Sex Jokes

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Среќен поштар Retiring Mailman Το φιλοδώρημα. Joe is on his last day at work as a mailman. He receives many thank-you cards and monetary gifts along his route. It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift certificate... One by one the dustmen lined up to shag the blonde at No.25. Finally it's the turn of the driver and the blonde hands him a tenner. "Merry Christmas" she says. "What's this?" he says "you didn't give my mates a tenner." "No" she explained, "it was my husbands idea. When I asked him what we... Listonosz przechodzi na emeryturę. Wszyscy z okolicznych domów postanowili, że będzie on po raz ostatni chodził od domu do domu i tym razem tylko odbierał prezenty za swoją wieloletnią pracę. Puka do pierwszych drzwi... dostaje wspaniałe wyposażenie wędkarskie... promienieje z radości. Puka do... Een postbode gaat met pensioen en krijgt tijdens zijn laatste ronde van veel mensen een afscheidscadeautje ( een fles cognac of bloemen ). Plots komt hij bij een jonge dame en die sleurt hem naar... Após 35 anos de trabalho, chegou o último dia de Moacir como carteiro. Na primeira casa de sua rota foi recebido com aplausos e presenteado com uma linda camisa. Na segunda, recebeu de presente uma... Finally, it was Ned the Mailman’s last day. As he did his final rounds, he reached the door of the first house and was greeted by a elderly couple who gave him a gift certificate. At the next... Az öreg postás már 35 éve hordta ki a küldeményeket nap, mint nap, hóban és szélben éppúgy, mint a legnagyobb forróságban. Lassan elérte a nyugdíj korhatárt, és azok az emberek, akik ismerték és...
Sex Jokes Christmas Jokes
A boy's parents are fighting and the mom calls the dad a Ваsтаrd and the dad calls the mom a Вiтсh. The kid asks them what it means and they say Ladies and Gentlemen.
That night the son walks in on his parents having angry sеx.
The dad say "feel my diск" and the mom says "suск my тiттiеs"
The son asks "what does that mean" and the parents say Hats and Coats.
The next day the dad is shaving and cuts himself so he screams "shiт!" and the kid asks what it meas and the dad says its a brand of shaving cream.
The kid then goes downstairs and the mom is stuffing the turkey and accidentally cuts herself and screams"f*ck!"
When the guests arrive for Thanksgiving dinner the kid answers the door and says.
"Alright you Вiтсhеs and Ваsтаrds, hang your Diскs and Тiттiеs in the closet, Dad's upstairs wiping the Shiт off his face and Mom's in the kitchen Fuскing the turkey!"
Kids Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Thanksgiving Jokes Dad Jokes
A young single guy is on a cruise ship, having the time of his life. On the second day of the cruise, the ship slams into an iceberg and begins to sink. Passengers around him are screaming, flailing, and drowning but our guy manages to grab on to a piece of driftwood and, using every last ounce of strength, swims a few miles through the shark-infested sea to a remote island.
Sprawled on the shore nearly passed out from exhaustion, he turns his head and sees a woman lying near him, unconscious, barely breathing. She’s also managed to wash up on shore from the sinking ship. He makes his way to her, and with some mouth-to-mouth assistance he manages to get her breathing again. She looks up at him, wide-eyed and grateful and says, “My God, you saved my life!”
He suddenly realizes the woman is Cindy Crawford!
Days and weeks go by. Cindy and our guy are living on the island together. They’ve set up a hut, there’s fruit on the trees, and they’re in heaven. Cindy’s fallen madly in love with our man, and they’re making passionate love morning, noon and night.
Alas, one day she notices he’s looking kind of glum. “What’s the matter, sweetheart?” she asks, “We have a wonderful life together, I’m in love with you. Is there something wrong? Is there anything I can do?”
He says, “Actually, Cindy, there is. Would you mind, putting on my shirt?”
“Sure,” she says, “if it will help.” He takes off his shirt and she puts it on.
“Now would you put on my pants?” he asks.
“Sure, honey, if it’s really going to make you feel better,” she says.
“Okay, would you put on my hat now, and draw a little mustache on your face?” he asks.
“Whatever you want, sweetie,” she says, and does.
Then he says, “Now, would you start walking around the edge of the island?”
She starts walking around the perimeter of the island. He sets off in the other direction. They meet up half way around the island a few minutes later. He rushes up to her, grabs her by the shoulders, and says, “Dude! You’ll never believe who I’m sleeping with!”
Σενάριο : Ένας τύπος ναυαγεί σ` ένα νησί με την Cindy Crawford και παρά την ερημιά , παρά τη μοναξιά , για αρκετές βδομάδες το έπαιζε άνετος και δεν έκανε καμιά κίνηση . Τελικά , δεν άντεξε και τη... Un avion s’écrase sur une île déserte, et laisse deux survivants : un homme et Cindy Crawford. N’ayant pas d’autres possibilités, notre couple s’entend donc pour avoir des relations sexuelles. Six...
Jokes about Women God Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Single People Jokes
A 30 something year old man goes to a singles bar and starts up a conversation with a woman who was about his age. They’re really hitting it off and the chemistry is strong, so after a couple drinks they start to open up to each other.
“I’m gonna be honest with you,” says the man, “My wife recently divorced me so I’m on the rebound. I was just too кinкy for her, she couldn’t take it.”
Astounded, the woman says “Oh my gosh, кinкy sеx, what a coincidence! My divorce from my ex husband was finalized just last week for that exact same reason!”
At this point they decide to go back to the woman’s house. She leads him up to the bedroom and things start getting hot and heavy. “Wait here, I’m gonna go slip into something more comfortable”, she tells him.
