Animal Jokes - Page 62

What did Mariah Carey really wanted to sing:
"All I want for Christmas is you... to get hit by a reindeer."

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Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
A.So they wouldn't huмр women's legs at cocktail parties.
B.So they wouldn't stop to play with every other man they see when you take them around the block.

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Jokes about Women Dogs Sleeping Anywhere Men jokes Animal Jokes

In a park people come across a man playing chess against a dog.
They were astonished and said:
"What a clever dog!"
But the man protested and replied:
"No, no, he isn't that clever.
I'm leading by three games to one!"

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Dogs Sleeping Anywhere Men jokes Sports Jokes Animal Jokes

A little girl asks her Mom, "May I take the dog for a walk around the block?"
Mom says, "No honey, the dog is in heat."
"What's that mean?" asked the child.
"Go ask your Father.
I think he's in the garage".
The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, can I take Susie for a walk around the block?
I asked Mom but she said the dog was in heat and said I should ask you".
Her Dad said, "Bring Susie over here".
He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's rear end with it and said, "Ok, you can go now but keep Susie on the leash and only go one time around the block".
The little girl leaves and returns a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.
Her Dad asks, "Where's Susie?"
The girl replies, "Susie ran out of gas about halfway down the block -and there's another dog pushing her home!

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Animal Jokes Dad Jokes Dog jokes

KFC in Asia?
Korean fried cat.

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Food Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Animal Jokes

A deer hunter just messed up another hunt.
This happened to him more times than he could count.
He would spot a buck, aim, fire and miss.
He would sneak up close just to get busted and watch the deer run away.
He would sneeze just as the buck came into range.
He would fall asleep on the stand, waking in time to watch a giant buck scamper away.
Frustrated, he complained to his hunting buddies.
"Everything that happens to guys that don't know how to hunt keeps happening to me!" he said.

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Office and Work Jokes Animal Jokes Hunting Jokes

Two deer walk out of a gаy bar. One of them turns to the other and says, “I can’t believe I blew forty bucks in there.”

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Animal Jokes Sex Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

My grandfather has the heart of a lion…
And a lifetime ban from the zoo.

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Animal Jokes One-Liner Jokes Zoo Jokes Grandparent Jokes

Chuck Norris is so powerful that when he goes fishing, the fish are so scared they drown.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Sick and Death Jokes Animal Jokes

Herds of elephants from all over Africa were summoned to a meeting in the jungle, as their national leader took his place on the stage, one of the African elephants trumpeted impatiently: “Come on, tell us what this is all about. We’re all ears.”

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Nationality Jokes Animal Jokes Africa Jokes American Presidents Humor

Student: 503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?
Teacher: 502.
Student: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?
Teacher:No you can’t fit an elephant in a fridge!!
Student: Just open door, put elephant in, close door.
Student: How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: open door,put giraffe in, close door
Student: no! Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.
Student: The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one?
Teacher: let me guess the lion?
Student: No!The giraffe because He’s in a fridge.
Teacher: WOW!
Student: Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?
Teacher: Sally stepped on the alligators mouth?
Student:The gators are at the party.
Student: But Sally dies anyway. Why?
Teacher:She drowned?!
Student: no! She got hit in the head by a flying brick.

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Sports Jokes School Jokes Animal Jokes Aviation Jokes Fitness jokes Student jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Q: What did the Arctic wolf ask in the restaurant?
A:
"Are these lemmings fresh off the tundra?"

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Food Jokes Dogs Sleeping Anywhere Animal Jokes Restaurant Jokes

Why are frogs always so happy? They eat what ever bugs them

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Animal Jokes

These two hunters went moose hunting every year without success.
Finally they came up with a foolproof plan.
(emphasis on fool)
They got themselves a very authentic соw moose costume and learned the
mating call of a соw moose.
The plan was to hide in the costume, lure in the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull.
So, they set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, in their costume, and began to give the moose love call.
Before too long their call was answered by bull in the forest.
They called again, the bull answered closer to them.
They called again, The bull answered, and came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing.
As the bulls' pounding hoof beats got closer the guy in front said, "OK, lets get out and get him"!
After a moment, that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back shouts -
"THE ZIPPER IS STUCK, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO!?!"
The front guy says, "Well, I'm gonna start nibbling grass,
but you better start to "brace yourself!"

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Sports Jokes Jokes about Women Animal Jokes

What do you call a реnguin in the desert?
Lost!

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Animal Jokes

I was hiking once with my girlfriend.
Suddenly a huge brown bear was charging at us, really mad.
We must have come close to her cubs.
Luckily I had my 9mm pistol with me.
One shot to my girlfriend's kneecap was all it took.
I could walk away at a comfortable pace.

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Gross Jokes Jokes about Women Animal Jokes Dirty jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

We must admit that we want to be like some animals.
We all want to be strong like a bear, we want to have a sharp sight like a falcon, the intelligence like an owl, the endurance like a horse, we want to sing like a skylark, we want to be running like a fox and of course we all want to have the salivas like a dragon lizard.

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Animal Jokes Dirty jokes

Q:What did the polar bear say when they saw tourists in sleeping bags?
A:Mmmm, sandwiches!

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Animal Jokes

Yo mama so ugly, even goldfish don't smile back.

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Yo Momma Jokes Animal Jokes Ugly Jokes

Q: What do you call a car only British animals can drive?
A: OxFord.

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Animal Jokes Car and driving jokes