A ham sandwich walked into a bar and the bartender said:"We don't sell to ham sandwiches."But the sandwich replied:"That's okay, I only want a вееr." 13 0 0
Two old ladies are in a restaurant.One complains, "You know, the food here is just terrible."The other shakes her head and adds, "And such small portions." 13 0 0
Блондинка влиза в библиотека, крещейки: библиотека им. ленина. в читальном зале сидят доктора наук,... A blonde went in the library and walked up to the librarian behind the desk and said, "I would like a cheeseburger." The librarian replied,"Shh! This is a library!" The blonde blushed."oh, sorry.." then she whispered, "I would like a cheeseburger." Μπαίνει μια ξανθιά στη βιβλιοθήκη και αρχίζει να φωνάζει: - "Μια πίτα γύρο από όλα χωρίς μουστάρδα." Ο βιβλιοθηκάριος της λέει διακριτικά: - "Συγνώμη κυρία μου, αλλά εδώ είναι βιβλιοθήκη." Και η ξανθιά απαντάει χαμηλόφωνα: - "Α! με συγχωρείτε. Μια πίτα γύρο από όλα χωρίς μουστάρδα." A blonde enters a library. She goes to the counter and says "I'll like a cheeseburger, fries, and a cola." The librarian says "Ma'am this is library." So the blonde leans in and whispers "I'd like a cheeseburger, fries, and a cola." Une blonde rentre dans une blibliothéque et elle dit : - "un coca , une frite et un bigmac" le dirigent dit : - "madame vous êtes dans une blibliothéque" - "Ah !d'accord ! " en chuchotant elle dit : "un coca , une frite et un bigmac"... Sarışının biri kütüphaneye gitmiş ve direk bankoya yönelerek görevliden bir hamburger, bir kola ve bir de patates kızartması istemiş. Görevlinin saf saf yüzüne baktığını gören sarışın bu sefer daha... En blondin gick till ett bibliotek och sa - Hej, kan jag få en Big Mac & company? - Eh, det här är ett bibliotek! - Oj förlåt, En Big Mac & company (viskandes) Un fou entre dans une bibliothèque : "-Bonjour, je voudrais un burger s'il vous plaît ! - Mais monsieur, nous sommes dans une librairie ! - Ah pardon ! [Chuchote] Bonjour, je voudrais un burger... En blondin klev in i ett bibliotek och gick fram till bibliotikarien och sa: - En hamburgare med pommes tack! - Men lilla vännen, det här är ett bibliotek! Blondinen ursäktade sig och viskade:... Geht eine Blondine in die Bibliothek und fragt: "Kann ich ein Döner haben?" Sagt der Bibliothekar: "Das hier ist eine Bibliothek." Flüstert die Blondine "Kann ich einen Döner haben." Een dom blondje komt de bibliotheek binnen en roept: “Een zak friet en een frikandel!” Sssssst u bent hier in een bibliotheek, sust de dame achter de balie. Oké zegt het domme blondje zachtjes... Une blonde entre dans une bibliothèque, se dirige vers le comptoir et dit : - Bonjour, un coca, une frite et un bigmac s'il vous plait. - Madame vous êtes dans une bibliothèque, réplique la... C’est une blonde qui rentre dans une bibliothèque et qui demande à l’accueil : - Bonjour, je voudrais un hamburger ? un grand coca et une grande frite ! Le bibliothécaire : - Madame, vous êtes dans... A blonde walks into a library and asks the librarian, "Can I have a burger and fries?"She replies, "Sorry, this is a library."The blonde whispers, "Oh, sorry. May I have a burger and fries?" 12 0 0
Cowboy Talks to the Animals Der Moslemflüsterer Един срещнал на полето овчар с куче, кон и една овца. Мужик приходит к председателю колхоза и говорит: Un ventriloquo arriva in un paese e vede un contadino seduto con un cane, un cavallo e una pecora: "Che bel cane! Ti spiace se gli parlo?".,E il contadino: "Questo cane non parla!".,Ma il ventriloquo insiste: "Hei cane, come va?".,E il cane: "Bene".,Il contadino e' un po'... Ein Christ trifft einen Türken mit einem Hund, Pferd und einer Ziege. Fragt der Christ: "Darf ich mit dem Hund reden?" Türke: "Hund kann nicht reden." Christ zum Hund: "Und wie geht es dir?" Hund: "Ganz gut, er füttert mich und geht 2 mal raus mit mir." Der Türke völlig verdutzt. Christ:... Un indien est en train de garder des chèvres. Un cow-boy se pointe et lui dit : - C'est ton chien ? - Lui être ! - Je peux lui parler un peu ? - Chien pas parler ! Bon, le cow-boy s'approche du chien. - Ca va ? - Pas mal ! (Stupeur de l'Indien...), - Cet Indien, c'est ton maître ? - Ouais. - Il... Een cowboy komt een dorpje binnen en ziet een indiaan aan de rand van zijn huis zitten. Cowboy: "Leuke hond heb je. Vind je het erg als ik met hem praat?" Indiaan: "Hond niet praten." Cowboy:... Een buiksprekende, Belgische toerist wandelt door een stadje in de woestijn en ziet een Marokkaan zitten. Belg : Hé, een leuke hond heb je daar. Mag ik er even mee praten ? Marokkaan : Hond niet... A traveling salesman goes to a farm house. The farmer goes, I could put you up for one night, but youll have to stay in the barn. So he spends the night there and the next morning the farmer