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One-Liner Jokes

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A doctor is talking to a car mechanic, "Your fee is several times more per hour then we get paid for medical care."
"Yeah, but you see, doc, you have always the same model, it hasn't changed since Adam; but we have to keep up to date with new models coming every month."
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One-Liner Jokes Money jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes
24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ...coincidence?
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В един ден има 24 часа, в една каса има 24 бири. Съвпадение ли е?
One-Liner Jokes Beer Jokes
Lawyer: "Is it a сriме to throw sodium in your enemy's eyes?"
Judge: "Yes, that's аssаulт."
Lawyer: "I know it's a salt but is it a сriме?"
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Judge and Court Jokes One-Liner Jokes Lawyer Jokes
Chuck Norris once went skydiving but promised never to do it again.
One Grand Canyon is enough.
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Кањон Chuck Norris once went sky diving, he did not use a parachute. The spot he landed on is now known as the Grand Canyon.
Chuck Norris Jokes One-Liner Jokes
A Blonde goes over to her friend's house wearing a T.G.I.F. T-shirt.
'Why are you wearing a Thank God It's Friday tee-shirt on Monday?'
'Oh сrар!' the blonde says. 'I didn't Realize it was a religious T-shirt. I thought it meant Тiтs Go In Front'
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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes Monday jokes Friday jokes Boob Jokes
Theres a store in my neighborhood called Futon World. I love that name, Futon World. Makes me think of a magical place that becomes less comfortable over time.
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One-Liner Jokes
Moe: "Where did Larry go?"
Curly: "He’s round in front."
Moe: "I know what he looks like, I just wanted to know where he went."
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One-Liner Jokes
Why don't blondes eat bananas?
They can't find the zipper.
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Защо блондинките не ядат банани? Blondinen und Bananen Οι μπανάνες Pourquoi les blondes mangent pas de bananes? Wieso essen Blondienen grundsätzlich keine Bananen? - Weil sie an der Suche nach dem Reißverschluss verzweifeln. P: Porque loiras não comem banana? R: Por não achar o zíper... Perche’ le bionde non mangiano banane ? Perche’ non riescono a trovare la cerniera oppure non riescono a trovare il tappo. Dlaczego blondynki nie jedzą bananów? - Bo nie mogą znaleźć suwaka. Proč blondýnky nejí banány? - Protože nemůžou najít zip.
One-Liner Jokes Blonde Jokes
Q: What do blondes and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common?
A: Take away the вrеаsтs and the legs, and all you have left is a dirтy box.
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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes
Two blondes walking down the street. One reaches into her pocketbook for a make up compact and looks into the mirror.
"This picture looks like someone I know" she says. The other one has a look and says,
"Of course duммy, it's ME...."
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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes
"During the trial, a lawyer objected to the audiologist's testimony, calling it hearsay."
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One-Liner Jokes Lawyer Jokes
Doctor:
“The results of your bold test have come in.”
“You mean blood test?”
“Hm, must be a Type-O.”
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One-Liner Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes
"I heard JC Penney was opening even earlier for Black Friday this year!"
"Really, when?"
"Halloween."
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Halloween Jokes One-Liner Jokes Friday jokes
I can't wait until Friday to celebrate valentines day... said no one ever.
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Valentine's Day Jokes One-Liner Jokes
No woman will ever be truly satisfied on Valentines day because no man has a chocolate реnis wrapped in money that еjасulатеs diamonds.
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Valentine's Day Jokes Jokes about Women Money jokes Men jokes One-Liner Jokes Chocolate Jokes
If you're sad about being alone on Valentine's day, just remember... nobody loves you on the other days of the year either.
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Если 14 февраля тебе вдруг стало грустно от того, что тебе не с кем провести этот праздник, что тебя никто не любит и не обнимает - не расстраивайся, Ако си тъжен, защото си сам на Свети Валентин... не забравяй... Никой не те обича и през другите дни от годината също. Jei per Valentino dienos šventę esi vienas, nenusimink, tiesiog, tai reiškia, kad ir kitomis, paprastomis dienomis tavęs niekas nemyli.
One-Liner Jokes Valentine's Day Jokes
A blonde and a brunette are skydiving.
The brunette jumps out the plane and pulls the cord and nothing happens.
She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing.
The blonde finally jumps out of the plane and yells, "Oh! So you wanna race, huh?"
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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes Aviation Jokes
A family of three tomatoes were walking downtown one day when the little baby tomato started lagging behind. The big father tomato walks back to the baby tomato, stomps on her, squashing her into a red paste, and says, "Ketchup!"
