Men jokes - Page 88

A very old man went to a church, making this confession:
- Father, I am 78 years old, I have been married for 40 years.
All these years I had been faithful to my wife, but yesterday I had sеx with an 21 year old woman.
- When was the last time you made a confession?
- I never have, I am Jewish.
- Then why are you telling it to me?
- I am telling it everybody ...

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A female police officer arrests a guy for drunк driving.
While reading him his Miranda Rights, the female officer tells the man:
"Sir, you have the right to remain silent.
Anything you say, can and will be held against you."
"Воовs" the drunк replied.

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Police Officer Jokes Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Boob Jokes

St Peter is standing at heaven's gate when a man walks up.
"Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?"
"I was a policeman," he responded.
"What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked.
"I was a vice officer. I kept dangerous narcotics out of the hands of kids."
"Wonderful my son, welcome to heaven. Pass through the gates."
A few moments later a second man walks up.
"Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?"
"I was a policeman," he responded.
"What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked.
"I was a traffic officer. I kept the roads and highways safe for travelers."
"Well done. Pass through the gates into paradise."
A few moments later a third man walks up.
"Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?"
"I was a policeman," he responded.
"What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked.
"I was a Military Policeman, Sir."
"Excellent my son, I've gotta take a leak, watch the gate will ya?"

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Military Jokes Office and Work Jokes Kids Jokes Men jokes Police Officer Jokes Heaven And Hell Jokes

The millionaire was arrested for speeding and brought before the judge in a small community. When the judge offered him the alternative of paying a $10 fine or serving ten days in jail the millionaire decided to take the ten days. “But, my good man, you are wealthy,” said the judge, amazement ringing his face. “Why you should prefer ten days in jail to paying a $10 fine is beyond me.” “It’s like this, Judge,” the man explained. “Our chef left and my wife figures it’ll take that long to find a new one.”

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Judge and Court Jokes Men jokes

One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side.
He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
"Why are you eating grass?" he asked one man.
"We don't have any money for food."
the poor man replied.
"Oh, come along with me then."
"But sir, I have a wife with two children!"
"Bring them along!
And you, come with us too!", he said to the other man.
"But sir, I have a wife with six children!"
the second man answered.
"Bring them as well!"
They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limo.
Once underway, one of the poor fellows says, "Sir, you are too kind.
Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The lawyer replied, "No problem, the grass at my home is about two feet tall!"

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Food Jokes Money jokes Men jokes Lawyer Jokes

There are 3 men on a plane a Mexican an American and a Russian the Mexican says "I hate my country!"
And throughs a soup out the window the American says "I hate my country" and throughs a pie out the window.
The Russian says "I hate my country!"
And throughs a bomb out the window.
Then the plane lands and the Mexican sees a kid crying the Mexican says "what's wrong kid?"
The kid says "a soup fell on my mom's head and she burnt to death."
"I didn't do that" says the Mexican.
The American was walking and saw a kid crying "what's wrong kid?"
The kid says "my mom was driving and a pie fell on her windshield and drove off a cliff cause she couldn't see!"
"I didn't do that" says the American.
Then the Russian gets off the plane and saw a kid laughing his head off.
The Russian says "what's so funny?"
The kid says " daddy farted and the house went BOOM BOOM!"

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Kids Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Men jokes Mexican jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Aviation Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes American Jokes

I'm busy.
You're ugly.
Have a nice day.

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Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes

While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat.
He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft.
Spotting and old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted,"Are there any gators around here?!"
"Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!"
"Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore.
About halfway there he asked the guy,"How'd you get rid of the gators?"
"We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said.
"The sharks got 'em."

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Sports Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes

A gypsy man buys land next to the house of a doctor.
He hires an engineer and then gets him build an identical house.
When he finished the house, the gypsy man comes to the balcony and shouts the doctor.
"Doctor – Doctor!"
"What is you gypsy eh?"
The doctor says. "Well, maybe you don’t like me but we are the same because we have the same house!"
"No way, the doctor says, because we do not have the same furniture..." the gypsy man angry as he is, oders the same furniture and he comes to the balcony again.
"Doctor – Doctor! We have the same house, the same furniture, we are the same ourselves!"
"What are you saying you sтuрid gypsy do we have the same car?" the doctor says. and shows at his luxurious MERCEDES in the garage.
Angrier the gypsy man gets loans and buy an identical MERCEDES and goes back to the balcony.
"Doctor – Doctor!"
"What do you want again eh?" doctor says
"I am “better” than you!"
"Why is that eh?" doctor says.
"We own the same house, furniture and same car, right?" The gypsy says.
"I agree, but do these make you better than me?" the doctor says.
"Because I have a neighbor doctor, and you have a neighbor Gypsy!Ha!"

