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Animal Jokes

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Why is there no gambling in Africa?
- Too many Cheetahs!
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Why is gambling illegal in Africa? Because there are too many cheetahs! Why don't animals play poker in Africa? Because they're cheetahs.
Animal Jokes Africa Jokes
In a park people come across a man playing chess against a dog.
They were astonished and said:
"What a clever dog!"
But the man protested and replied:
"No, no, he isn't that clever.
I'm leading by three games to one!"
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Schach spielen A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. Бойко Борисов играел шах с кучето си. Минал Цветанов и казал: - Ех, много ти е умно кучето. ББ-то се намръщи и казал: - Аааа, умно то, 1:1 сме! Un signore sta percorrendo una strada residenziale, quando vede in un giardino un bambino che gioca a scacchi con un cane. Poiché e' un fatto alquanto insolito, il signore si ferma a guardare i due che giocano. Dopo 5 minuti, il cane fa scacco-matto. Cosi' il signore dice: "Hai davvero un cane... Jaś gra z psem w szachy. - Masz bardzo mądrego psa - komentuje z uznaniem kolega. - Wcale nie jest taki mądry! Ani razu jeszcze nie wygrał. - Pero, este perro es inteligentísimo, ¡Juega al ajedrez! ¡Vale una fortuna! - No te creas... Le he ganado tres partidas de cinco. Egymással szemben ül a sakktáblánál egy ember meg egy kutya. Odamegy hozzájuk egy másik ember: - Uram, ez fantasztikus. Ez a kutya tud sakkozni? - Dehogy tud. Én vezetek 3-1-re. In parc un politist si cainele sau jucau sah. Un trecator mirat de ceea ce vede se adreseaza politistului -D-le, ce caiine destept aveti! Stie sa joace sah! La care politistul raspunde:... Pe terasa unei cafenele, se petrece de cîtăva vreme o scenă ciudată: un om şi un cîine stau faţă în faţă, avînd între ei o tablă de şah. Mirat, un tip întreabă: - Cum, cîinele dv. ştie cu adevărat... En mann besøkte sin venn og så forskrekket at vennen spilte sjakk med hunden sin. Han så på en stund, før han utbrøt: - ”Det er den smarteste hunden jeg har sett!” - ”Næh, han er ikke så smart”,... C’est un gars qui rend visite à son pote. Il le trouve en train de jouer aux échecs avec son chien ! Après avoir retrouvé tous ses esprits ; le gars dit : - « J’en crois pas mes yeux ! C’est le... Ein Mann spielt Schach mir seinem Hund. Ein zweiter Mann tritt hinzu: "Sie haben aber einen klugen Hund." - "Wieso, er verliert doch immer."
Dogs Sleeping Anywhere Men jokes Sports Jokes Animal Jokes
A man walks into his bedroom after work and is surprised to find his wife lying nакеd on the bed.
After careful examination, he spies a pair of bare feet sticking out from underneath the curtains.
He rips open the blinds to find a nакеd man standing there.
"Who the hеll are you?" he yells.
The nакеd guy replies, "I'm the moth inspector."
"Oh, yeah? What are you doing nакеd?"
He looks down and exclaims, "Oh my God, I'm too late!"
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Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes God Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes
A man goes to a party and has too much to drink.
His friends plead with him to let them take him home.
He says no -- he only lives a mile away.
About five blocks from party, the police pull him over for weaving and ask him to get out of the car and walk the line.
Just as he starts, the police radio blares out a notice of a robbery taking place in their area.
The police tell the drunк party animal to stay put, they will be right back and they hop a fence and run down the street to the robbery.
The guy waits and waits and finally decides to drive home.
When he gets there, he tells his wife he is going to bed, and to tell anyone who might come looking for him that he has the flu and has been in bed all day.
A few hours later the police knock on the door.
They ask if Mr. SMITH is there and his wife says yes.
They ask to see him and she replies that he is in bed with the flu and has been so all day.
The police have his driver's license.
They ask to see his car and she asks why.
They insist on seeing his car, so she takes them to the garage and opens the door where they find their police car, with the lights still flashing.
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Animal Jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Police Officer Jokes Friendship Jokes Car and driving jokes Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes
Did you hear about the skunk who sat on a fаn?
He got cut off without a scent.
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Animal Jokes Sick and Death Jokes
Why do hippos have to have sеx in water?
Ever try to keep two tons of рussy wet?
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Animal Jokes
Did you hear the joke about the skunk?
Never mind, it stinks.
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Animal Jokes
My соw just wandered into a field of marijuana.
The steaks have never been so high…
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Animal Jokes
When two men have sеx what position are they going to be in?
But what about when two dogs have sеx?
That means that the two men are having sеx doggy style then what ways are the dogs having sеx?
That means that the dogs are having an affair with the men to have sеx doggy style.
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Sex Jokes Animal Jokes Dirty jokes Gay and Lesbian Jokes Cheating Jokes Dog jokes
Scooby Doo prefers Norris snacks'.
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Animal Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes
Curiosity didn't кill the cat.
Chuck Norris did.
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Animal Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Sick and Death Jokes
What did the соw wear to the football game?
A Jersey.
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Animal Jokes Soccer Jokes
So this rетаrdеd blind couple just lives in Guantanamo Bay.
The prison warden told us soon these little fishies would grow gills.
So we have been feeding our fishies since 911 they all been fed really well.
In our daily water events until I told my wife, "there is a problem these fish haven't grown any gills."
So we told the Warden and he laughed he said:
"You know what you've been doing since 911 the blind couple relied on what!"
The warden replied, "well you've been waterboarding convicted isis terrorists!"
The blind couple said,
"What happens to the fishes?"
The warden replied, "well they are dead of course!"
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Medical and Doctor Jokes Animal Jokes Terrorist jokes Prison Jokes Sick and Death Jokes
What do cows call Frank Sinatra?
Old Moo Eyes.
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Animal Jokes Music and Musician Jokes
Some say Chuck once sneezed a rhino inside out.
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Animal Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes
Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Chuck Norris' first visit to Tokyo.
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Animal Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Japanese Jokes
You said it was a great horse and it is.
It took twenty other horses to beat him!
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Animal Jokes
A man came home from the bar with an unknown woman. He woke up in the morning and yelled,
"A crocodile, a crocodile!"
The woman woke up and asked,
"Where, where?"
A man cried again,
"O-o-oh, the crocodile is talking!"
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Jokes about Women Animal Jokes Men jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes
What country do cows love to visit?
Moo Zealand.
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Animal Jokes Love Jokes
What would you get if you crossed a grizzly with the world's greatest basketball player?
Bear Jordan.
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Sports Jokes Animal Jokes
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