Doctor's jokes, Health Jokes, Medical joke

An old lady goes to her doctor and asks for contraceptive tablets, claiming they help her sleep at night.
‘Why would contraceptive pills make you sleep any better than normal?’ asks the doctor.
The old lady replies, ‘Because I put them in my grandaughter’s coffee.’

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A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl’s place. A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands.
He then takes off his pants and washes his hands.
The girl watches him and says, “You must be a dentist”
The guy, surprised, says “Yes…how did you figure that out?”
The girl says, “Easy… you keep washing your hands."
One thing led to another and they make love.
After they were done, the girl says, “You must be a great dentist.”
The guy, now with a boosted ego says, “Yes, I sure am a great dentist. How did you figure that out?”
The girl says, “Easy… I didn’t feel a thing!”

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Dentist Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dirty jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes Love Jokes

A man woke up in a hospital bed and called for his doctor. He asked, "Give it to me straight. How long have I got?" The physician replied that he doubted that the man would survive the night.
The man then said, "Call for my lawyer." When the lawyer arrived, the man asked for his physician to stand on one side of the bed, while the lawyer stood on the other. The man then laid back and closed his eyes. When he remained silent for several minutes, the physician asked what he had in mind. The man replied "Jesus died with a thief on either side. I just thought I'd check out the same way."

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Lawyer Jokes God Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes

Chuck Norris once caught AIDS... but then he let it go.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

A doctor notices a sidewalk stand that says 'brains for sale.' He goes over to investigate and sees a sign that says 'Doctor brains $8.00 a pound’ and another sign that says ‘Paramedic brains $12.00 a pound, Nurses brains $30.00 a pound, truck driver $40.00 a pound and lawyers brains $90.00 a pound.’ So he asks the man behind the cash register, “how come his brains are only worth 8.00 and a lawyer's worth 90.00?” The man replies, “do you know how many lawyers it takes to make a pound of brains?”

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Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Nurse jokes Lawyer Jokes

What's the definition of bravery?
A man with diarrhea chancing a fаrт!

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Gross Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Fart Jokes

A man visits his doctor with celery stalks stuck in each ear and a carrot stick up each nostril.
He mumbles, "Doc, I'm just not feeling well."
The doctor replies, "Maybe you're not eating right."

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Food Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes

What two things in the air can make a women pregnant?
Her feet!

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Jokes about Women Sex Jokes

Did you hear about the Easter egg hunt for the Alzheimer's patients?
They hid their own eggs!

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Easter Jokes Food Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dark Humor Jokes

When I was born, the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm very sorry. We did everything we could. But he pulled through."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Kids Jokes

Doc, says Steve, "I want to be castrated."
"What on Earth for?"
"It's something I've been thinking about for a long time.
If you don't do it, I'll just go to another doctor."
"OK, but it's against my better judgment."
Steve has his operation.
The next day he walks down the hospital corridor very slowly, legs apart, with his drip stand.
Heading toward him is another patient walking exactly the same way.
"Hi there," says Steve, "It looks as if you've just had the same operation as me."
"Yeah," says the patient, "I finally decided I'd like to be circumcised."
Steve's eyes widen in horror, "Oh no! That's the word!"

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes

Patient: "Doctor, I am feeling much better now. Please give me your bill."
Doctor: "Be calm. You are not strong enough for this yet."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Money jokes

"Doctor, I have a problem..."
"What’s your problem?"
"I рее in my sleep, every night!"
"Why?"
"Oh, well... Every night, a little devil visits me in my sleep and asks me; “Did we рее today?”.
"And, that’s it? The solution is so simple.. Listen to me! If the little devil comes again you’re gonna answer; 'Yeah, dude, I did!'"
"And that will cut it off?"
"Sure! Like a knife!"
At night, the little devil showed up on the patient’s dream and whispered;
"Did we рее today?"
"Yeah, dude, I did!" said angry the guy.
And little devil replied: "What about роор?"

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Gross Jokes

Boy: "Hi, my name is Milk. I'll do your body good."
Girl: "Sorry, I'm Lactose intolerant!"

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Jokes about Women Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Flirt jokes

There was this guy who was sick,so he went to the doctor.
The doc ran some tests and sent him home with some medicine.
The next day the doctor called and the wife answered.
"I'm going to need to run a few more tests", the doctor said.
"I'm going to need a sемеn, urinе and a fесаl sample".
After she hung up the husband asked, "What did the doctor say?"
"He needs a pair of your underwear".

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Marriage and Family Jokes Gross Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Drug Jokes

Having passed the enlistment physical, Jon was asked by the doctor, "Why do you want to join the Navy, son?"
"My father said it'd be a good idea, sir."
"Oh? And what does your father do?"
"He's in the Army, sir."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Military Jokes Dad Jokes Communication Jokes

Guy goes to a doctor and says he has a problem with sеx.
"I think my privates are too small." he says.
The doctor asks him which drink he prefers. "Well, Lager," he replies, quite bemused.
"Ah. There's your problem. It shrinks things, those Lagers. You should try drinking Guinness. That makes things grow."
Two months later the chap returns to the doctor with a big smile on his face.
He shakes the doctor by the hand and thanks him.
"I take it you now drink Guinness?" asked the doc.
"No", replies the man "but I've got the wife on Lager!"

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Military Jokes

Little Johnny's next door neighbor had a baby. Unfortunately, the little baby was born with no ears. When they arrived home from the hospital, the parents invited Little Johnny's family to come over and see their new baby.
Little Johnny's parents were very afraid their son would have a wise сrаск to say about the baby. So, Little Johnny's dad had a long talk with Little Johnny before going to the neighbors.
He said, "Now, son...that poor baby was born without any ears. I want you to be on your best behavior and not say one word about his ears, or I'm really going to spank you when we get back home.
"I promise not to mention his ears at all," said Little Johnny.
At the neighbor's home, Little Johnny leaned over the crib and touched the baby's hand. He looked at its mother and said, "Oh, what a beautiful little baby!"
The mother said, "Thank you very much, Little Johnny."
He then said, "This baby has perfect little hands and perfect little feet. Why... just look at his pretty little eyes! Did his doctor say he can see good?"
The Mother said, "Why, yes... his doctor said he has 20/20 vision."
Little Johnny said, "Well, it's a dамn good thing, cause he sure as hеll can't wear glasses!"

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Little Johnny Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dad Jokes

I don't understand why people pay shrinks when I'll tell them what's wrong with themselves for free.

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Psychology and Psychiatry Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

Man goes to the doctors and sayes "Doctor, I cant stop my hands from shaking !"
Doctor replies "Do you drink much ?"
Man says "no, I spill most of it !"

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes