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Little Johnny Jokes

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Teaching an English lesson, the teacher wrote on the board, fully aware of the grammar errors:
"I ain't had no fun in months"
"Now, how should I correct this sentence."
"Get a new boyfriend," said Little Johnny.
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Little Johnny Jokes School Jokes
Син пита баща си: Συμβαίνει παντού Татко, вярно ли е, че в арабските държави - Папа, а правда, что на Кавказе жених узнает кто его невеста после свадьбы? Sohn: "Stimmt es, Vater, dass in einigen Teilen Afrikas die Männer ihre Frauen bis zum Tag ihrer Hochzeit nicht kennen?" Син пита баща си: El hijo le pregunta al padre: A little boy says: Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in most countries, son. - C'est vrai papa, que dans certaine parties de l'Afrique, un homme ne connait pas sa femme avant de se marier ? Le Père: - Et c'est pareil dans tous les pays... O filho curioso pergunta para o pai: — É verdade que em algumas partes da África o homem não conhece sua esposa até casar com ela? O pai responde cabisbaixo: — Aqui também é assim! - är det verkligen sant pappa att i vissa länder så känner inte mannen sin fru när de gifter sig? - Nej min son! Inte i vissa länder utan i alla länder! — Тату, а це правда, що в декотрих країнах Сходу наречений не знає, хто його дружина, поки не ожениться? — Це в будь-якій країні, синку! Een man en zijn zoontje lopen over straat. Vraagt het jongetje aan zijn vader “Papa, klopt het dat je als man in Afrika je vrouw pas leert kennen nadat je getrouwd bent met haar?” Waarop zijn vader... – Är det sant, pappa, att i vissa delar av Afrika känner inte mannen sin hustru innan de gift sig? – Så är det i alla länder, min son. Pepíček se ptá: „Tatínku, je pravda, že ve Východní Asii muž neví, koho si bere až do dne svatby?” Tatínek: „Víš Pepíčku, to asi platí ve všech zemích stejně.” - E adevarat, taticule, ca in unele parti ale Africii Barbatul nu isi cunoaste sotia decit dupa Casatorie? - La fel se intimpla in toate tarile! - Papa, il paraît qu'en Afrique, dans certains pays, les hommes ne connaissent leur femme que le jour du mariage. C'est vrai ? - Mais, c'est vrai dans tous les pays du monde, mon chéri ! Syn pyta ojca: - Czy to prawda, że w niektórych krajach Afryki mężczyzna nie zna swojej żony do momentu, aż się z nią ożeni? - To się dzieje w każdym kraju, synu... - Μπαμπά άκουσα ότι σε κάποιες χώρες της Αφρικής ο άντρας δεν γνωρίζει την γυναίκα που θα παντρευτεί μέχρι την ημέρα του γάμου τους. - Αυτό παιδί μου συμβαίνει σε όλες τις χώρες. O filho mais novo pergunta ao pai: — Pai, é verdade que em alguns países da África os maridos não conhecem suas esposas antes do casamento? — Não, filho. Isso acontece em todos países. Синот го прашува таткото: Вистина ли е дека во некои области на Африка мажот не ја познава жената сè додека не ја ожени? Таткото: Така ти е тоа, сине мој, во сите земји.
Little Johnny: Dad, Is it true? I heard that in some countries where arranged marriage is a custom, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries!
Father: Son, that happens everywhere, after marriage you find out everything!”
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Marriage and Family Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Men jokes Dad Jokes
A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living.
Timmy stood up and said, "My mom is a doctor!"
Sarah stood up and said, "My father is a professor!"
Little Johnny stood up and said, "My dad is a piano player in a whоrеhоusе!"
The teacher couldn't believe what she's had just heard, so she made a point of calling Little Johnny's father that evening to discuss the situation.
Little Johnny's father explained, "Actually, I'm a law attorney, but how am I supposed to explain that to a seven year old kid!"
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Student jokes School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Kids Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Lawyer Jokes Dad Jokes
Little Johnny was in bible study one morning. Sally was sleeping in front of Johnny.
The teacher asked Sally who our Lord and savior was.
Little Johnny poked her in the вuтт with a pin and she screamed "Jesus Сhrisт!"
And fell back to sleep.
A little while later the teacher asked Sally who created our world.
Johnny poked her in the вuтт again and Sally screamed "oh my god!"
And fell back to sleep.
Later the teacher asked Sally what Eve said to Adam after they had their fifth child.
