

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Jokes about Women Money jokes Business jokes

The owner of a factory that manufactures thick, brown syrup, produced during the refining of sugar, called his production crew in. "We have more work than we have people do it," he told his staff. "And, I find that the women we've hired in the past do a far better job then the men."
"What do you suggest we do?" asked one employee.
"It's simple," the owner said. "We need mo'lasses!"

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Business jokes

Michael was selling a fine horse, and his friend Liam came over with the intention of buying it. "How much is it?" asked Liam, and Pat told him "500 dollars." Liam was startled, and said,
"But sure, I could give only 25 dollars for even such a fine horse."
"Done!" said Michael. Liam was surprised again. "How is it you came down so fast?" Michael smiled and said,
"25 dollars is what he's worth, all right, but you're my friend, and I thought you'd like owning a 500 dollar horse."

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Business jokes Friendship Jokes

I have a friend who filled his car with gas at a self-service gas station. After he had paid and driven away, he realized that he had left the gas cap on top of his car. He stopped and looked and, sure enough, it was lost.
Well, he thought for a second and realized that other people must have done the same thing, and that it was worth going back to look by the side of the road since even if he couldn't find his own gas cap, he might be able to find one that fit. Sure enough, he hadn't been searching long when he found a gas cap. He tried it on, and it went into place with a satisfying click.
"Great," he thought, "I lost my gas cap, but I found another one that fits.
And this one's even better because it locks..."

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Business jokes Friendship Jokes

Preparing for the most important presentation of his life, a sales rep went to a psychiatrist. "I'll implant a hypnotic suggestion in your mind," said the shrink. "Just say 'one-two-three,' and you'll give the presentation of your life. However, do not say 'one-two-three-four,' because it will cause you to freeze up and make a fool of yourself."
The sales rep was ecstatic. He tried it at home and gave a fabulous presentation. He tried it at work with his co-workers, and got a standing ovation. Then came the big day. Everything was set up in the boardroom and the CEO signaled him to start. The sales rep whispered under his breath, "One-two-three."
Then the CEO asked,
"What did you say 'one-two-three' for?"

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Office and Work Jokes Business jokes

A fellow had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high tech corporation. The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and presented him with three numbered envelopes.
"Open these if you run up against a problem you don't think you can solve," he said.
Well, things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, sales took a downturn and he was really catching a lot of heat. About at his wit's end, he remembered the envelopes. He went to his drawer and took out the first envelope. The message read, "Blame your predecessor."
The new CEO called a press conference and tactfully laid the blame at the feet of the previous CEO. Satisfied with his comments, the press and Wall Street responded positively, sales began to pick up and the problem was soon behind him.
About a year later, the company was again experiencing a slight dip in sales, combined with serious product problems. Having learned from his previous experience, the CEO quickly opened the second envelope. The message read, "Reorganize."
This he did, and the company quickly rebounded. After several consecutive profitable quarters, the company once again fell on difficult times. The CEO went to his office, closed the door and opened the third envelope. The message said,
"Prepare three envelopes.".

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Office and Work Jokes Business jokes Military Jokes

Be careful when you have friends who tell you they can help you break into the jewelry business...
I took their advice, and now I'm serving 9 to 15 in the state penitentiary.

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Business jokes Friendship Jokes

Here's a humorous story about a wealthy businessman as told by one of his grandchildren. Back in 1927 the businessman was bringing his wife, new baby and a nurse home from the hospital in a brand new Lincoln. As luck would have it, the car stalled on the tracks and they could hear a whistle blowing in the distance. Now, the man would rather risk his life than admit he couldn't handle any problem.
He looked at his watch and said calmly, "The 4:05 is right on time."
"My baby!" screamed his wife. "Let's get out!"
"What! And leave a $6,000 Lincoln on the tracks!" He snapped. "If you will just settle down, I'll get it started."
But nobody settled down, and the train came into view. Everyone left the car except the businessman. He leaned out the window and yelled to his wife, "Hey Ruth. In case I get killed, the key to the vault is behind the Shakespeare book in my study."
The conductor, slowing down for a stop anyway, managed to halt the train ten feet from the car.
"Dаrn!" cursed the businessman. "Now I've got to find a new hiding place for the vault key!"

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Men jokes Business jokes Nurse jokes

A guy walks into the human resources department of a large company and hands the executive his application. The executive begins to scan the sheet, and notices that the applicant has been fired from every job he has ever held.
"I must say," says the executive, "your work history is terrible. You've been fired from every job."
"Yes," says the man.
"Well," continues the executive, "there's not much positive in that."
"Hey!" says the guy as he pokes the application, "At least I'm not a quitter."

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Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Business jokes

Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck at the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end.
At the last house a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter. Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger coworker to a foot race down the alley back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one.
As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady from that last house was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped and asked her what was wrong.
Gasping for breath, she replied, "When I see two gas men running as hard as you two were, I figured I'd better run too!"

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Business jokes Boss Jokes

A traveling salesman was held up in the west by a rainstorm and flood. He e-mails his office in NY:
“Delayed by storm. Send instructions”
His boss e-mails back:
“Start vacation immediately”

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Office and Work Jokes Business jokes Boss Jokes

Your HR department just sent an email for your open-enrollment period for health-care. There is a new option that's more expensive, but has been getting great response:
For longer term illnesses and PTSD, your plan will pay all expenses to fly to, and stay in, the Caribbean Islands, with a high deductible your kids will be paying for in 40 years.
It's called, "BAHAMA-CARE!"

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Kids Jokes Business jokes

A newspaper editor announces that there's enough money in the budget to install a newsroom chandelier. The reporters huddle and send a spokesman to say they're against it.
"Against it? Why?" the editor asks.
"First," the reporter says,
"No one on the staff can spell 'chandelier' well enough to put it on an order form. Second, I don't believe that anybody here can play one if we had it. And third, if you got that much money, we think you should get a hanging light instead, to brighten up the office!"

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Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Business jokes

A man was looking to hire a driver for a bus tour business. Three men applied for the job. He calls one into his office to interview him. The man says that he can put the wheels right on the edge of a bridge, drive, and not fall off. The employer is very impressed. He calls another man in. This man says that he can put the wheels halfway off of a bridge, drive, and not fall off. The employer is again very impressed. He calls the last man in. He says,
"I heard what the other two guys said, and I don't think I could match them. I usually drive in the middle of a bridge".

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Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Business jokes

A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money. The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadn’t been paid, so he asked his collections manager to leave a voice-mail for them saying, “We can’t ship your new order until you pay for the last one.” The next day the collections manager received a collect phone call, “Please cancel the order. We can’t wait that long.”

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Money jokes Business jokes Boss Jokes

When a guy's printer type began to grow faint, he called a local repair shop where a friendly man informed him that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned. Because the store charged $50 for such cleanings, he told the guy he might be better off reading the printer's manual and trying the job himself.
Pleasantly surprised by his candor, he asked,
"Does your boss know that you discourage business?"
"Actually, it's my boss's idea," the employee replied sheepishly. "We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves first."

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Money jokes Men jokes Business jokes Friendship Jokes Boss Jokes

Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac got together and got married in Loan Town, USA. And had a baby the banks called Foreclosure, and they lived unhappily ever after in their new economy life styles.

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Marriage and Family Jokes USA Jokes Business jokes Banker Jokes