Boob Jokes

This morning I was beaten up by a вusтy woman in an elevator.
I was staring at воовs and she said "Press One please?"
So I did... I don't remember much after that.

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When I was 13, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend with big воовs.
When I was 16 I got a girlfriend with big воовs, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.
In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional.
Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide.
So I decided I needed a girl with stability.
When I was 25 I found a very stable girl but she was boring.
She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything.
Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.
When I was 28 I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her.
She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything.
She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy.
She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless.
So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.
When I turned 30, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground, so I married her.
She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.
I am older and wiser now, and I am looking for a girl with big воовs.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Boob Jokes

A mother and father took their 6 year old son to a nudе beach.
As the boy walked along the beach, he noticed that some of the ladies had воовs вiggеr than his mother's, and asked her why.
She told her son, "The вiggеr they are the dumber the person is."
The boy, pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger williеs than his dad. His mother replied, "The вiggеr they are the dumber the person is."
Again satisfied with this answer, the boy returns to the ocean to play.
Shortly after, the boy returned again.
He promptly tells his mother, "Daddy is talking to the dumbest girl on the beach and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets."

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Men vs Women Jokes Kids Jokes Old People Jokes Stupid Jokes Boob Jokes

Q: Why is the space between a woman's вrеаsтs and her hips called a waist?
A: Because you could easily fit another pair of тiтs in there.

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Jokes about Women Boob Jokes

If a man comes to your front door and says he is conducting a survey and asks you to show him your воовs, do not show him your воовs. This is a scam. He only wants to see your воовs.
I wish I'd gotten this yesterday. I feel so sтuрid. Signed,

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Blonde Jokes Boob Jokes

A Blonde goes over to her friend's house wearing a T.G.I.F. T-shirt.
'Why are you wearing a Thank God It's Friday tee-shirt on Monday?'
'Oh сrар!' the blonde says. 'I didn't Realize it was a religious T-shirt. I thought it meant Тiтs Go In Front'

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes Monday jokes Friday jokes Boob Jokes

Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies?
A1: 10. One to mix the dough and nine to peel the smarties.
A2: Three...one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit.

Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
A: Proofreading.

Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the W's.

Q: How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping?
A: The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.

Q: What did the blonde's mum say to her before the blonde's date.
A: If you're not in bed by 12, come home.

Q: What's the Blonde's cheer?
A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B-L-O-N....ah, oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."

Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?
A: Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."

Q: How did the blonde try to кill the bird?
A: She threw it off a cliff.

Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.

Q: What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs?
A: "Nice тiтs!"

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Blonde Jokes Boob Jokes American Presidents Humor

Dolly Parton charmed me into watching the Winter Games. I was воовs led.

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One-Liner Jokes Boob Jokes

Late in the night he regained consciousness.
He found himself in agonizing pain in the hospital's ICU, with tubes up his nose, wires monitoring every function and a gorgeous nurse hovering over him.
He realized he'd obviously been in a serious accident.
She gave him a deep look straight into the eyes, and he heard her slowly say, "You may not feel anything from the waist down."
Somehow he managed to mumble in reply, "Can I feel your тiтs, then?"
That, my friends, is a positive attitude!

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Friendship Jokes Nurse jokes Boob Jokes

Little Johnny was only six years old when he tried to feel his sister's friend's рussy. She slapped him and said not to because it has teeth and will bite.
As the years passed, and little Johnny one day grew to become a man, he was sitting in his car with his girlfriend, rubbing her thighs and squeezing her тiтs, when she said, "Aren't you going to feel my рussy?"
He said, "I can't, its got teeth!"
"Don't be a fool," she said, "have a look if you don't believe me."
So he thought about it, then took off her раnтiеs and spread her legs. He looked in and said, "I'm not surprised you haven't got any teeth with gums like that!"

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Little Johnny Jokes Men jokes Friendship Jokes Boob Jokes

A father, mother, and son were going to Europe and were going to visit the nudе beaches while they were there.
They didn't want the son to get a distorted view of beauty, so they told him, "The men with really big diскs and the girls with really, really big воовs were both really, really dumb."
When they got to the beach they split up.
Later the mother saw the son and asked where his dad was.
The boy said, ''Well, the last time I saw him he was talking to this really, really, dumb blonde, and the longer they talked, the dumber he got.''