Johnny poked her in the вuтт and Sally screamed "if you stick that thing in me one more time I'm gonna break it!"
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Religion jokes School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes God Jokes Bible Jokes
Урок по математика. Урок по математика. Уpок аpифметики. Училка задает Вовочке вопpос: Учитель спрашивает Вовочку: Mały Jasiu chodzi do klasy matematycznej. Pewnego dnia nauczyciel wezwał go do odpowiedzi: - Gdybym Ci dał 500 złotych, a Ty byś dał 100 zł Marysi, 100 zł Basi i 100 zł Zuzi, to co byś miał?...
Little Johnny was in his maths lesson one day when his teacher asked him a question to see if he was paying attention.
"If I gave you 20," she began, "and you gave 5 to Mary, 5 to Sally and 5 to Susan, what would you have?"
Johnny thought about this and then answered, "An оrgy?"
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Little Johnny Jokes School Jokes
Little Johnny's next door neighbor had a baby. Unfortunately, the little baby was born with no ears. When they arrived home from the hospital, the parents invited Little Johnny's family to come over and see their new baby.
Little Johnny's parents were very afraid their son would have a wise сrаск to say about the baby. So, Little Johnny's dad had a long talk with Little Johnny before going to the neighbors.
He said, "Now, son...that poor baby was born without any ears. I want you to be on your best behavior and not say one word about his ears, or I'm really going to spank you when we get back home.
"I promise not to mention his ears at all," said Little Johnny.
At the neighbor's home, Little Johnny leaned over the crib and touched the baby's hand. He looked at its mother and said, "Oh, what a beautiful little baby!"
The mother said, "Thank you very much, Little Johnny."
He then said, "This baby has perfect little hands and perfect little feet. Why... just look at his pretty little eyes! Did his doctor say he can see good?"
The Mother said, "Why, yes... his doctor said he has 20/20 vision."
Little Johnny said, "Well, it's a dамn good thing, cause he sure as hеll can't wear glasses!"
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Little Johnny Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dad Jokes
Little Mary talking to Little Johnny: I found twenty cents on the sidewalk.
Little Johnny: That's mine. I dropped a twenty-cent coin there this morning.
Little Mary: But, what I found was two ten-cent coins!
Little Johnny: That's it. I heard it break when it hit the ground.
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Little Johnny Jokes
Little Johnny and his family lived in the country, and as a result seldom had guests. He was eager to help his mother after his father appeared with two dinner guests from the office. When the dinner was nearly over, Little Johnny went to the kitchen and proudly carried in the first piece of apple pie, giving it to his father who passed it to a guest. Little Johnny came in with a second piece of pie and gave it to his father, who again gave it to a guest. This was too much for Little Johnny, who said, "It's no use, Dad. The pieces are all the same size."
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Little Johnny Jokes
Little Johnny was in church, getting restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on. Not able to take it anymore, he leaned over to his father and whispered,
"Hey, Dad, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?"
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Church jokes Money jokes Little Johnny Jokes Priest Jokes Dad Jokes
Two Black Eyes for a Favor Komm der Mann mit zwei blauen Augen nach Hause. Fragt die Frau: Мъж се прибира вкъщи от черква с насинени очи. Little Johnny comes home from sunday school with a black eye. His father sees it and says, "Johnny, how many times do I have to tell you not to fight with the other boys?" Ο Γιαννάκης επιστρέφει από το σχολείο με το αριστερό μάτι μαυρισμένο. Joãozinho chega na aula com o olho roxo e a professora pergunta: — Joãozinho, o que aconteceu com você? Você está com o olho todo roxo! — É professora, eu estava no busão vindo pra aula e do meu lado tinha uma gorda. Aí, quando ela levantou, eu vi que a saia dela tava enfiada no bumbum, então eu... Eina Petriukas su fingalais abiejose akyse ir sutinka draugą. Tas jo klausia: - Kas tau nutiko? - Ai, norėjau gerą darbą padaryti... - Kaip?! - Nu važiuoju autobusu, žiūriu moteriškei į užpakalį... Чого це в тебе синець під оком? — Розумієш, на зупинці автобуса побачив дівчину, в якої плаття залізло в сраку. Я взяв і потихеньку витягувати почав. — І воно тобі було треба? — Я теж потім так...
Johny came crying.
Dad: "What happened?"
