Social Networks

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You know, I have Google+, Facebook, Twitter, Skype accounts...
Man, and do you have life?
OMG, No! Could you send me a link?

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I unfollowed Taylor Swift on Twitter...
I'm sure she's gonna write a song about it.

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Facebook: "My kids are perfect."
Instagram: "My kids are beautiful."
Twitter: "My kids are why I drink."

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Anyone remember the good old days before Facebook, Instagram and Twitter?
When you had to take a photo of your dinner, then get the film developed, then go around to all your friends' houses to show them the picture of your dinner?
No?
Me neither.

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Before Instagram, I used to waste so much time sitting around having to imagine what my friends' food looked like.

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Q: How much does a hipster weigh?
A: An instagram.

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Chuck Norris doesn't need twitter, he's already following you.

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One day YouTube, Twitter and Facebook will merge and be known as YouTwitFace :)

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Twitter, Facebook adict

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A drug dealer never consumes

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Elon musk firing twitter Executives

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Q: Why shouldn't Facebook have paid $1 billion dollars for Instagram?
A: They could've downloaded it for free!

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If you're 13 and under and have a Twitter that's cheating.
You have to start from Myspace, to Facebook, then Twitter. Just like everyone else.

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Why is Facebook like to be in prison?
You have a profile picture, you sit around all day writing on walls, and you get poked by people you don’t really know!
“When Mark Zuckerberg got married - Facebook raised $15 billion on the stock market. Zuckerberg listed the 10 things he loves about her, while she listed the 15 billion things she loves about him.” -Jimmy Fallon
“Investors are be able to buy shares of Facebook stock. It’s great - now you can lose all your money in the same place you lost all your time.” - Jimmy Fallon
“Facebook has estimated net worth - $100 billion. That’s almost as much money as businesses lose every year from their employees wasting time in Facebook.” - Jay Leno
“The two main websites in the world are Wikipedia, where you can learn about things you care about, and Facebook, where you can learn about people you don’t care at all.” - Craig Ferguson
“Facebook now has 0,5 billion users. The previous record holder was… hеrоin.” - Jimmy Kimmel
“Facebook has passed 500 million members. If Facebook was a country, it would be the third-largest country and the least productive.” - Jimmy Kimmel
“Computer hackers managed to shut down Twitter and Facebook for several hours yesterday. American productivity has jumped by 150%.” - Conan O’Brien

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my girlfriend said that if i get 10 kickass she would fuск me, tape it, uplode it on you tube, facebook, twitter and we will try 69 new positions. rate it. she does not want to fuск me.

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iPhone users update:
- I’ll screenshot it, I’ll tweet about it, I’ll Instagram it, I’ll write a blog about it, I’ll delete half of my contents for it, I’ll get enraged about it.
Android users update:
- *clicks update, gets on with life*

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Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are divorcing and of course that means that Twitter and the Internet have exploded with jokes about their divorce and just how tragic Tom Cruise really is.
“Katie Holmes is Divorcing Tom Cruise. Apprently he’d been in A Few Good Men.”
“Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes finally decided that pretending to be in love was ‘Mission: Impossible’.”
“I was arguing with Tom Cruise about scientology. He said, ‘Try to see it from my point of view’. So I knelt down.”
“BREAKING: Katie Holmes cites Tom’s building of a space ship made from aluminium foil in living room as reason for divorce.”
“Tom Cruise wants to raise his kid as a Scientologist, and Katie Holmes wants to raise her as a Catholic. Either way this kid is sсrеwеd.”
“Oh, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are getting divorced? I bet Oprah’s couch is thrilled.”

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