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Dark Humor Jokes

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Doctor to patient:
"Why are you nervous?"
Patient:
"Because this is the first item I am going to have An operation."
Doctor:
"But I am not nervous though this is going to be my first operation."
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What's the only thing faster than a black man running away with your TV?
His son running away with your VCR.
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"My son, this is your senior year at school so your mom and I decided that you’re going to be a doctor."
"But what are you saying dad? You know very well that I’m not in a position even to... кill a mosquito."
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Why did sally fall of the swing
She had no arms
Knock knock
Who's there
Not sally
What did sally get for Christmas we don't know she didn't open it yet
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The cannibal priest told his flock to close their eyes and say grace.
"For whosoever we are about to eat, may the Lord make us truly thankful."
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The best thing about Alzheimer's Disease is that you get to meet so many new people.
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Two cannibals were having lunch.
"Your wife makes a great soup," said one to the other.
"Yes!" agreed the first. "But I'm going to miss her terribly."
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So, I'm single. It's weird 'cause always knew I was gonna die broke and alone. I just didn't know I was gonna live that way, too.
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Knock knock
Whos there
Boo
Boo who
Why are you sad
My wife has cancer
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First cannibal:
"I can't find anything to eat!"
Second cannibal:
"But the jungle's full of people."
First cannibal:
"Yes, but they're all very unsavory."
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There are four people from different counties on the Empire State Building. One is Japanese, one is French, one is Mexican, and one is American.
They all want to throw something off the building that they have a lot of in their country.
The Japanese guy goes first. He throws off sushi.
There is a lot of sushi in my country.
Next is the French guy. He throws off a соndом.
There is too much love in my country.
Next is the Mexican. He throws off a taco.
There is too much taco in my country.
Next goes the American. He looks around him and picks the Mexican up and throws him of the building and says:
There are too much Mexicans in my country.
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What did the cannibal say when he was full?
I couldn't eat another mortal.
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My previous girlfriend had this weird sleeping disorder - in the middle of every night she would wake up and suск my diск.
No wonder her dad did not want her to move out.
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I was walking down the street to a video store last night to rent a роrnо movie when I saw a woman being rареd.
Saved myself a fiver.
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Every night while Dave is having dinner his wife Natalie goes to the bedroom turns off the light and makes out with Daves friend Andy by the window.
After some days Dave had doubt and leaving supper he went to the dark room only to hear whispers from the other side of the window.
He pushes Natalie away goes near the window,unties his pant and put his аrsе facing the window.
After a minute Andy puts a kiss on his вuтт cheek and says "Natalie, haven't u brushed ur teeth today?"
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What's brown and gurgles?
A baby in a casserole.
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And these kids do not deserve a present from me, because they have not been eating well this year, - said Santa Claus, flying over the starving kids in Sudan.
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The judge asks the murderer:
Why did you кill that old lady?
For money..
But you got only 20 cents
Yes, but killing five of them would already make a dollar.
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What's purple, covered in pus and squeals?
A peeled baby in a bag of salt.
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Why did the boy fall off the swing?
He didn't have any arms.
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