Men jokes - Page 225

Bully:says your gay
You:Mate, take your тамроn off so we can talk like real men

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The man of the house was getting frustrated with his yard. The grass just wasn't growing, wasn't green and lush like he had expected. He tried wееd-n-feed, extra watering, and reseeding. His grass just wouldn't grow. The angry man sat down in the middle of his yard, and yelled out, "Why aren't you happy, grass, I've done everything for you!"
The grass replied, "Because I'm just not in the mood, dude. Don't you know what I am? I am crab grass! Now leave me alone. I am really not in the mood!"

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Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes

- A man goes to the dentist and says:
- My teeth are kind of yellow, what do you recommend?
- A brown tie!!!

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes

Q. What do you call two gаy Irish men?
A. Patrick Fitzgerald and Gerald Fitzpatrick.

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Men jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

What is funny about 4 black men in a Cadillac running off a cliff....(They are dead)................ THAT WAS ME CAR!

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Men jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

Just got an Oscar nomination for my role as “man surprised his credit card was declined”

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Men jokes One-Liner Jokes

Q. What do you call a gingеr bread man with one leg?
A. Limp biscuit

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Men jokes One-Liner Jokes

A man entered his doctor's office with a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana stuck in his right ear. "Doc," he asked,
"What's wrong with me?"
"Simple," replied the doctor, "You aren't eating right."

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Office and Work Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes

God made a man and then rested.
God made a woman and then no one rested.

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes God Jokes Men jokes

Behind every successful man there is a strong, supportive woman... and a very surprised mother-in-law!

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes

When I got married all my friends gave me grief about it. They're like, 'Man, you only get to have sеx with one woman for the rest of your life,' which that's turned out to be true. But one woman is actually a helluva lot better than the nobody I was working with before.

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Friendship Jokes

Items 11- 20 Of 31 … …
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11. Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning, even though the husband and children never have time to eat them. …
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12. Cars and trucks that crash will almost always burst into flames. … …
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13. A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of a football stadium. …
14. Medieval peasants had perfect teeth. … …
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15. All single women have a cat. …
16. Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
17. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at one.
18. Creepy music coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated.
19. Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper cuttings - especially if any of their family or friends has died in a strange boating accident.
20. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involved martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessor.

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Friendship Jokes Single People Jokes

3 men captured by female savages, are told their diскs would be removed, in a manner appropriate to their jobs.
1st was a lumberjack so his would be chopped off.
2nd was a butcher, so his would be sliced off.
3rd man started laughing.
The females asked what was so funny.
He replied ‘I work for Dyson!”

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Men jokes

I just walked by an old man who kept saying, “One, three, five, seven, nine… one, three, five, seven, nine…”
I thought, “How odd.”

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Men jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

A man finds a bottle and opens it. A genie comes out.
The genie tells him, “By genie law I must give you three wishes, but after thousands of years of being in that bottle, I have become a very angry genie. You will still get your three wishes, but your worst enemy will get twice of whatever you wish.”
The man says, “First wish, I want 20 beautiful nymphomaniac women, all totally loyal to me, and willing to serve my every need.”
The genie replies, “Granted, but remember, your worst enemy gets twice that.”
The man says, “Second wish, I want a house with sеx themed rooms, stocked with the best sеxuаl toys in the world.”
The genie replies, “Granted, but remember, your worst enemy gets twice that.”
The man then says, “Third wish, I want to lose one nut.”

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Sex Jokes

A woman is in Court to try to get maintenance arranged for her child and the Judge says that she must name the father of the child so that he can pay.
The woman says that this is a bit difficult as the father was a ghost that haunted her house at that time.
The Judge says this is ridiculous and asks the court if anyone in the building has ever had sеxuаl inтеrсоursе with a ghost.
To his surprise a man’s hand is raised slowly in the public gallery.
The Judge says “Are you prepared to swear in Court sir, that you have had sеx with a ghost?”
The man but smiled and put his hand to his mouth and said “Oh sorry, I thought you asked if anyone had had sеx with a goat!!”

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Sex Jokes

What did the chainsaw say to the black man,RUN NIGGА NIGGА RUN.

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Men jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

Always borrow money from a pessimist He won’t expect it back …
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Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat instead. …
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Sign in the pharmacy’s соndом aisle:
“No balloon, no party.” …
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Money can’t buy happiness but it makes misery a lot easier to live with. …
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We have enough gun control. What we need is idiот control. …
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Good girls are bad girls that never get caught. …
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A computer beat me at chess once but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire but it takes a whole box to start one in your fireplace?
We now live in a society where the pizzeria can bake a 14″ pepperoni and get it to your house faster than the ambulance
Stealing ideas from one person is plagiarism. Stealing ideas from many people is research.

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Money jokes Men jokes One-Liner Jokes

Two New Yorkers are in Las Vegas gambling, and they win two hundred thousand dollars. One man says to the other, “come on let’s go out and paint the town!” “You know.” Says his friend, “I think this money is New York money. This dough is earmarked for the Big Apple, and I think we should go back there to spend it.” “You’re right,” says the first man. “Let’s go out to the airport right now and catch the first plane back.”
“Forget the airport,” says the friend, “let’s just take a limo.” “Forget the limo,” says the first man, and then he yells, “taxi!” A cab pulls up in front of the two men. The friend opens the door and is about to get in when the first man says to him, “Say, where in New York do you live?” “Fifty-ninth Street,” says the friend. The first man then says, “In that case, I had better get in first because I’m getting out at forty-third.”

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Money jokes Men jokes Friendship Jokes

A male’s two most precious belongings, and the boast of his manhood. Usually when the phrase “deez nuts” is used it is to flaunt one’s genital superiority to either gain a great laugh or just рiss them off.
Me: Do you like parodies?
Victim: uh…yeah sometimes
Me: well how’d you like a pair o’ Deez NUTS ENYA Mouth?!
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Me: You ever been to Chewons?
You: Whats Chewons?
Me: Chew on Deez Nuts.
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“Want two CD’s?”
“Yeah.”
“Want to see deez nuts?!?”
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“Hey let me borrow your car.”
“Why don’t you borrow deez nuts.”
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Do you prefer tapes or cds?
Cds.
Well see deez nuts.
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“Hey, do you want some tape and CD’s?”
“What am I gonna do with that?”
“You can tape my diск to your forehead so you can See Deez Nuts!

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Men jokes