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Car and driving jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Banker Jokes

A woman places an ad in the local newspaper.
"Looking for a man with three qualifications: won’t beat me up, won’t run away from me, and is great in bed."
Two days later her doorbell rings.
"Hi, I’m Tim. I have no arms so I won’t beat you, and no legs so I won't run away."
"What makes you think you are great in bed?" the woman retorts.
Tim replies, "I rang the doorbell, didn’t I?"

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Sex Jokes

Personally, I’m quite happy about the the number of able-bodied male “refugees” immigrating to Europe from the middle east… …
…
I just opened flower shops around the corner from the French and German embassies.

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Political Jokes Men jokes Europe and European Union Jokes

An attractive Irish blonde at a Casino seemed a little Intoxicated
She bet 10,000 Euro on a single Roll of dice and said: “I hope u don’t mind, but I feel Luckier when I am in my birthday suit..!”
With that she threw her clothes off, rolled the dice & yelled , “Come on baby…Mama needs new Clothes!”
As the Dice came to a stop, she jumped and Squealed, “YES! YES! I WON! I WON!”
She hugged each dealer and picked up her winnings and her clothes and left…
The dealers stared at each other….Dumbfounded …Finally, one of them asked,
“What number rolled on the dice”
The other answered: “I don’t know… I thought you were watching”
MORAL OF THE STORY
All Irish aren’t Drunk
All Blondes aren’t dumb
But all Men are Men..!!!

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Blonde Jokes Men jokes Single People Jokes Bad Habits Jokes

No woman ever falls in love with a man unless she has a better opinion of him than he deserves.

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Love Jokes

A man returns home and find his wife with his best friend.
He takes out the gun and shoots his friend to death.
His wife:
"Listen, if you stay in such character, you will lose all your friends."

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Friendship Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Sick and Death Jokes

A man recently had his arm amputated and decided to кill himself by jumping off a building. When he was ready to jump, he saw a man with both arms amputated dancing around. He decided to find out why he was so happy. The man told him, “I’m not dancing. My аss is itching and I can’t scratch it!”

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Boycott Jokes Men jokes

There was this homeless drunк dude laying in an alley talking out loud saying, "I wish had another drink." He then passed out. As he was saying that, a gаy dude was walking by and heard him. When the gаy guy came back, he f*cked the homeless guy and put three dollars in his pocket. The homeless dude woke up later and found the money, ran to the liquor store, and said, "Give me the cheapest half of pint you have," and went back to his spot, drunк it and passed out again. The gаy dude came back, f*cked the homeless dude again, and left five dollars. He ran back to the liquor store and said, "Give me the cheapest pint you have," and went back to his spot. The gаy dude came back again. Once he saw the homeless man passed out, he f*cked him again and left eight dollars The homeless dude woke up and realized he had some more money. He ran back to the liquor store, and before he could say a word, the owner said, "I know, you want the cheapest pint you can get," and the homeless dude said, "No, give me the most expensive half you got. That cheap liquor is tearing my аss up."

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Money jokes Men jokes Boycott Jokes

A beautiful woman delights a man's eye, an ugly - woman's eye.

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Beauty Jokes

I just read about this terrible thing that goes on in parts of the world, parts of west Africa and parts of the Middle East. A woman turns of age -- as a ritual, they cut off her сliтоris: genital mutilation. This is awful. I heard about this, I thought, 'Oh my God, no matter how much I complain about our country, I should be thankful this will never be a ritual here 'cause the men here don't know where the сliтоris is.'

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Jokes about Women God Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Men jokes Africa Jokes

A foursome approached the sixteenth tee. The straight fairway ran along a road and bike path fenced off on the left. The first golfer teed of and hooked the ball into that direction. But the ball went over the fence and bounced off the bike path onto the road, where it hit the tire of a moving bus and was knocked back on to the fairway. As they all stood in silent amazement, one man finally asked him, “How on earth did you do that?” He shrugged his shoulders and said, “You have to know the bus schedule.”

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Golf jokes Men jokes

A mathematician is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat which isn't there.

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Math Jokes Men jokes