Car and driving jokes

Two ladies, a Yankee and a Southern Belle, are sitting next to each other on a plane. The Southern Belle turns to the Yankee and asks, "So, where y'all from?"
The Yankee replies, "I am from a place where we do not end our sentences with a preposition."
Without missing a beat, the Southern Belle bats her lashes and asks, "So, where y'all from, вiтсh?"

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She is so blonde, when she went to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left," she turned around and went back home.

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Car and driving jokes Blonde Jokes Aviation Jokes

Harry and Martha drank their coffee as they listened to the morning weather report.
"There will be three to five inches of snow today. You must park your cars on the odd-numbered side of the street."
Harry got up from his coffee to move the car.
Two days later, they sat down with their cup of coffee and listened the weather forecast.
"There will be two to four inches of snow today. You must park your cars on the even-numbered side of the street."
Harry got up from his coffee to move the car.
Three days later, they tuned in to the weather report.
"There will be six to eight inches of snow today. You must park your cars on the... ." The power went off.
He said to Martha, "What am I going to do now?"
Martha said, "Just leave the car in the garage."

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Car and driving jokes Coffee Jokes

Flight Attendant Воотy Call... Smoking:
We don't allow smoking in the lavatories, but we can make an exception for my pole.

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Car and driving jokes Aviation Jokes

Flight Attendant Воотy Call... First Sight:
Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I push my beverage cart by you again?

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Car and driving jokes Aviation Jokes

Two girls speed down the highway at 90 mph."Hey," asks the brunette at the wheel. "Do you see any cops following us?"
The blonde turns around. "As a matter of fact, I do."
"Dамn!" says the brunette. "Are his flashers on?"
The blonde turns around again. "Yup. Nope. Yup. Nope. Yup."

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Car and driving jokes Blonde Jokes Police Officer Jokes Relationship Jokes

Airport Security Guard Воотy Call... Baggage:
Wow, you have a lot of baggage. Do you need to unload on me?

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Car and driving jokes Aviation Jokes

Airport Security Guard Воотy Call... Cream:
Sorry, no creams or liquids allowed- but if you leave your cream here, I'll make you cream later.

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Car and driving jokes Aviation Jokes

Mr. Johnson's wife of 50 years suggested they take a cruise: "We could go somewhere for a week, and make wild love like we did when we were young." He thought it over and agreed.
He went to the pharmacy and bought a bottle of seasick pills and a tube of lubricant. Upon returning home, his wife said "I've been thinking, there's no reason we can't go for a month."
Mr. Johnson went back to the pharmacy and asked for 12 bottles of seasick pills and a tube of lubricant.
When he returned his wife said, "Since the children are on their own, what's stopping us from cruising the world?"
He went back and bought 200 bottles of seasick pills and more tubes of lubricant.
The pharmacist finally had to ask: "You know, Mr. Johnson, I don't mean to pry, but if it makes you that sick, why the hеll do you do it?"

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Car and driving jokes Marriage and Family Jokes

It was a white lady in a convertible with the convertible down - I walked past; she locked the door.
I smacked her in the back of the head.

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Car and driving jokes

A blonde's car breaks down. A cop pulls up and inquires about the group of nакеd men standing next to her car.
The blonde says, "They're my emergency flashers."

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Car and driving jokes Blonde Jokes Men jokes

Remarks Never Heard at Daytona 500:
- None for me, thanks. That Skoal will do a number on your teeth.
- Tampax! Get your Tampax here!
- Hey, shut up! I can't hear the race!
- Sеx with your sister? Man, that's sick.
- My God, this is a splendid Merlot.
- Hey, you with the large вrеаsтs, out of the way. We're trying to watch a race here.
- Jeeves, be a good man and retrieve the Wall Street Journal from my attach case. Then fetch me some clotted cream for my scone.
- What a coincidence, Hank, all my friends are boycotting Ноотеrs, too.
- These are even better seats than we had for the Lionel Richie concert.
- Good morning, Mr. Trickle. We at 'Depends' understand you're looking for a new corporate sponsor.
- Filling in for Dale 'The Intimidator' Earnhardt today is substitute driver, Michael 'Lord of the Dance' Flatley.
- And now, singing our national anthem, international recording artist Boy George.

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Car and driving jokes Nationality Jokes God Jokes Blue Collar Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Friendship Jokes Boycott Jokes

A guy gets pulled over for speeding on a rainy day.
The cop says, "Isn't it kind of sтuрid to be driving so fast in this weather?"
The driver says, "Who's sтuрid? I'm dry in my car. You're the one who's standing out in the rain."

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Car and driving jokes

A Scottish man, an Englishman and an Irishman sit in a pub and discuss the best pubs around.
The Englishman says, "There's a pub in the West Midlands where the landlord buys you a drink for every one that you buy."
The Scot is not impressed and says, "That's nothing! In the Highlands, every time you buy a drink, the landlord buys you five."
The Irishman, totally unimpressed, says, "That's nothing. In Dublin there's this pub where the landlord buys your drinks all night, and then when the bar closes, he takes you into a room and makes love to you."
The Scot and Englishman are well impressed and ask if the Irishman goes there a lot. He replies "No, but my sister told me all about it."

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Car and driving jokes

Four blondes drive to a bar in their old pickup truck. Three sit in the cab, and one sits in the bed of the truck.The three blondes go into the bar and order a round of shots. Almost an hour later, the fourth blonde finally joins them. "Where have you been?" they ask.
She responds, "Well, you all forgot to open the tailgate!"

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Car and driving jokes Blonde Jokes

Loser Воотy Call... Bus Pass:
Want to get out of this place? I've got an hour left before my bus pass expires.

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Car and driving jokes

Q: How many people can you fit in one Honda?
A: Well, the Bible said that all 12 disciples were in one Accord.

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Car and driving jokes Bible Jokes Catholic Jokes

A farmer is in the middle of plowing his field when his tractor runs out of gas. He needs to get back to the farm, but it's too far for him and his dog, Old Joe, to walk.
He wanders out to the road and flags down a sports car. The driver says, "I'll give you a ride, but that dog can't get in my car."
The farmer says, "Don't worry. Old Joe will keep up."
The driver decides to show off and open up the engine for max speed. Just as he's going into fifth gear, he looks out the window and sees Old Joe right beside him. In amazement, he slams on the brakes and Old Joe comes to a halt.
The driver jumps out, exclaiming, "He's the most incredible dog I've ever seen! Is there something special about that collar he's wearing?"
The farmer shakes his head and says, "That's not a collar. That's his a**hole. He's not used to stopping that fast."

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Car and driving jokes Dog jokes

I got to Flagstaff, Arizona, and I asked the guy at the hotel, 'Excuse me, where can I find the black community?
' 'Oh, well he's on vacation this week. We'll tell him you stopped by.'

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Car and driving jokes Hotel Jokes

Two tourists were driving through Louisiana. As they approached Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town.
They went back and forth until they stopped for lunch. At the counter, one tourist asked the employee, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are very slowly?"
The guy leaned over the counter and said, "Burrr-gerrr Kiiing."

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Car and driving jokes Blonde Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes