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A divorced billionaire was ordered by the Court to hand over a 49% share of his Corporation to his ex-wife. The Billionaire, we will call him Sam, was actively involved in acquiring properties wherever he chose. At an annual Board Meeting with his executives, the company stockholders, minus the ex-wife, were reviewing the land acquisitions during the time since Sam's divorce was finalized. They started a discussion of each property, one by one. "Fish Haven, Idaho, I see the aggression expression on that purchase", the one executive commented. Sam gave his nod of admission of its truth. The next company man made his statement, "Dog Walk, Kentucky", "Again we have an aggression expression, don't we Sam?" Sam concurred with that fact again. "Horse heads, New York," and the company man said,
"Aggression Expression with DRAMATIC innuendo!" Sam was all too willing to say yes and be understood as an angry and vengeful man. The next property on the roster was Canton, Ohio. "Canton, Ohio?” asked the 4th company man, "I don't see any sign of your conveyance of your indignation, to your ex, on this property name." Sam replied, "No, this acquisition was just to say I love Chinese food."
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The kings sent out explorers in search of new lands and treasures. Upon conclusion of a grand find they’d dispatch messages via carrier рigеоn to the castle palace promptly informing the king.
Caravans traveled north, south, east and west. One day these intrepid explorers came upon villages that all had something rare and exotic in common. Each village had a delicate and supple food called smoked ham. The kings men were delighted for they had never tasted such a delicacy.
This was such great news each caravan decided to send all of their carrier pigeons at once. They wanted to insure these messages of grandeur found their mark. The pouches carried by the royal pigeons were filled with bits and pieces of this remarkable substance.
Suddenly the skies became darkened around the castle as hordes of carrier pigeons flooded the palace with massive amount of messages all at once. This angered the king, it was the first time he’d ever been spammed.
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Food Jokes
A boy goes to live with his grandparents. It seems the boy's grandma is always making food for the boy's grandpa. One morning the boy walks in on his grandpa enjoying a breakfast his grandmother made. The boy asks, "Can I have some of your bacon grandpa?"
The grandpa then asks the boy, "Can your diск reach your аss yet?" The boy says,
"No."
"Well there's your answer," he tells the boy.
Around lunch the boy asks for more food, and gets the same response. Then yet again at dinner, only to still get asked,
"Is your diск long enough to reach your аss yet?" And the boy still replies,
"No," and he knows he is not getting any food from his grandpa. Right before bed, the boys grandma bakes him some cookies. The boy's grandpa walks in and asks, "Hey those look like some mighty fine cookies boy. Can I have one?" The boy then gets a shiт eating grin on his face and asks, "Is your diск long enough to reach your аss yet?" The boy's grandpa replies,
"Why yes it is," with a sense of pride. The boy tells his grandpa, "Good, go fuск yourself, grandma made these cookies for me.
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The National Football League recently announced a new era. From now on, no offensive team names will be permitted. While the owners of the team rush to change uniforms and such, the National Football League announced, yesterday, its name changes and schedules for the '99 season:
The Washington Native Americans will host the New York Very Tall People on opening day. Other key games include the Dallas Western-Style Laborers hosting the St. Louis Wild Endangered Species, and the Minnesota Plundering Norsemen taking on the Green Bay Meat Industry Workers.
In Week 2, there are several key matchups, highlighted by the showdown between the San Francisco Precious Metal Enthusiasts and the New Orleans Pretty Good People. The Atlanta Birds of Prey will play host to the Philadelphia Birds of Prey.
The Monday night game will pit the Miami Pelagic Percoid Food Fishes against the Denver Untamed Beasts of Burden. The Cincinnati Large Bangladeshi Carnivorous Mammals will travel to Tampa Bay for a clash with the West Indies Free Booters later in Week 9. And the Detroit Large Carnivorous Cats will play the Chicago Large Mountain Mammals.
Week 9 also features the Indianapolis Young Male Horses at the New England Zealous Lovers of Country.
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