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Два домата Gehen 2 Tomaten über die Straße. Plötzlich kommt ein Auto. Da sagt die eine Tomate zur anderen: "Komm Ketchup, wir gehen weiter." Deux tomates traversent la rue, une des deux se fait écraser et l'autre dit « Alors tu viens, Ketchup ». Era una vez un tomatito y una tomatita y iban caminando por la calle. Venía pasando un carro y atropelló al tomatito. La tomatita le preguntó al tomatito: ¿Qué te hicieron? Y dice el tomatito: Ketchup Kaksi tomaattia kävelee tiellä. Toinen jää auton alle ja ehjänä säilynyt ilkkuu: “Mitä ketsuppi?” Jdou tři rajčata, táta rajče, máma rajče a syn rajče. Syn rajče se loudá někde vzadu, a tak se pro něj táta rajče vrátí. Vrazí synovi facku a povídá: „Pro příště si pamatuj, že se máš držet těsně... Iban pasando por la calle dos tomatitos y atropellan a uno y el otro le dice que te hicieron catsup Idą dwa pomidory przez jezdnię. Jednego przejechało, a drugi mówi do niego: - Wstawaj ketchup, idziemy dalej. Det var en gång två tomater som var ute och gick. Dem skulle gå över en väg då det kom en bil körande. Den ena tomaten blev överkörd. Då så sa den andra tomaten: - Kom nu ketchup så går vi. En gång när 2 st tomater skulle gå över vägen så blev ena överkörd av en bil. Då sa den andre. - Kom nu ketchup! Två tomater gick över gatan, den ena blev över körd och då sa den andra: - Kom nu ketchup!!! ¿ Sabes como estornudan los tomates? Ketchup ,ketchup xD Bija divi lielie tomāti un viens tomātiņš Viņi gāja pāri ielai un Mazo tomātiņu nobrauca un Tonātiņa mamma teica pasteidzies kečupiņ! Kaksi tomaattia käveli suojatien yli, toinen jäi auton alle ja toinen huusi tulehan jo ketsuppi. Lähde: Äitin kaveri Idu dvije rajcice ulicom jednu zgazi auto, druga vice ketchap 2 Rajčice Hodaju Po Cesti Jednu Zgazi Auto. Druga Kaže Ketchup! C'est deux tomates qui veulent traverser une route. La première passe mais la deuxième se fait écraser. La tomate qui est passée dit a l'autre :  « Tu viens Ketchup? » There were three tomatoes: a mum, a dad and a son. The son lagged behind and fell splat on the floor. His dad yelled to him, "Ketchup, son."
One-Liner Jokes
There were 79 unprovoked shark attacks last year. Unprovoked -- do we need that word in there? Are there people provoking shark attacks? Is there some diск from Jersey in the water: Hey shark, you freakin lookin at me? You got a problem or somethin? I got somethin for you to bite right here!
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One-Liner Jokes
What did the blonde mother say to the blonde daughter? "If you're not in bed by 12, you can come home!"
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Какво казва майката на една блондинка на дъщеря си преди първата й среща с момче? Μητρική συμβουλή !!! Συμβουλή πρίν απο το ραντεβού Ξανθιά μαμά - ξανθιά κόρη. Qu'est-ce que dit une maman à sa fille blonde qui s'apprête à sortir ? Какво казва майката на дъщеря си блондинка, която излиза вечерта: Was sagt die Mutter der Blondine ihrer Tochter vor dem ersten Date? "Wenn Du vor 12 nicht im Bett bist, komm nach Hause!" Συμβουλή ξανθιάς μαμάς στην ξανθιά κόρη πριν την έξοδό της... Αν μέχρι τις 11:00 δεν είσαι στο κρεβάτι να γυρίσεις σπίτι. Was sagt eine Blondine am Samstagabend um 23 Uhr? "Wenn ich um 23:30 Uhr nicht im Bett bin, gehe ich nach Hause." Quel est le conseil que donne la mère d'une blonde à sa fille quand elle sort le soir ? Ma fille, si tu n'es pas couchée avant minuit, rentres à la maison !!! Vad gör blondinen om hon inte är i säng före 12? Tar sin handväska och går hem Co powiedziała mama do blondynki przed jej randką? - Jeśli nie będziesz w łóżku przed północą, wracaj do domu. Cosa ha detto la mamma della bionda a suo figlia prima che quest’ultima andasse ad un appuntamento ? Se non sei a letto per mezzanotte, torna a casa. Mitä äiti sanoi blondille, kun tämä oli lähdössä treffeille? - Jos et ole sängyssä klo 12:een mennessä, niin tule kotiin. Hvad sagde blondinens mor inden blondinens første date? - Hvis du ikke er i seng inden kl 24:00, så kom hjem. Vad gör en blondin som inte är i säng före midnatt? – Ger upp och går hem från krogen.
Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes
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