Doctor's jokes, Health Jokes, Medical joke

In Africa, in a hospital, a black man entered armed – he had a knife on him – stick in his back!

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A young fellow went to a Jewish Doctor and told the doctor he was worried because he could not get an еrестiоn.
Whereupon the doctor told him to eat Jewish Rye Bread.
So on his way home, the young man stopped a Jewish Bakery and asked for 25 Loaves of Rye Bread.
The Baker said "25 Loaves? It will get hard before you get rid of it."
Whereupon the patient in excitement said "Give me 50 loaves."

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Jewish Jokes Food Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Communication Jokes

A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn’t been feeling well.
The doctor examins him, leaves the room and comes back with three different bottles of pills.
The doctor says, "Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water."
Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers, "Jeez doc, exactly what’s my problem?"
The Doctor says, "You’re not drinking enough water."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Drug Jokes

Doctors at a hospital in Brooklyn, New York have gone on strike.
Hospital officials say they will find out what the Doctors’ demands are as soon as they can get a pharmacist over there to read the picket signs !

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Medical and Doctor Jokes One-Liner Jokes

A pregnant woman gets into a car accident and falls into a deep coma.
Asleep for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.
The doctor replies,
"Ma'am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them."
The woman thinks to herself, "Oh no, not my brother -- he's an idiот!"
Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"
"Denise," the doctor says.
The new mother thinks, "Wow, that's not a bad name! Guess I was wrong about my brother. I like Denise!"
Then she asks the doctor, "What's the boy's name?"
The doctor replies, DeNephew.

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Jokes about Women Medical and Doctor Jokes

Q: What's the scientific name for Viаgrа?
A: Mycoxafailin

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Viagra jokes

Two children were in a doctor's waiting room. The little girl was softly sobbing.
"Why are you crying?" asked the little boy.
"I'm here for a blood test, and they're going to cut my finger," said the girl.
When he heard this, the little boy started to cry.
"Why are you crying?" asked the girl.
The boy looked at her worriedly and said, "I'm here for a urinе test."

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Men vs Women Jokes Kids Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

A man went to visit his doctor. "Doc, my arm hurts bad. Can you check it out please?" the man pleads.
The doctor rolls up the man's sleeve and suddenly hears the arm talk. "Hello, Doctor," says the arm. "Could you lend me twenty bucks please? I'm desperate!"
"Aha!'' says the doctor. ''I see the problem. Your arm is broke!"

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Money jokes Men jokes

A couple placed an ad: "Have 4 sons, need advice on how to get a daughter."
Responses:
American: "Keep trying!"
Briton: "Change Doctor!"
Aussie: "Follow a special diet."
Indian: "Practice yoga!"
Pinoy: "Let me try!"

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Nationality Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Food Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Couple jokes American Jokes Cowboys and Indians Jokes Diet and Weight Loss Jokes

A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant.
After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: "Well, I hope you like changing nappies/diapers".
She replies: "Oh my god am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?"
To which he responds: "No, you've got воwеl cancer."

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Dark Humor Jokes Jokes about Women God Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

Lady goes to doctor with a bee up her fаnny.
Doc says, "Im gonna rub honey on my d*ck and insert it, when the bee smells it, I'll pull out and he'll follow."
Doctor starts and woman begins to moan.
Doctor gets faster and harder.
Woman yells, "What the fuск you doing?"
Doc says, "Change of plan, I'm gonna drown the ваsтаrd."

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Dirty jokes Jokes about Women Medical and Doctor Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes

Q: What is the worst thing an emergency doctor can tell you after admitting your mother in law?
A: Sir, we were able to save her!

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Mother-in-Law Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dark Humor Jokes

Romi (to the doctor): "Doctor, my sister thinks that she is a lift."
Doctor: "Tell her to come in."
Romi: "I cannot"
Doctor: "Why so?"
Romi: "Because she does not stop at this floor."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you.

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Men jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Flirt jokes Love Jokes

"Doctor I feel like biscuits!"
"What, you mean those square ones?"
"Yes!"
"The ones you put butter on?"
"Yes!"
"Well, that means you’re crackers!"

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

Did you hear about the male рrоsтiтuте who got leprosy?
He did okay until his business fell off.

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Business jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Men jokes

Girl: "I can't be your valentine for medical reasons."
Boy: "Really?"
Girl: "Yeah, you make me sick!"

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Valentine's Day Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

Patient:
"I am sorry to call you to my house so far away from your chamber at this time of night."
Doctor:
"Don’t worry. I have another patient near here. So I can Кill two birds with one stone."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

I say to my son, What are you going to be for Halloween? He goes, Im going to be Frankenstein. And I say, OK. Halloween comes, he walks downstairs, hes got, like, an old suit jacket of mine on, old suit pants, his face is painted green.... I say, What are you supposed to be? He goes, Im Frankenstein! I said, No, youre not. You are the creature. Frankenstein was the doctor who invented the creature. Its a common literary mistake, but you just made it, my friend. Go upstairs and change.

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Halloween Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

A man goes to a sреrм bank and says,
"I'd like to make a deposit please."
The doctor says,
"Go and fill this up," and gives the man a bottle.
Three days later the man returns to the sреrм bank, marches into the doctor's office and says,
"I've tried with my left hand and tried with my right hand. My wife has tried with her left hand and her right hand. My mother-in-law has tried with a rubber glove on and even took her teeth out and tried with her mouth -- none of us can get the top off that bottle!"

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Banker Jokes