So she slips into her bathroom and puts on all the воndаgе gear she can find and freshens up. After about 10 minutes she steps out of the bathroom and finds the man dressed and headed out the door.
“Wait, where are you going!?”, she yells after him, “I thought you were into кinкy stuff?”
The man replies “I already shagged your cat and took a dump in the potted plant, I’m good.”
Jokes about Women Men jokes Sex Jokes Dating Jokes
Little Lexi was going to get a drink of water during the night, and she overheard her father say "You little b*tch. You like that, huh?" And her mother replied with, "Oh yeah, I love your diск. Go deeper!!" The next day she asked her mother what diск meant. The mom told her a diск was a coat. She then asked her dad what b*tch meant. Her father said that a b*tch was a person. Later on, Lexi found her parents arguing. "YOU МОТНЕRFUСКЕR!!" Her mom shouted. "You're just a SLUТ!" Her dad replied. Again, little Lexi was curious, and asked her mother what a motherf*cker was. Her mother said it was a turkey. Later, she asked her dad what a sluт meant. He said it meant toilet. After that, her dad was on the toilet yelling "Honey, I'm having a big shiт on the toilet so let's not have sеx until later?" She asked what shiт was and he said eating. He also said having sеx meant socializing. After all that, her family came over for Thanksgiving. Little Lexi said "Happy Thanksgiving, b*tches! We're going to shiт soon, my dad is upstairs eating the sluт in the bathroom! My moms going to cut the motherf*cker shortly! Hang up your diскs and stay a while! I can't wait to have sеx with you!
Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Thanksgiving Jokes Dad Jokes
Pourquoi les blondes sont elles contentes d'avoir des orgasmes ? - Comme ça elles savent quand elles doivent arreter de baiser ? Perche’ le bionde raggiungono l’orgasmo? Per capire quando devono smettere di scopare! Hvorfor fant Gud opp orgasme? - Fordi at blondinene skulle vite når de skulle stoppe og knulle.. Varför får blondiner orgasm? Så att dom vet när dom ska sluta ha sex Hvorfor fÂr blondiner orgasme? Hvorfor fÂr blondiner orgasme? - Ellers ved de ikke hvornÂr de skal holde op med at dyrke sex!
Blonde Jokes Sex Jokes
An alcoholic, a sеx addict, and a pothead all die and go to Неll. Sатаn is waiting for them and tells all of them, "I am in a good mood today, so I am going to let each one of you pick one thing you love from Earth, and let you keep it here for 100 years, and then I will return for the goods." Sатаn first approaches the alcoholic, "What is it that you would like to have?" to which the alcoholic responds, "I want the finest brew, wine, and liquor you can get me." Sатаn brings him to a room filled with every type of вееr on tap, the finest aged cellars of wine, and of course the purest grain alcohol. There is each type of liquor you could possibly think of or never afford to even taste, a never ending supply of it all. The man yells, "Whooa Hoo!" in excitement, and runs into the room. Sатаn laughs, shuts the door, and locks it. Sатаn then approaches the sеx addict and asks, "What is it that you would like to have?" to which the sеx addict responds, "Women! I want lots of beautiful women, one for each day of the year!" Sатаn brings him to a room filled with only the most gorgeous women imaginable. Some with huge вrеаsтs, some with small вrеаsтs, some with big аssеs, and some with small аssеs, some tall with never ending legs, and some short, some have tight p*ssies and some have shaved p*ssies. All of the women are hot, nакеd, and very hоrny. The sеx addict immediately gets a raging hard on and runs into the room. Sатаn laughs, shuts the door and locks it. Sатаn finally approaches the pothead and asks, "What is it that you would like to have?" to which the pothead responds, "Well, that's easy! I want the best рот you got." Sатаn brings him to a room which is filled with the tallest, thickest, stinkiest, most dank plants growing on for acres. The sweet smell from the purest plants fills this enormous room. There were crystals growing on some buds which grew 15 feet high, just begging to be harvested. The quality of the bud would put the Cannabis Cup winners to shame, in all categories. It was beyond belief. The pothead was so awed and humbled by the sight of these beautiful plants, that he slowly walked into the room, he sat down Indian style, with his legs crossed, took slow deep breathes, closed his eyes and proceeded to meditate on this miraculous sight. Sатаn looked at him curiously, shut the door and locked it. 100 years pass. Sатаn returns to the first room, remembering the alcoholic, unlocks and opens the door. There is broken wine and liquor glass bottles shattered everywhere. The room smells like rotting animal flesh and рiss. The alcoholic comes running at the door, nакеd, covered in his own vомiт and shiт, screaming "Help!, I don't want anymore. Let me out of here!" Sатаn laughs, shuts the door, and locks it. Sатаn then returns to the second room, remembering the sеx addict, unlocks and opens the door. There are thousands of kids running around the room and babies crying madly making so much noise no one could hear their own scream. Hundreds of very, very old ladies now limp around with no clothes on, still very hоrny for the sеx addict who attempts to run out the door as Sатаn watches. Before the sеx addict can utter a word of desperation, Sатаn laughs, shuts the door, and locks it. Sатаn finally arrives at the third and final room, remembering the pothead, unlocks, and opens the door. After a quick look inside, Sатаn's evil grin turns to a look of confusion. Nothing had changed. The plants were untouched, just as dank as the day he left them. Even the pothead was in the same position, sitting down with his legs crossed. So Sатаn walks up behind the pothead, taps him on his shoulder and says,
"What's wrong?" A tear rolls down the pothead's cheek as he turns to Sатаn and simply replies,
"Got a light, man?"
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