Work Jokes, Office Jokes

A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. I welcome you into the family,” said the man. “To show you how much we care for you, I am making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory everyday and learn the operation.”
The son-in-law interrupted. “I hate factories. I can’t stand the noise.” “I see.” replied the father-in-law, “Well, then you’ll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations.” “I hate office work,” said the son-in-law. “I can’t stand being stuck behind a desk.” “Wait a minute,” said the father-in-law. “I just made you half owner of a money-making industry, but you don’t like factories, and won’t work in an office. What am I going to do with you?” “Easy,” said the son-in-law. “Buy me out.”

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The town’s local council remarks that the best lawyer in town never made a donation to charity tendency.
To convince him, the mayor calls him in his office:
Sir, I remarked that you’re revenue reached a number of $600.000.
With all these, you never made a donation to the charity...
If you looked into my files, did you also remark that my mother is sick, and the medicaments she needs exceed her funds?
No... answers mayor.
In second place, my brother, war veteran, is condemned in a wheelchair and he’s blind.
The mayor started apologizing, but was interrupted:
And more, my sister died into a car accident and left tree children orphans.
Stunned, the mayor says:
I didn’t know, please accept my apologies...
But the lawyer continues:
I don’t see why I should give you any money, if I don’t ever give them money...

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Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Kids Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Military Jokes Lawyer Jokes

A housewife buys a parrot to keep her company during the day.
The clerk warns that the parrot was donated by a brothel, where he may have picked up some colorful language.
The housewife doesn't mind and brings the parrot home.
When she uncovers the cage, the parrot says,
"Brawkk! New Madam. Hello Madam."
When her three daughters come home from school, the parrot says,
"Brawkk! New Girls. Hello Girls."
Finally, her husband, Phil, comes home from work, just in time for dinner.
When he walks past the parrot, the parrot says,
"Brawkk! Hi Phil!"

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Office and Work Jokes School Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Parrot jokes

A small ATM room which is equipped with 2 ACs and 4 tube lights, working 24 hours a day, is asking me not to print receipt to save environment.

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Office and Work Jokes Sarcasm Jokes

You have to be flexible to work here. On many occasions, you'll be asked to bend over and grab your ankles.

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Office and Work Jokes Attitude Jokes

Rаре victims think they have it so bad, all they have to do is go home and have a shower plus they get the next day off work.
As a rарisт, I have to go home, have a shower, burn my clothes, create an alibi, frame my latest lock of victim’s hair, plus I have to get up for work in the morning.

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Office and Work Jokes Criminal Jokes

I came home from work early one night to find my wife and my best mate, sweaty and breathless in the living room. I said, “What’s going on?”
My wife said, “Erm… We’ve been playing on the Wii Fit.” She winked at my mate and said, “Dave did VERY well.”
As I walked out of the room, I heard them giggling and calling me a “diскhеаd”, but I had the last laugh. I checked the next day, and none of his scores had even registered!

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Office and Work Jokes Cheating Jokes

What do you call a herd of cows in a psychiatrists office?
An encownter group.

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Office and Work Jokes Animal Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Psychology and Psychiatry Jokes

My old Granddad was mugged in the park last week, punched in the face and his wallet stolen. The police arrived and took a description of the attacker alongside other details.
“How much cash was in your wallet, sir?” asked the police officer.
“£800,” said Granddad.
“OK, sir,” said the police officer as he was leaving, “we’ll let you know if we find out anything.”
Granddad, I said, where did you get 800 pounds ? You don’t have that kind of money.
I know, said Granddad, but if they catch the сunт it’s my word against his.

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Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Police Officer Jokes Criminal Jokes

A colleague at work asked me earlier why when I started going out with a woman, it only ever lasted 3 or 4 dates at the most.
“I just get scared” I said.
“What, of commitment?” he asked.
“No” I replied, “My wife finding out.”

