Tax jokes

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Q: Why do Republican tax cuts always expire in ten years or less?
A: They want to make them thirty but keep running out of fingers.

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How do we know Peter was a rich fisherman?
By his net income.

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Q: And the difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion?
A: Jail.

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Q: What is the definition of an extroverted tax accountant?
A: Someone who stares at YOUR shoes when talking to you.

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Q: Who makes the best detective - Sherlock Holmes or a tax accountant?
A: The tax accountant - she make's more deductions.

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Did you hear about the cannibal Tax Accountant?
She charges an arm and a leg.

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Q: Why is Santa always so jolly when he comes to the UK?
A: He can claim Gift Relief.

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Where do homeless accountants live?
In a tax shelter.

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Q: Why did the cannibal tax auditor get disciplined?
A: For buttering up her clients.

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Even though telemarketers are slightly less beloved than dentists and tax auditors, that's the job my friend took during his summer vacation.
Halfway through one of his sales pitches, he heard a clicking at the other end of the line.
Thinking the man may have hung up, he asked, "Are you still there?"
"Yeah, still here," said the man.
"Sorry, I heard a click and I thought you'd been disconnected."
"No," the man said, "that would sound more like this."
He then proceeded to show me what it would sound like by slamming down the phone.

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How do you know you have a great CPA?
He has a tax loophole named after him.

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Q: What do you get when you cross a pilgrim with a democrat?
A: A god-fearing tax collector who gives thanks for what other people have.

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A Senator in the USA was once asked about his attitude toward whisky.
"If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it.
But if you mean the elixir of a New Year toast, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it.
This is my position, and I will not compromise."

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How many God-fearing, tax-paying, law-abiding men in Las Vegas does it take to light a bonfire?
Both of them.

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Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child,"No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."

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Q: What's the difference between death and taxes?
A: Congress doesn't meet every year to make death worse.

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A fine is a tax for doing wrong.
A tax is a fine for doing well.

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A blonde walks into a drugstore and purchases a pack of condoms. "That will be $1.08, please," says the clerk.
"What are the eight cents for?" asks the blonde. "It says one dollar right here on the packaging."
"Tax," replies the clerk.
"Gee," says the blonde, "I thought you just rolled them on and they stayed put."

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Ever wonder why the IRS calls it, "Form 1040?"
Because for every $50 you earn, you get 10 and they get 40.

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Tax jokes

A woman goes to an accountant to file her taxes.
The accountant says, "Before we begin, I need to ask a few questions. What is your occupation?"
The woman replies, "I'm a whоrе."
The accountant says, "No, no, no. That is much too crass. Let's try to rephrase that."
The woman replies, "OK, I'm a рrоsтiтuте."
"No, that is still too crude. Try again."
They both think for a minute, then the woman states, "I'm a chicken farmer."
The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with being a рrоsтiтuте?"
"Well, I raised over 5,000 c**ks last year."

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