Hotel Jokes - Page 11

The other day, my 13 year old daughter asked me where she came from.
I decided to be honest but you should have seen her face when I told her she came from a Portugese hotel room.

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A plane is on its final approach into an airport. The pilot comes on over the intercom. "This is Captain Martin. We're now on our final descent. I want to thank you for flying with us today, and I hope you enjoy your stay."
He forgets to switch off the intercom. The whole plane can now hear the conversation from the cockpit. The co-pilot says to the pilot, "Well, what are you doing today?"
Now all ears in the plane are listening in to this conversation. "Well," says the captain, "first I'm going to check into the hotel and brush my teeth. Then I'm going to ask the new stewardess out for dinner."
Everyone in the plane is trying to get a look at the new stewardess. She's so embarrassed that she runs from the back of the plane to try and get to the cockpit to turn the intercom off. Halfway down the aisle, an elderly lady grabs her by the arm to stop her, leans over and says,
"No need to run, dear, he's gotta brush his teeth first."

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Aviation Jokes Hotel Jokes

After a severe earthquake in Dublin, Ireland.
Rescuers were searching the rubble of a collapsed city centre hotel, when they heard a faint Irish voice shout “Help….! Fecking help me…!!!”
The rescuers shouted “Where are you..? ”
Paddy shouts “I’m in room 236” .

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Irish jokes Hotel Jokes

I parked up at a posh hotel in London last night, I looked out of the car window and saw Michael J Fox, Muhammad Ali & Bob Hoskins standing outside the reception.
I thought, “I’d better put a coat on, it looks fuскing freezing out there.”

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Sick and Death Jokes Hotel Jokes

“I’d like to check myself out,” I said to the receptionist at the hotel.
“Go ahead, there’s a mirror behind you,” she said.

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Masturbation jokes Hotel Jokes

The hotel has a live band and my favourite song is "We're going for a break now, we'll be back later".

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Sarcasm Jokes Hotel Jokes

A businessman hailed a cab from his hotel and asked to be driven to the hospital about a mile away.
The cabby started driving but he was only going about 15 mph.
The passenger banged on the partition and said speed it up.
The cabby screamed hit the gas and plowed into a tree.
The passenger said what the heck is wrong with you?
This is my first day driving a cab.
I drove for a funeral home for 15 years and no one ever banged on my partition.
You scared the living-daylights out of me!

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Business jokes Hotel Jokes

I burst into a hotel I was passing with a young girl over my shoulder last night.
“Please, I’ve just found her unconscious in the street,” I panted. “I think she’s taken an overdose of drugs.”
“Shall I phone an ambulance?” the receptionist panicked.
“No,” I replied. “I want a room.”

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Criminal Jokes Hotel Jokes

I walked up to reception in the hotel and said, “Sorry but I forgot what room I’m in.”
“No problem Sir, this is called the lobby.”

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Stupid Jokes Hotel Jokes

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. “But why?” they asked, as they moved off. “Because”, he said, “I can’t stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.”

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Hotel Jokes

“Hotel Rwanda” has a high score on Rotten Tomatoes. But their Yelp reviews are terrible.

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Hotel Jokes

Tom and Anna are both 60 years old and have been married for 40 years.
One day they go for a walk and all of a sudden a good fairy stands in front of them and says, “You’ve been married for so long and you’re so cute together, I’ll grant you a wish each.”
The woman is beside herself with joy and wishes for a trip to Thailand. Рооf – she’s holding two tickets to Thailand and a five star hotel voucher for two.
The man says, “Wow, that’s one chance in a lifetime! I’m sorry, darling, but I wish I had a wife that’s 30 years younger than me.”
“Are you sure?” asks the fairy.
“Yes!” replies Tom without hesitation.
Poof once more – and he’s 90.

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Long Jokes Hotel Jokes

Facebook and basic cable
Reading Facebook feels like I'm watching basic cable in a hotel: All I want is Comedy Central, but all I can find is the Food Network, workout infomercials and Fox News.

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Food Jokes Hotel Jokes

Sad news for music lovers today....
Justin Bieber was found in his hotel room, alive.

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Music and Musician Jokes Hotel Jokes

I went to a hotel on Friday, stayed for three nights, and came back on Friday.
My horse is named Friday.

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Horse jokes Hotel Jokes

The guests in this hotel are always stealing soaps, shower gels and shampoos from their rooms.
Dirty ваsтаrds!

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Good jokes Hotel Jokes

A mother in China gave birth to a 15-pound baby. Chinese officials say it’s so big, it can do the work of two babies.” -Conan O’Brien
Donald Trump announced he is building a new hotel four blocks from the White House. And with any luck, that will be about as close to the White House as Donald Trump will ever get.” -Jay Leno
“President Obama has ordered new sanctions against Iran’s central bank for engaging in deceptive practices. I’ve got a better idea, how about sanctions against OUR banks for deceptive practices?” -Jay Leno
A new report found that Facebook has created more than 450,000 jobs. Unfortunately, photos posted on Facebook have ended 550,000 jobs.” -Jimmy Fallon
According to USA Today, more Chinese tourists are coming to America. They get to see things they’ve never seen before: the Grand Canyon, the Statue of Liberty, adults working in factories.” -Jay Leno
Today, the United Nations approved a resolution to lift the sanctions against Iraq. … Yeah, the move will allow Iraqis to buy things they don’t have, such as medicine and weapons of mass destruction.

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Office and Work Jokes News and Politics Jokes USA Jokes Facebook Jokes Hotel Jokes Banker Jokes American Presidents Humor

An American businessman goes to South Korea on a business trip, but he hates Korean food, so he asks the concierge at his hotel if there's any place around where he can get American food.
The concierge tells him he's in luck; there's a pizza place that just opened, and they deliver. The concierge gives the businessman the phone number, and he goes back to his room and orders a pizza.
Thirty minutes later, the delivery guy shows up to the door with the pizza.
The businessman takes the pizza, and starts sneezing uncontrollably. He asks the delivery man, "What the heck did you put on this pizza?"
The delivery man bows deeply and says, "We put on the pizza what you ordered, pepper only."

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Korean jokes Hotel Jokes American Jokes

A photon walks into a hotel and the bellman says "can I help you with your bags?" And the photon replies,
"No it's ok, I'm traveling light."

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Physics jokes Hotel Jokes