Tax jokes - Page 3

The housing market crashed because Chuck thought he was paying too much property tax.

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Congress instituted a tax on воотy taken by buccaneers at 3.14% — It’s the pi-rate tax.

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Tax jokes

Why won't sharks attack tax IRS agents?
Professional courtesy.

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Tax jokes

Father O'Malley answers the phone.
'Hello, is this Father O'Malley?'
'It is!'
'This is the IRS. Can you help us?'
'I can!'
'Do you know a Ted Houlihan?'
'I do!'
'Is he a member of your congregation?'
'He is!'
'Did he donate $10,000 to the church?'
'He will.'

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Tax jokes

Tax season arrived, and a man was looking for a good accountant to do his complex tax return. He walked into a prospective accountant’s office, and the accountant went over the services he could provide to the prospective client.
Before the man left, he wanted to test the accountant’s number skills, so he said, “If you can tell me what 10,472 times 7 is without using a calculator, I will hire you today.” The accountant’s reply? “I can make the number whatever you want it to be.”

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Tax jokes

Tax day is the day that ordinary Americans send their money to Washington, D.C., and wealthy Americans send their money to the Cayman Islands.”

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Tax jokes American Jokes

Worried about an IRS audit?
Avoid what’s called a red flag.
That’s something the IRS always looks for.
For example, say you have some money left in your bank account after paying taxes. That’s a red flag.

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Tax jokes Banker Jokes

A professor of taxation delivers a highly detailed, brilliant lecture drawing the distinction between tax avoidance and tax evasion. He then asks his brightest student,
"Tell us succinctly what the difference is between tax avoidance and tax evasion.".
The student replies:
"Jail."

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Tax jokes School Jokes

Client: What's the difference between the short form and the long form?
Accountant: If you use the short form, the IRS gets all your money. If you use the long form, I get all your money!

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Tax jokes

A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the IRS auditor who had come to review his records. At one point the auditor said,
"We feel it is a great privilege to be allowed to live and work in the USA. As a citizen you have an obligation to pay taxes, and we expect you to eagerly pay them with a smile."
"Thank God," returned the taxpayer. "I thought you were going to want cash.”

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Tax jokes

The only sure things are Death and Taxes…and when Chuck Norris goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.

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Office and Work Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Sick and Death Jokes Tax jokes

I hate paying my income tax.
You should be a good citizen - why don't you pay with a smile?
I'd like to but they insist on money!

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Money jokes Tax jokes

Q: What do cannibal tax advisors do after their office Christmas Dinner?
A: Toast their clients.

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Office and Work Jokes Christmas Jokes Food Jokes Customer service jokes Tax jokes

The tax advisor had just read the story of Cinderella to his four-year-old daughter for the first time.
The little girl was fascinated by the story, especially the part where the pumpkin turns into a golden coach.
Suddenly she piped up, "Daddy, when the pumpkin turned into a golden coach, would that be classed as income or a long-term capital gain?"

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Kids Jokes Tax jokes

A man was driving along the road when all of a sudden he has to swerve to avoid a box falling off the lorry in front.
Seconds later a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving.
As the policeman starting writing the ticket he noticed the box was full of nails and tacks.
"I had to serve or I'd have run over those and blown my tyres!" protested the driver.
"Ok", replied the officer, ripping up the ticket, "but I'm still bringing you in."
"What for?" retorted the man.
"Tacks evasion", answered the policeman.

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Police Officer Jokes Office and Work Jokes Car and driving jokes Men jokes Tax jokes

Q: What's grey has 6 legs, 2 arms and is twenty feet tall?
A: A tax accountant riding an elephant.

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Animal Jokes Office and Work Jokes Tax jokes

A man goes to the doctor. "Doctor, that medicine you gave me isn't working. Is there anything else I could try?".
"Fill out this tax form," suggests the doctor.
"How's that going to help me?", asks the man.
"I'm not sure," replies the doctor, "but some of my patients say it gives them relief."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Tax jokes

Two junior doctors were involved in a fight in the hospital.
A senior consultant had to pull them apart.
"What's all this about?" asked the consultant angrily.
"It's the Tax Inspector in C ward," said one.
"He's only got 2 days to live."
"He had to be told." said the second doctor.
"I know," said the first, "but I wanted to be the one to tell him!"

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Tax jokes

Q: What is Father Christmas's tax status?
A: Elf-employed.

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Christmas Jokes Tax jokes

Q: Why does Santa have an accountant in the USA?
A: So he can avoid Gift Taxes.

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Accountant Jokes Money jokes USA Jokes Christmas Jokes Tax jokes

Q: When do Democrats like the idea of a flat tax?
A: After it reaches 95%

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Democrat jokes Money jokes Tax jokes

A young Alabama man goes to a drug store and says to the pharmact: "I got a hot date tonight, an’ I need me some petection. How much is a pack a’ them rubbers gonna cost me?"
The pharmacist responds: "A three-pack of condoms is $4.99 with tax."
"TACKS!" the shocked redneck says. "Gawd a’ mighty, don’t they stay on by themselves!"

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Marriage and Family Jokes Money jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Drug Jokes Dating Jokes Tax jokes

A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened.
Then he decided to write a letter to the Lord requesting the $100.
When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to the Lord, USA, they decided to send it to President Clinton.
The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill, as this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.
The little boy was delighted with the $5.00, and sat down to write a thank-you note to the Lord.
It said: Dear Lord, Thank you very much for sending me the money.
However, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington, DC and as usual, those jerks deducted $95.

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Money jokes God Jokes USA Jokes Political Jokes Tax jokes Secretary Jokes Superhero Jokes American Presidents Humor

Q: How do tax accountants make a bold fashion statement?
A: Wear their dark grey socks instead of the light grey.

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Accountant Jokes Beauty Jokes Tax jokes