comes... En bugtalende cowboy En bugtalende cowboy kommer ridende inde fra byen, og ser en indianer sidde ude foran sin tipi! Han synes lige, at han vil lave lidt sjov med indianeren, så han siger: "Hejsa,... Un paysan voit que ses bêtes ne sont pas dans leur assiette et décide de faire venir le vétérinaire : - Alors ? Quel est le problème ? - Je ne sais pas trop justement. - ? Il suffit de leur... Un touriste se promène à la campagne et visite une ferme. Il demande au paysan de lui faire visiter. Ensemble, ils vont vers l'étable. Le touriste va vers une vache et se met à lui parler : -... Un contadino è seduto sopra un pezzo di legno e arriva un signore vestito bene che gli chiede se può parlare con i suoi animali e il contadino gli dice di si anche se lui dice che non gli possono... Englishman: "That your Dog"..?? Welshman: "Aye". Englishman: "Mind if I Speak to him"..?? Welshman: "Dog don't Talk.” Englishman: Hey Dog, how's it going"..?? Dog: "Doing All Right, Thanks".... While riding one day, a cowboy met an Indian riding along with a dog and a sheep and he began a conversation.Cowboy: "Hey, nice dog you got there. Mind if I speak to him?" Indian: "Dog no talk."Cowboy: "Hey dog, how's it going?"Dog: "Doin' alright."Indian:( Look of shock )Cowboy:"Is this Indian your owner?" ( Pointing at the Indian )Dog: "Yep."Cowboy: "How does he treat you?"Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play."Indian:( Look of disbelief )Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your horse?" Indian: "Horse no talk."Cowboy: "Hey horse, how's it going?"Horse: "Good." Indian:( Extreme look of shock ) Cowboy: "Is this your owner?" ( Pointing at the Indian ) Horse: "Yep." Cowboy: "How does he treat you?"Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in a shed to protect me."Indian:( Complete look of utter amazement ) Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"Indian: "Sheep liar." 12 0 0
Your Halloween costume came in the mail today. I opened it. It was a rooster mask and a bag of lollipops. Going as a c*ck sucker again!? 12 0 0
A plowhorse, a honeybee and an old geezer are debating about which of them is the greatest.The horse says,"I can plow all day long to provide food for dozens of people!"" The bee says,"I pollinate all the plants every year and make honey besides!"The old geezer says...(We're waiting...) 12 0 0
Q. Why don't blondes eat Jello?A. They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages. 12 0 0
If I was an object in this world I’d be a glass! Because if you leave me when I’m too close to the edge I will likely shatter and break.If I was a pizza topping I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.I’m a star! Because one of these days I’m going to crash and burn…If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die I’d be a panda, because people would give a shiт if I went extinct.I’m like the sun; I’m painful to look at.If I was a food I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.I’m like an eggshell… broken and empty.If I was a mythical creature I’d be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.I’m like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.My soul is a raisin because it’s dried up shriveled, and not everyone likes it.I’m like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.I’m like the moon because as the month progresses my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.I’m like an Ex streamly powerful fаn! Because I push everyone away.I’m like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.I’m like a shity book cover… because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can’t afford to go through with the divorce and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape but the more they try the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxietyHelp me… 12 0 0
If Chuck Norris ever opened a restaurant, the only thing on the menu would be knuckle sandwiches and eye of roundhouse steaks. 11 0 0
If I had a dollar every time a customer complained about the price of cinema food.I could almost afford a small popcorn. 11 0 0
The Dove Bar's like an 80-pound wаd of chocolate on a toothpick.If you're not careful when you take it out of the package, you'll snap your wrists. 10 0 0
Johnny collected lots of money from trick or treating and he went to the candy store to buy some chocolate. ' You should give that money to charity,' said the shopkeeper. 'No, I'll buy the chocolate. You give the money to charity!' 10 0 0
An Asian walks into a McDonald's and says, "I'll Have An Eggroll and Some Fry Rye.""I'm sorry sir we don't serve that. Would you like anything else?" "I have quarter pounder. And when would you like to pick that up...Hiroshima!" 10 0 0