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Cheating Jokes

Bubba was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Bubba how about Tom Cruise?"
"Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it. "
So Bubba and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise shouts, "Bubba! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"
Although impressed, Bubba's boss is still skeptical.
After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Bubba that he thinks Bubba's knowing Cruise was just lucky.
"No, no, just name anyone else," Bubba says.
"President Clinton," his boss quickly retorts.
"Yes," Bubba says,
"I know him, let's fly out to Washington."
And off they go.
At the White House, Clinton spots Bubba on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Bubba, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up."
Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced.
After they leave the White house grounds, he expresses his doubts to Bubba, who again implores him to name anyone else.
"The Pope," his boss replies.
"Sure!" says Bubba.
"My folks are from Poland, and I've known the Pope a long time."
So off they fly to Rome.
Bubba and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Bubba says,
"This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope." And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican.
Sure enough, half an hour later Bubba emerges with the Pope on the balcony.
But by the time Bubba returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Working his way to his boss' side, Bubba asks him, "What happened?"
His boss looks up and says,
"I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said,
"Who's that on the balcony with Bubba?"

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Office and Work Jokes Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Men jokes Friendship Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Boss Jokes Coffee Jokes American Presidents Humor

I was listening to the same song at work today.
My colleague, who was right next to me said, “Quickly change the fuскing track!”
I asked, “Why?”
He said, “Because if you don’t, those two trains will collide.”

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Office and Work Jokes Masturbation jokes

The HMO account manager noticed that nearly every bill from a certain pediatrician’s office included the line item “Behavior modification reinforcers.” Alarm that the pediatrician was engaging in some unapproved, experimental psychological treatment, she called the physician’s office to inquire, “What on earth are behavior modification reinforcers?”
“Lollipops,” was the reply.

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Office and Work Jokes Business jokes Boss Jokes

The computer in my high school classroom recently started acting up. After watching me struggle with it, one of my students came up and took over. "Your hard drive crashed," he said.
I called the computer services office and explained, "My computer is down. The hard drive crashed."
"We can't just send people down on your say so. How do you know that's the problem"?
"A student told me," I answered.
"We'll send someone over right away."

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Office and Work Jokes School Jokes Computer Jokes

How do rabbits get to work?
By rabbit transit.

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Office and Work Jokes Animal Jokes

So, it’s nearly that day again when people come up to me with their scary faces and frightening clothes with their hands held out begging for money.
I fuскing hate my job at the benefits office in Liverpool.

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Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Sarcasm Jokes

Anant said I am infected with a Highly Dangerous Virus Called "Weekly Overload Recreational Killer" (WORK).
So he immediately go to the nearest "Biological Anxiety Relief" (BAR).... Center to take antidotes known as.
- "Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract" (WINE)
- Radioactive UnWORK Medicine (RUМ)
- Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (ВЕЕR)

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Office and Work Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Wine jokes Beer Jokes

Regarding Face book Co-founder Edward Saverin's renouncing his US citizenship to avoid paying taxes. One thing for which you have to give Obama credit for when he took office, one of the biggest problems was illegal immigrants streaming over our border. 3 1/2 years later he's sure cured that problem. Now many are trying to get out. (To avoid paying taxes)

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Office and Work Jokes Business jokes American Presidents Humor

One night, a lady with a black eye stumbled into the police station.
She told the desk sergeant that she had heard a noise in her back yard and gone to investigate.
The next thing she knew, she was hit in the face and knocked out cold.
An officer was sent to her house to investigate, and he returned a few minutes later, also with a black eye.
‘Did you get hit by the same attacker?’ his captain asked.
‘No, sir,’ he replied. ‘I stepped on the same rake.’

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Office and Work Jokes Police Officer Jokes Military Jokes

New customer to Tech Support:
“It says, hit any key and when I do that nothing happens'.
Tech Support: Can you try again and tell me what happens?
Customer:
'Tried but nothing”
Tech Support:
“What key did you hit?
After a moment and some chick ling sound the customer replied: Well, first I tried my car key and just now my office key.

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Office and Work Jokes Computer Jokes