Johny: "Today at class when we got up from our seats for prayer, Rita, who sits in front of us, had her skirt stuck between her аss, seeing that my bench mate pulled it out."
Dad: "That's bad, but why you are crying?"
Johny: "I knew that's bad, so I pushed it back into her аss and she slapped me."
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Vulgar jokes Little Johnny Jokes Dirty jokes Dad Jokes
Today in lesson Little Jonny went to the back of the room and Miss McRacen went "Not in the back."
Jonny: "That's what she said."
Miss: "Get out!"
Jonny "She said that too."
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Little Johnny Jokes School Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Communication Jokes
Teacher: "Who can tell a story?"
Little Johnny: "Our maid's аss."
Teacher: "Why?"
Little Johnny: "Last night daddy touched her аss and was whispering: 'A wonderful story.'"
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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Dirty jokes Vulgar jokes Dad Jokes
Little Johnny was starting his first day at a new school and his father called the teacher to tell her that little Johnny was a big gambler.
She said that it was no problem and she has seen worse than that.
After Little Johnny's first day at his new school his father called the teacher to see how it went.
She said, "I think I broke his gambling".
The father asked how and she said, "He bet me $5.00 that I had a mole on my вuтт, so I pulled down my pants and won his money."
"DАМN!" said the father.
"What's wrong?", the teacher asked.
Little Johnny's father said, "This morning he bet me $100.00 he would see his teacher's вuтт before the day was over!"
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School Jokes Money jokes Little Johnny Jokes
One day little Jonny was at his house asleep until he heard his parents arguing and his mom called the dad a "ваsтаrd" and the dad called the mom a "вiтсh".
So little Jonny asked, "dad what does вiтсh and ваsтаrd mean?"
Then his dad said it meant "ladies and gentlemen."
So the next day little Jonny was upstairs in his room until he heard his mom moaning.
He walked into their room and the mom said "feel my тiттiеs" and the dad said "choke on my diск".
Little Jonny asked, "dad what does тiттiеs and diскs mean?"
So his dad said "coats and jackets."
Then it was Thanksgiving and they were having family over for the day and Little Jonny went upstairs and heard his dad say "shiт!"
Because he had cut himself.
And Little Jonny said, "dad what does shiт mean?"
So his dad said "it means wiping shaving cream off my face."
So little Jonny went back downstairs and his mom was in the kitchen stuffing a turkey and she yelled: "fuск!"
So little Jonny asked, "what does fuск mean?"
And she said "stuffing the turkey."
Then the doorbell rang, and Little Jonny opened the door and said: "hello вiтсhеs and ваsтаrds put your тiттiеs and diскs on the coat racket, my dads, upstairs wiping the shiт off his face and my moms in the kitchen fuскing the turkey!"
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Parent Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Dirty jokes Vulgar jokes Thanksgiving Jokes Communication Jokes
Little Johnny once bought his Granny a very fine toilet brush for her birthday.
But when he went to visit her a few weeks later, there wasn't a sign of it in the bathroom.
Little Johnny asked his Grandma, "Granny, what happened to the loo brush I gave you?"
"Darling, I really didn't like it. After all those years, I've gotten used to the toilet paper, and this new thing was just far to scratchy."
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Old People Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Birthday Jokes
The first of September, first lesson. Teacher:
"Please sit quietly, if you want to ask something - raise your hand."
Little Johnny immediately raises his hand.
"You want to ask something?"
"No. Just checking how the system works."
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Little Johnny Jokes Office and Work Jokes School Jokes
Jaimito rezando antes de comer Οχι βεβαια! Προσευχή στο φαγητό Свекървата казва на снахата: Батюшка спрашивает у прихожанина: "Verlangen deine Eltern von dir, dass du vor dem Essen betest?", erkundigt sich der Pfarrer. Teacher: Now, Ramu, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating? В монастыре, монах Вовочке: A professora de Joãozinho pergunta: - Εσύ Τοτό κάνεις την προσευχή σου πριν το φαγητό; Κωστάκη κάνεις το σταυρό σου πριν φας? Andrea va per la prima volta a casa del suo compagno di classe Giulio; durante il pomeriggio fanno i compiti, giocano e poi Andrea viene invitato a rimanere a cena. — Joãozinho, me diga sinceramente, você ora antes de cada refeição? A professora pergunta aos alunos: — Quem aqui reza antes das refeições? Todos levantam a mão, menos Joãozinho. — Joãozinho! Você não reza antes das refeições? — Não, fessora... Lá em casa não precisa! A minha mãe cozinha bem! Jeden przedszkolak mówi do drugiego: - U mnie modlimy się przed każdym posiłkiem. - U mnie nie. Moja mama bardzo dobrze gotuje. La profesora le dice a Jaimito: - Jaimito; contesta sinceramente... ¿rezas antes de cada comida? Y Jaimito responde: - No maestra, mi madre es buena cocinera! Kees tegen Jantje: "Moeten jullie ook altijd bidden voor het eten?"Jantje: "Nee,  mijn moeder kan goed koken." Le curé demande à Toto : - Toto, est-ce que tu fais bien ta prière avant de manger ? - Non, monsieur le curé, je n'ai pas besoin de faire une prière. Maman fait très bien la cuisine! - Jorgito, ¿Vos no rezás antes de comer? - No señorita, mi mamá cocina muy bien. Священик - хлопцеві: - Ти читаєш молитву перед їжею? - Ні. Моя мати добре готує. Rukoillaanko teillä koulussa ennen ruokailua? tiedusteli äiti ekaluokkalaiselta. Ei meidän tarvitse. Opettaja sanoi, että meidän koulussa on tosi hyvät keittäjät. - Jaimito, ¿tú no rezas antes de comer? - No, mi madre es buena cocinera. Pikku-Kallelta kysyttiin pyhäkoulussa, luettiinko heidän perheessään ruokarukous ennen jokaista ateriaa. Pikku-Kalle vastasi ylpeänä: - Ei meidän tarvitse, meidän äiti on aika hyvä kokki. - Tu iti faci rugaciunea la masa, inainte de a Incepe sa maninci? - Nu e nevoie. Nu gateste nevasta-mea, ci Subsemnatul. Mokytojas klausia Petriuko: - Petriuk, ar tu meldiesi prieš valgant? Petriukas atsako: - Ne, mano mama skaniai gamina valgyt. - Jaimito tu rezas antes de comer? - No maestra,esta bien que mi mamá no cocine muy bien pero no es para tanto. Læreren til Lille Peder: - Beder I bordbøn derhjemme. Peder: - Nej, min mor laver god mad. Mācītājs jautā puikam: - Vai tu pirms ēšanas Dievu lūdzi? - Nē, mamma gatavo labi.
Sunday school teacher asks Johnny, "Come now, Little Johnny, tell me the truth, do you say your prayers before eating?"
Little Johnny smiles proudly, "No Miss, there's no need, my mom cooks really well."
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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Food Jokes
The policeman tells Johny at the police station following:
"The thief who wanted to steal your wallet has got: a broken nose, three broken ribs, a concussion of the brain and he misses a bunch of his hair at the back of his head."Please, tell me Johny, how much money did you have in your wallet?"
Johny: "Only three euros."
The policeman: "Goodness! I suppose that if you would have ten euros in your wallet, the thief would probably not survive your self-defense-trial."
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Police Officer Jokes Money jokes Little Johnny Jokes
Little Johnny was going to his faters house one day and he was packing everthing in his room and putting it in his little red wagon.
He was walking to his fathers house with his wagon behind him, when he came to this hill.
He started up the hill but was constantly swearing "This dамn thing is so heavy"
A priest heard him and came out.
"You shouldn't be swearing" said the priest.
"God hears you...He is everywhere...He's in the chruch...He's on the sidewalk...He's everywhere"
Then Little Johnny says "Oh is he in my Wagon"
The priest replies "Yes Johnny God is in your Wagon"
Little Johnny says "Well tell him to get the hеll out and start pulling"
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Priest Jokes Little Johnny Jokes God Jokes Church jokes Dad Jokes Priest Jokes
One day little Johnny comes home one day from school and his mom asks him how his day was.
He replies, "Mom, today I had sеx with the teacher!"
Immediately she was angry.
She said, "just wait 'till your dad gets home, he's going to be very mad at you.
Go to your room!"
So the boy goes to his room and finally his dad is home and comes up to the room.
The boy tells his dad and the dad is proud of the boy.
"Great job son!
How old are you 12? 13?
How about we go down to the store and get that shiny red bicycle you wanted?"
So, they go to the store and the dad buys the bike for his son.
Then he says, "well Johnny, do you want to ride the bike home?"
The boy answers, " No, that's okay Dad, My аss is still sore!"
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Gross Jokes School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Sex Jokes Dad Jokes
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