School Jokes

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Малкият Иванчо се прибира и от вратата вика: Млад актер ја добил првата улога и му се јавува на својот татко: Der junge Schauspieler verkündet stolz, er habe jetzt seine erste Rolle erhalten: "Ich spiele einen Ehemann, der seit 25 Jahren verheiratet ist." "Nicht schlecht für den Anfang", meint sein Vater,...
School Jokes
The teacher asks a student: - Can you tell me the names of three great kings who has brought happiness and peace into peoples lifes? Student says: - Drin-King, Smo-King and Fuc-King Tijdens de engelse les vraagt de juffrouw, uiteraard in het engels, aan Jantje: "Jantje, can you tell me the name of three great kings who have brought happiness and peace into people's lives?"... Waarop Jantje antwoord: "Drin-king, smo-king, and fuc-king." Teacher: Name three Kings of England who greatly transformed the country and made it a better place to live. Student: Drin-king, smo-king and fu-king.
Dirty jokes School Jokes
Кој е глуп Little Johnny... Stand Up Jaimito y la profesora nueva учитель просит учеников: -встаньте, кто считает себя тупицей. после... урок в школе. учитель: - кто считает себя придурком, встаньте!!!... La nouvelle institutrice a envie d’inculquer des notions de psychologie à ses élèves. Един ден в час на класния, учителката казала на децата: Професор към студентите: A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were stupid to stand up. One kid stood up and the teacher was surprised. She didn’t think anyone would stand up so she asked him, One day a college professor after getting irritated in his college class stands up in front of the class and asks if anyone in the class is an idiot, and if there is one then he/she should stand up. Stanco dei suoi studenti che fanno sempre confusione e non seguono le sue lezioni, un professore si alza in piedi e dice alla classe: "Chi si sente uno sciocco si alzi in piedi!" Un professore di una scuola media è disperato per il comportamento dei suoi alunni e fa loro un discorso: Irritado com seus alunos, o professor lança um desafio. Il maestro è disperato perché i ragazzi sono indisciplinati. Der Lehrer sagt: "Alle die glauben ein Idiot zu sein, stehen jetzt bitte auf!" Keiner steht auf. Nach einer Weile steht dann der Klassenbeste auf. Fragt der Lehrer: "Was machst denn du da?" Sagt der Schüler: "Es tut mir leid Sie als Einzigen stehen zu sehen." Wchodzi nauczyciel do klasy i mówi: - Wszyscy nienormalni wstać. Wszyscy uczniowie usiedli, Jasiu stoi. Nauczyciel pyta się: - Jasiu, czemu nie usiadłeś? A Jasiu na to: - Bo mi głupio jak Pan tak sam stoi. Dans une école, une maîtresse dit : - bon , les enfants , je vais vous apprendre une nouvelle pédagogie : que ceux qui se croient stupides se lèvent . Après 20 secondes , personne n'a bougé. -... “If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up” said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet. “Now then, mister, why do you consider yourself an... Jantje zit op school. Zegt de juf: "Wie zichzelf dom vindt,mag gaan staan". Iedereen blijft zitten. Opeens gaat Jantje staan. Juf: "Dus jij vindt jezelf dom, Jantje". "Nee, juf", zegt Jantje,... Der Lehrer sagt zur Klasse: „Wer denkt, dass er ein Dummkopf ist, soll sich hinstellen.“ Nach einiger Zeit, in der keiner aufgestanden ist, steht der Klassenstreber auf. Verblüfft fragt der Lehrer:... Le professeur est debout face aux élèves puis dit : - Tout ceux qui sont débiles se lèvent ! Toto se lève - Toto tu es débile ?! - Je ne voulais pas vous laissez seul monsieur Klass 4:b hade klassråd. Fröken hade tänkt lite på det där med självkänsla och mobbing och tänkte ta det som dagens diskussionsämne. Hon vände sig till klassen och sa: - Alla som känner sig dumma... A professora estava irritada com seus alunos que não responderam às questões da prova então disse: -Quem for burro fique de pé! depois de um tempinho joãzinho se levanta e a professora fala:... En ny lærer i Lille Per's klasse ville afprøve sine psykologi evner på eleverne. Lærerinden: - Alle der tror de er dumme rejser sig op. Efter et par sekunder rejser Lille Per sig op. Lærerinden: -... Una maestra nueva, trata de aplicar sus cursos de Psicología. Comienza su clase diciendo: - Todo aquél que crea que es estúpido, que se ponga de pie. Tras unos segundos de silencio, Jaimito se pone... Іде заняття в школі. Вчитель: — Хто вважає себе дурнем, підведіться. Через хвилину підводиться Вовочка. — Ти що, вважаєш себе дурнем? — Ні, але негарно, коли ви один стоїте... A tanár nincs megelégedve az elsős osztály szellemi színvonalával, ezért gúnyosan így szól hozzájuk: - Aki idiótának érzi magát, az álljon fel! Nagy csend, az egész osztály ülve marad. Egyszer csak... Der Lehrer kommt in die Klasse und fragt: "Wer glaubt, dass er dumm ist, steht auf." Nach einiger Zeit steht Fritzchen, der Klassenbeste, auf. Der Lehrer ist ganz verwundert und fragt, warum er... Začínající učitelka si chce na své třídě vyzkoušet poznatky z psychologie: „Každý, kdo si myslí, že je hloupý, ať se postaví.” Po chvilce se v tiché třídě postavil Pepíček. Kantorka povídá:... A l'école la maîtresse de Toto dit: - Ceux qui sont cons se lèvent Personne ne se lève quand soudain Toto se lève. - Toto pourquoi t'est con? - Non je suis pas con s'est juste que j'avais pitié de... Um certo dia,a professora de Joaquina havia dito a nota das provas dos alunos(é lógico,incluindo Joãozinho)e foram bem e então a prô levanta e exclama: — Estão vendo agora quem se acha burro nessa... Mokytojas: - Vaikai, atsistokite, kas save laikote kvailais! Po kelių minučių atsistoja Petriukas. Mokytojas: - Petriuk, tai tu galvoji, kad esi kvailas? - Ne... Bet