One-Liner Jokes

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“Thanksgiving dinners take 18 hours to prepare. They are consumed in 12 minutes. Half-times take 12 minutes. This is not coincidence.” — Erma Bombeck “An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.” — Irv Kupcinet “Growing up, Christmas was always about me, and eventually you, when I finally started to enjoy the giving part. But Thanksgiving is always about us.” — Rosecrans Baldwin My family told me to stop telling Thanksgiving jokes ... but I told them I couldn't quit "cold turkey."
"Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough.” — Oprah Winfrey If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet. What does Thanksgiving have in common with Halloween? Gobble-ins! Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected fowl play. Why did the turkey play the drums in his band? Because he already had drum sticks! “If a fellow isn't thankful for what he's got, he isn't likely to be thankful for what he's going to get.” — Frank A. Clark If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims! “Real ballplayers pass the stuffing by rolling it up in a ball and batting it across the table with a turkey leg.” - Tom Swyers “I suppose I will die never knowing what pumpkin pie tastes like when you have room for it.” - Robert Brault
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