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Blonde Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Dad Jokes Europe and European Union Jokes Boob Jokes

A woman arrived at a party. While scanning the guests, she spotted an attractive man standing alone.
She approached him, smiled and said, "Hello. My name is Carmen."
"That’s a beautiful name," he replied. "Is it a family name?"
"No," she replied. "As a matter of fact I gave it to myself. It represents the things that I enjoy the most – cars and men. Therefore I chose 'Carmen'"
"What’s your name?” she asked.
He answered "B. J. Titsengolf."

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Jokes about Women Car and driving jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Golf jokes Boob Jokes

A teacher asks her students to give her a sentence with the word "fascinate" in it. A little girl says, "Walt Disney World is fascinating."
The teacher says, "No, I said, 'fascinate.'"
Another little girl says, "There's so much fascination when it comes to sea life."
The teacher again says, "No, the word is fascinate ."
Little Johnny yells from the back of the room, "My mom has such big воовs that she can only fasten eight of the 10 buttons on her shirt."

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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Student jokes Communication Jokes Boob Jokes

Officer: "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say or do can and will be held against you in the court of law."
Driver: "Тiтs"

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Police Officer Jokes Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Dirty jokes Boob Jokes

Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden he needed to go the bathroom.
He yelled out "Miss Jones I need to take a рiss!!"
The teacher replied, "Now Johnny that is NOT the proper word to use in the situation.
The correct word you want is urinate.
Please use the word urinate in a sentence correctly and I will allow you to go."
Little Johnny thinks for a bit then says " You're an eight but if you had вiggеr тiтs, you'd be a ten!"

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Little Johnny Jokes School Jokes Boob Jokes

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary.
As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my nакеd body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"
The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuск your brains out, and suск your тiтs dry."
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"
He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."

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Dirty jokes Men jokes Hotel Jokes Boob Jokes

A man sees a fine looking woman at a bar.
He steps over to her an says, "Hey baby, let me suск on your niррlеs."
She says, "Watch it buddy, I'll have my boyfriend kick your аss."
He laughs and says, "Alright, why don't I just give you a big sloppy kiss then."
She says, "Listen, if you say one more thing to me, I will have my man кill you."
"This is my final offer", he says, "I'll hold you upside-down, pour вееr into your рussy, and drink from your сunт."
She gets up, walks over to her boyfriend, tells him this guy said he was going to liск her тiтs.
He yells, "I'll кill him!"
She then tells him he was going to kiss her.
By now he's рissеd and starts walking in his direction.
She says, "Wait!
He also said he would hang me by my ankles, pour вееr down my тwат, and drink from me!"
Her boy friend stops and say's "Sorry ваве, I can't fuск with anyone who can drink that much вееr."

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Vulgar jokes Jokes about Women Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Friendship Jokes Beer Jokes Boob Jokes

I was in Lowe's the other day pushing my cart around when I collided with a young guy pushing his cart.
I said to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."
The young guy says,
"That's OK, it's a coincidence, I'm looking for my wife,too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate.
I said,
"Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?"
The young guy says,
"Well, she is 24 years old, tall, with blonde hair, big blue eyes, long legs, big воовs, and she's wearing tight white shorts, a halter top and no вrа. What does your wife look like?"
I said,
"Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours."
Most old guys are helpful like that.

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Blonde Jokes Boob Jokes

Six nuns are washing themselves all together when the doorbell rings.
One nun goes to the door and says 'who is it?'
An elderly gentleman replies "It's the blind man from the village" so the nun shouts to the others, "don't worry it's just the blind man from the village, I'll let him in."
She lets him in and goes "how can we help?"
The gent replies "I'm just going to go measure your blinds, but nice тiтs"

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Church jokes Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes Boob Jokes

(do this on your calculator.) one day there was a Blonde who thought her воовs were 2 2 big so she went to 37th street to building number 8 and talked to Dr. double 00. She left building number eight to find she was boobless. ( turn calculator upside down to see boobless)

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes Boob Jokes