Food Jokes

Newest jokes in this category

When Chuck Norris opens a bag of Doritos, it's fuскing full!

10 0

Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder.
Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to кill a соw and make more beef jerky.
Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."

9 0

Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

9 0

There was three Mexicans walking down the street when three old white guys approached them. The first white man said:
Whats up wet backs.
The first mexican said:
I am not wet, I am just greasy from stealing car parts.
The second old man said:
What the hells that smell, smells like beanery.
The second Mexican replies:
It don't smell like beanery, we just got back from taco веll.
The third mexican says:
YaYA, amigo, we just got back from Taco Веll.
The third white guys says:
I was talking to the bean, not the whole dамn burrito.

9 0

My mother wanted to test my responsibility and wanted me to cook dinner for the family to help mean understand how it feels to constantly cook for a whole family. So me with my horrible humor decided to make a giant joke for when dinner time came around and so I just got four plates and set them in front of my family and I then said, “Here you are a fine African meal.” then everybody looked at me in disappointment and then I continued to say, “what poor taste?”

8 0

I'm not saying I'm racist at all, but....
I put chocolate milk in back of the fridge.

7 0

How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to сrаск.

7 0

Did you hear about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
She missed.

6 0

I am gonna lose weight.
I'm gonna exercise everyday.
I'm gonna go on a diet and stick to it ...
Is that a cake?

6 0

I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas.
The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music.
After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me...
Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

6 0

Three guys are on a plane one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American, and the Pilot says “There is to much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off.” So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said , “I have plenty of these where I come from,” the the Asian threw out some rice and said “I have plenty of these in my country,” The American threw out a bomb and said, “I have a lot of these in my country.” The plane crashes anyway and the three men start to walk away from the crash, as they were walking the found a boy crying they asked him what was wrong and he said, “A ton of Buritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy,” The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying they asked him what was wrong and he said, “A ton of rice fell out of the sky and sherded all my clothes.” The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble, they kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny the boy said, “MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!”

6 0

Bears do not eat bears.
Tigers do not eat tigers.
Dogs do not eat dogs.
Cats stopped eating kebabs.

6 0

My Mum used to feed my brother and I by saying 'Here comes the train', and we always ate the food straight away.
Otherwise she wouldn't untie us from the tracks.

6 0

On 9/11 the Twin Towers ordered 3 pepperoni pizzas, one came in plain, the other came in late, the third went to the wrong address.

6 0

A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence. "My father grows beans," said one girl. "My mother cooks beans," said a boy. A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans."

5 0

Donald Trump wants to ban the sale of pre-shredded cheese. – He wants to make America grate again.

5 0

Food is like dark humor
Not every one gets it.

5 0

What’s the difference between a pizza delivery guy and a cop.
Pizza guys get punished for not doing their jobs properly

5 0

A typical macho man married typical good-looking woman and, after the wedding, laid down the following rules:
''I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want - and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect dinner to be on the table unless I tell you otherwise. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?''
His new bride said, ''No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there'll be sеx here at 7 o'clock every night - whether you're here or not.''

4 0

A boy asks his father:
"Dad, are bugs good to eat?"
"That's disgusting. Don't talk about things like that over dinner," the dad replies. After dinner the father asks,
"Now, son, what did you want to ask me?"
"Oh, nothing," the boy says. "There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone."

4 0