Dog jokes

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A redneck cowboy rides into a town on a hot blistering day riding his horse with his dog following. He ties his horse and the dog under the shade of a tree. The Redneck cowboy goes into the bar for a cold вееr.
About 20 minutes later a policeman comes in and asks who owns the dog tied under the tree. The Redneck cowboy tells him that its his. The policeman says; “Your dog is in heat”.
The redneck cowboy answers; “No way the dogs in heat; he’s cool, cause he’s tied under the shade of the tree”.
The policeman says; “No, you don’t understand, your dog needs to be bred”.
The redneck cowboy shakes his head and says; “No way the dog needs bread, he’s not hungry, I gave him beef jerky this morning”.
The policeman finally gets mad and says; “Look, your dog wants to have sеx”.
The redneck cowboy looks at him and says “Go ahead, I always wanted a police-dog”.
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Sardar goes to Australia and goes to Woolworths, the grocery store. He finds cat food at special prices. He picks a dozen cans of cat food and goes to check out.
The Manager gets suspicious. He thinks that this guy cannot have a cat and will probably feed cat food to his kids.
He asks Sardar to show him his cat before he could let him have cat food. Sardar goes home and returns with a cat and gets to buy the cat food.
Next week Sardar finds dog food at special prices. He picks a dozen cans of dog food and goes to check out. The Manager again gets suspicious. He thinks that this guy has a cat but he cannot have a dog and he will probably feed dog-food to his kids. He asks Sardar to bring and show him the dog before he can let him have dog food.
Sardar goes home and returns with a dog. He gets to buy the dog food..
Next week Sardar comes to Woolworths with a bag. He asks the manager to put his hand in the bag.
The Manager puts his hand in the bag and immediately takes it out.. He shouts at Sardar, What the Fсuк is this?! Is this sh1t you Ваsтаrd?!?
And Sardar calmly replies: Yes, and I want to buy toilet paper.
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Раddy spies a letter lying on his doormat. It says on the envelope “DO NOT BEND “.
Paddy spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick the вlооdy thing up.
Paddy shouts frantically into the phone “My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!”
“Is this her first child?” asks the Doctor.
“No”, shouts Раddy, “this is her husband!” Раddy was driving home, drunк as a skunk, suddenly he has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another.
A cop car pulls him over as he veers about all over the road.
Paddy tells the cop about all the trees in the road.
Cop says “For gods sake Раddy, that’s your air freshener swinging about!” An old Irish farmer’s dog goes missing and he’s inconsolable.
His wife says “Why don’t you put an advert in the paper?” He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.
“What did you put in the paper?” his wife asks.
“Here boy” he replies.
Paddy’s in jail. Guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet.
“What the hеll you doing?” he asks.
“Hanging myself” Раddy replies.
“It should be around your neck” says the Guard.
“I know” says Раddy “but I couldn’t  breathe”.
An American tourist asks an Irishman:
“Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?” To which the Irishman replies:
“If they fell forwards, they’d still be in the вlооdy boat”
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Фермер се изповядва: Докторот го прашува Трпе: Guy goes to his psychiatrist and says "I'm in love with my dog." "Well that is not so unusual, millions of people love their dogs." "But doctor, you don't understand. I'm physically attracted to my dog. I'm in love with my dog." "Well, is your dog male or female?" "Female, of course, what the... Arzt: „Was fehlt Ihnen?“ Patient: „Herr Doktor, ich liebe meinen Hund.“ Arzt: „Tut mir Leid. Als Krankheit ist das nicht anerkannt. Ich kann da nichts machen.“ Patient: „Aber Herr Doktor, ich liebe meinen Hund physisch …“ Arzt: “ Oh, ist es eine Hündin oder ein Rüde?“ Patient: „Eine Hündin... Herr Schmitz zum Arzt: "Herr Doktor, ich liebe mein Pferd." "Na und - jeder liebt sein Tier. Ist doch nur natürlich, dass sie ihr Pferd lieben." "Herr Doktor - ich liebe mein Pferd auch physisch... C'est un gars qui va chez le psychiatre et qui dit: - Docteur, je suis amoureux de mon cheval... Je le désire sexuellement! Le psy répond: - Hmmm, je vois ce que c'est. Et votre cheval, c'est un... Un homme va chez son psy et lui dit : - Docteur, il faut que je vous dise, je suis tombé amoureux de mon cheval... - De votre cheval? - Oui docteur de mon cheval, et je le désire sexuellement... -... Ένας κτηνοτρόφος πηγαίνει να εξομολογηθεί Ο αμαρτωλός Αγρότης En man besökte den berömde psykiatrikern och sa, - Jo, herr doktorn. Mitt problem är som så att jag blivit extremt förälskad i en häst. - Vad då för slags häst? smålog läkaren. - Ett sto... "Ik ben verliefd op mijn paard", sprak de nerveuze man tegen de psychiater. "Dat is toch niet iets om u zorgen over te maken?" sprak de arts. "Veel mensen zijn gek op hun dieren. Mijn vrouw en ik...
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