nepatogu, kai jūs vienas... A classe era a mais terrível da escola. A meninada simplesmente virava tudo do avesso, sob o comando do implacável Joãozinho. Irritado com seus alunos, o professor lança um desafio: — Vocês são... Nauczyciel wchodzi do klasy i mówi: Kto głupi wstać. Jasiu wstaje. Nauczyciel pyta: - Czemu wstałeś? - Bo nie chciałem, żeby pan tak sam stał. Idioter rejser sig "Hvis der er nogle idioter i dette rum, så vær venlig at rejse jer op" siger den sarkastiske lærer. Efter et stykke tid stiller en af de nye elver sig op. "Javel ja," siger... Skolotāja ienāk klasē: Kurš ir stulbs pieceļās! Jānītis pieceļās. Tu esi stulbs? Nē skolotāj, man vienkārši žēl, ka jūs viena pati stāvat! Okula yeni gelen ögretmen ilk dersinde ögrencilere ilginç bir çagrıda bulundu : - Kendini geri zekalı hisseden varsa ayağa kalksın… Sınıfta çıt yok. Nihayet biri kalktı : - Sen kendini geri zekalı... Der Lehrer: " Wer von euch glaubt, er sei dumm, der steht jetzt auf." Ausgerechnet der Klassenbeste und Streber steht auf. Erstaunt fragt der Lehrer: "Du glaubst von dir, daß du dumm bist?" -... Lehrerin zur Klasse: "Jeder der denkt, er sei doof, steht bitte auf." Fritzchen steht als einziger auf. Lehrerin: "Fritzchen, warum bist du aufgestanden, denkst du, du bist blöd?" Fritzchen: "Nein,...
Little Johnny Jokes School Jokes
На лекция по биология преподавателят обяснява на студентите: Tijdens een les biologie aan de Havard universiteit gaf de prof een uitweiding over het glucose gehalte in het mannelijke zaad. Dankzij deze glucose kunnen de spermacellen lange tijd overleven op... Lekcija universitātē. Profesors stāsta: - Sperma satur tieši tāda paša tipa glikozi,kādu cukurs... Studente: - Bet kāpēc tad sperma nav salda? Auditorija aiz smiekliem vārtās pa grīdu,studente...
Dirty jokes School Jokes Student jokes
The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said,
“My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."
The teacher said,
“That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”
Sally raised her hand. She said,
“My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”
The teacher said,
“Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”
Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.
Johnny said,
“My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her тiтs are so big she can only fasten eight!”
The teacher sat down and cried.
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This Farm Boy Goes Into a Whоrеhоusе...
A farm boy who had just finished his schooling on the farm, was sent by his Ma and Pa to the big city to go to college. The first thing the boy does when he gets to town, is go to find a whоrеhоusе. He goes inside to talk to the madam about getting a girl. She leads him upstairs, opens the door to a room and tells him to sit and wait for the girl to arrive.
After several minutes of anxious waiting, a young, blonde рrоsтiтuте comes in. The boy is beside himself, and he leaps up from the bed, grabs the television, and throws it out the window. The girl thinks this is odd behavior, but she shrugs it off, and begins to undress. As she strips, the farmboy runs over, grabs the night stand and throws it out the window. Again the girl thinks this is odd, but being an experienced hоокеr, she figures it's a fetish and continues disrobing. The girl removes her раnтiеs, and with that, the farm boy grabs the entire bed and starts lugging it toward the window.
The girl, figuring this is one even she hasn't heard of, finally asks, "What the hеll are you doing?"
The farm boy replies, "Ah ain't never been with no woman before but, if it's anythin' like fuскin' sheep, we gonna need all the room we can giт."
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A few clues to being a true Louisianan:
1. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.
2. "Vacation" means going to the family reunion.
3. You've seen all the biggest bands ten years after they were popular.
4. You measure distance in minutes.
5. You know several people who have hit a deer.
6. Your school classes were canceled because of cold.
7. Your school classes were canceled because of heat.
8. You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
9. You think ethanol makes your truck "run a lot better."
10. Stores don't have bags; they have sacks.
11. You see people wearing bib overalls at funerals.
12. You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it,
no matter what time of the year.
13. You use "fix" as a verb. Example: I am fixing to go to the store.
14. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable,
grain, or animal.
15. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both
unlocked.
16. You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, вееr, and Jell-O
salad with marshmallows.
17. You carry jumper cables in your car.
18. You know what "соw tipping" and "snipe hunting" are.
19. You only own four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
20. You think everyone from a вiggеr city has an accent.
21. You think sеxy lingerie is a tee shirt and boxer shorts.
22. The local paper covers national and international news on one page but requires 6 pages for sports.
23. You think that deer season is a national holiday.
24. You find 90 degrees F "a little warm."
25. You know all 4 seasons: Almost summer, summer, Still summer, and
Christmas.
26. You know if another Louisianan is from southern, middle, or northern
Louisiana as soon as they open their mouth.
27. There is a Dairy Queen in every town with a population of 1000 or more.
28. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good gumbo
weather.
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