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Beer Jokes

Newest jokes in this category
A man and his friend walk into a bar on a 30 storey building and order a drink of вееr, then one of the men jumps out the window and he can fly so he says to his mate “Gary, take a sip of this drink it makes you fly!” so Gary takes a sip of the drink, jumps out the window and dies, and the bartender says “gee, superman your a dооsh when you drink”
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Superman jokes Beer Jokes Superhero Jokes
A man walks into a store and orders some rigatoni, some mozzarella, parmesan cheese and a bottle of red wine.

The clerk says "You must be Italian."

The customer, put off says, " If I ordered some potatoes, cabbage and a six pack of вееr would you say I must be Irish."

"No." Said the clerk, "THIS IS A HARDWARE STORE!"
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Food Jokes Men jokes Wine jokes Beer Jokes
I recently added squats to my workouts by moving the вееr into the bottom shelf of the fridge.
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Office and Work Jokes Attitude Jokes Beer Jokes
If Operating Systems were вееr..
DOS Вееr:
Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in an 8-oz. can, but now comes in a 16-oz. can. However, the can is divided into 8 compartments of 2 oz. each, which have to be accessed separately.
Soon to be discontinued, although a lot of people are going to keep drinking it after it's no longer available.
Mac Вееr:
At first, came only a 16-oz. can, but now comes in a 32-oz. can. Considered by many to be a "light" вееr. All the cans look identical. When you take one from the fridge, it opens itself. The ingredients list is not on the can. If you call to ask about the ingredients, you are told that "you don't need to know." A notice on the side reminds you to drag your empties to the trashcan.
Windows 95 Вееr:
You can't buy it yet, but a lot of people have taste-tested it and claim it's wonderful. The can looks a lot like Mac Вееr's can, but tastes more like Windows 3.1 Вееr. It comes in 32-oz. cans, but when you look inside, the cans only have 16 oz. of вееr in them. Most people will probably keep drinking Windows 3.1 Вееr until their friends try Windows 95 Вееr and say they like it. The ingredients list, when you look at the small print, has some of the same ingredients that come in DOS вееr, even though the manufacturer claims that this is an entirely new brew.
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Computer Jokes Friendship Jokes Beer Jokes
“Don’t drink while driving – you might spill the вееr.”
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Funny sayings Beer Jokes
While watching the Cricket the other night my wife and I were discussing life and death. I told her, “Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and relying on fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.”
She promptly got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all my вееr.
Some days I just hate being married to a smart-assed b*tch !!!
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Marriage and Family Jokes Dating Jokes Beer Jokes
I went to see the doctor about my hearing loss and he gave me some medicine and told me to take two drops a day in my вееr.
I’ve been doing it for 5 days now and I still haven’t noticed any improvement.
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Medical and Doctor Jokes Disability Jokes Beer Jokes
Two nuns are doing their grocery shopping. As they pass the cooler full of вееr, one nun says longingly to the other one, "A cold вееr would go down great tonight!"
"Indeed," the other nun replies,
"But how can we show up with вееr at the check-out counter?"
"Don't worry, I have a plan," the other nun answers. "Grab a six-pack." The cashier is surprised when he sees the вееr, but the one nun is ready with an explanation. "We use the вееr to wash our hair" she says. "At the convent, we call it 'Catholic shampoo.'" Without hesitation the cashier bends down, grabs a package of pretzels, and throws it in one of the nuns' groceries bags, saying "The curlers are on the house."
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Religion jokes Beer Jokes
There are three women. One is dating, one is engaged, and one is married. They decide to get кinкy with their men and really pull out all the stops to make it extra special. The woman who is dating says, “Okay, so I bought black leather, red lipstick, fishnet stockings, and really got crazy. He loved it so much he thinks he’s in love.” The woman who is engaged says, “I showed up to his work after hours wearing only a red coat. Let’s just say he wants to move the wedding date up!” The woman who is married says, “Okay, I really went all out. I got a babysitter for the kids, and bought a black mask and a whip. My husband gets home, goes straight to the fridge, and grabs a вееr. Then he plops down on the couch and says, 'Hey Batman! Where the fuск is dinner?!?'"
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