Food Jokes - Page 17

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There were these two bums and they were hungry when they came across road кill.
The first вuм went down to eat it when he looked up at his friend and said, "Oh I'm sorry, would you like some?"
He replied, "No I think I'll wait."
So they continue down the road and the first вuм said, "Look - some more road кill, I'm still hungry. How about you?"
His friend replied, "No, not yet, I think I'll wait."
The first вuм ate the road кill.
Shortly after, his eyes rolled back and he puked the whole thing back up on the street.
Seconds later, his friend dove in and ate every last slickery drop of the puke.
The first вuм said, "I thought you weren't hungry?"
His friend replied, "I was always hungry, I just wanted a warm meal."

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Gross Jokes Food Jokes Friendship Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Yo Mama's just like peanut-butter...she spreads for bread !

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Yo Momma Jokes Food Jokes

Roses are red,
violets are blue,
sugar is sweet,
but nothing compared to you.

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Relationship Jokes Food Jokes Flirt jokes Love Jokes

Yo' Mama is so poor, she eats cereal with a fork to save milk.

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Yo Momma Jokes Money jokes Food Jokes

A married couple go to a restaurant. A blonde waitress takes their order and returns several minutes later, carrying a plate with only a plain hamburger bun on it.The man asks, "Where's the burger?"
The waitress lifts her arm and pulls out a burger from her armpit. "I was keeping it warm," she replies.
The wife says, "Please cancel my hot dog order."

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Gross Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes Blonde Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes Dog jokes Restaurant Jokes

Two eggs were kissing on a bed when the female egg said, "I have to go change. I'll be back in a minute."
Five minutes later, the the female egg walked out in a slinky 'egg'lige, rubbing her hands up and down her smooth, oval-shaped body.
Instantly, the male egg slapped his hands on the top of his head, covering it completely.
"What are you doing?," the female egg asked.
He replied, "The last time I was this hard, someone cracked me on the head with a spoon."

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Looking Good Jokes Jokes about Women Food Jokes Men jokes

A boy asks his mother for breakfast. She says, "Not until you feed the animals."
The boy goes outside and says to the chicken, "I don't feel like feeding you today." So he kicks the chicken. He does the same with the соw and the pig. The boy goes back into the house and tells his mother that he's hungry. His mother says, "I saw you kick the chicken, so you're not getting any eggs, I saw you kick the соw, so you're not getting any milk, and I saw kick the pig, so you're not getting any bacon."
Just then the boy's father walks down the steps, trips and kicks the cat. The boy says, "Mom, should I tell him?"

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Animal Jokes Food Jokes

What do you get from a short-legged соw?
Dragon milk.

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Animal Jokes Food Jokes Dwarf Jokes

A woman finds out that her husband is cheating on her, so she decides to leave him a present.
When he gets home, he finds an empty house, a bowl of cookies, and a video.
He scarfs down the cookies, and pops in the video.
On TV, he sees his wife suскing his best friend's d**k.
He comes in her mouth, and she immediately spits the jizz into a bowl of cookie dough.
Then she turns to the camera.
"Oh, hello, I want a divorce."

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Divorce Jokes Jokes about Women Gross Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes Friendship Jokes Cheating Jokes

My idea of balanced diet is вееr in each hand.

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Food Jokes Men jokes Beer Jokes Diet and Weight Loss Jokes

Rabbit: "Are you sure this bottle of special carrot juice will cure me?"
Doctor: "Absolutely. No rabbit ever came back for another."

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Animal Jokes Food Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

A boy is selling fish on a corne r. To get his customers' attention, he is yelling, "Dam fish for sale! Get your dam fish here!"
A pastor hears this and asks, "Why are you calling them 'dam fish.'"
The boy responds, "Because I caught these fish at the local dam."
The pastor buys a couple fish, takes them home to his wife, and asks her to cook the dam fish. The wife responds surprised, "I didn't know it was acceptable for a preacher to speak that way." He explains to her why they are dam fish. Later at the dinner table, he asks his son to pass the dam fish. He responds:
"That's the spirit, Dad! Now pass the fuскing potatoes!"

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Religion jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes Animal Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Dad Jokes

What does a British potato say when it thinks something is wonderful?
It's mashing!

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Food Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

Life is like a box of chocolates:
A lot of people can't stand the dark ones.

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Food Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Black People Jokes

What gives milk and has a horn?
A milk tank.

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Animal Jokes Food Jokes

A man comes home from a tough day of work looking to unwind.
After a relaxing dinner with his wife, they retired to bed.
So, both go to their separate beds, however the man was not yet ready to slumber.
The man called over to his wife, "My little boopey-boo, I'm lonely."
So the woman gets out of bed and crosses the room to the husband.
On the way she trips on the carpet and falls on her face.
The husband with a concerned look on his face says, "Oh, did my little honey-woney fall on her little nosey-wosey?"
The woman gets up and enters the man's bed.
The two make passionate love and afterwards the women rolls out.
As she is returning to her bed, she once again catches her foot on the carpet and falls flat on her face.
The man looks over his shoulder at his wife lying on the floor and says, "Clumsy idiот."

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Men jokes Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes

What do you get when you cross a rabbit with strawberry soda?
A berry bubbly bunny.

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Animal Jokes Food Jokes

Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant.
The steak did what it was told.

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One-Liner Jokes Food Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Communication Jokes Restaurant Jokes

Why didn't the mother potato want her daughter to marry the famous newscaster?
Because he was a commentator.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes