Men jokes

Most popular in this category
Men jokes
Whenever we use similes for some reason, we always use animals. And I'll show you what I mean. They say a man's an animal trying to pick up a girl at a bar. He likes to show her he's strong as an ox, sly as a fox, memory like an elephant, can become slippery as an eel, a regular snake in the grass. Girl likes that; she's going home with him. They're snug as two bugs in a rug. So they go home. They huмр like rabbits. Unfortunately, he's quick as a bunny. She's depressed. She goes right into the refrigerator. She's hungry as a bear, eats like a pig. He goes to the liquor cabinet, gets drunк as a skunk. He drinks like a fish; he's blind as a bat. Next thing you know, he's out in the street, nакеd as a jaybird. He's рissing like a racehorse. He goes, 'Sсrеw her. I'm hung like a horse.'
Animal Jokes Men jokes
Out on the golf course with his wife, the husband says,
“Twenty years ago I had a brief affair. It meant nothing.
I hope you can forgive me.”
His wife was hurt but said, “Dearest, those days are long
Gone. What we have now is far more valuable. I forgive
You.” They embraced and kissed.
On the seventeenth tee, the husband was starting his back
Swing when the wife blurted out, “I’m sorry darling, I’ve
Been so conscience-stricken since you told me, but since
We’re being honest with each other, I have something to
Tell you also. Fifty-two years ago I had a sеx change
Operation. I was a man before I met you. I hope you can
Forgive me.”
The husband, froze at the top of his back swing, then threw
A fit! He slammed the driver into the ground, kicked the
Ball into the woods, stormed off the tee, pushed the golf
Cart over on its side, broke the rest of his clubs one by
One, then started on hers.
He screamed and ranted, “You liar! You cheat! You despicable
Deceiver! How could you? I trusted you with all my heart
And soul…and all these years you’ve been playing off the frickin’
Ladies’ tees!”
Sports Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes
Men jokes Old People Jokes
A young woman, watching her brother get dressed for a stag smoker asks, “What exactly is a stag smoker?”
“Hey,” says her brother, “It’s exclusively for men. Women couldn’t understand or appreciate the significance. It’s a secret.”
Curiosity gets the best of her and she decides to crash the smoker to see for herself what it’s all about - Men only, indeed!! She wraps a towel very tightly around her вrеаsтs, dresses in some of her brothers clothes, shirt, tie, pants and jacket. Being a little concerned about the bulge her вrеаsтs make through the jacket, she decides that if anyone mentions it she’d simply say that she was deformed.
After putting on a fake mustache and covering her hair with a hat she leaves for the smoker. As she boards a bus, the driver stares at her strangely.
“Hey, pal, Are you OK?” the bus driver asks.
The young lady responds, “Oh, yeah, I’m just a little deformed.”
“I guess the hеll you are,” says the bus driver, “your fly is open and your аsshоlе is showing!”
Jokes about Women Men jokes
Men jokes Business jokes
Men jokes
On his 70th birthday, a man was given a gift certificate from his wife. The certificate was for consultation with an Indian medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a simple cure for erectile dysfunction. The husband went to the reservation and saw the medicine man.
The old Indian gave him a potion and, with a grip on his shoulder, warned ‘This is a powerful medicine. You take only a teaspoonful, and then say: ‘1-2-3.’ When you do, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform for as long as you want.”
The man thanked the old Indian, and as he walked away, he turned and asked:
“How do I stop the medicine from working?”
“Your partner must say ‘1-2-3-4,’ he responded, “but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon.”
He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom.
When she came in, he took off his clothes and said:
“1-2-3!” Immediately, he was the manliest of men.
His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes, and asked:
“What was the 1-2-3 for?”
And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle.
Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes