Hotel Jokes - Page 11

The hotel has a live band and my favourite song is "We're going for a break now, we'll be back later".

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A businessman hailed a cab from his hotel and asked to be driven to the hospital about a mile away.
The cabby started driving but he was only going about 15 mph.
The passenger banged on the partition and said speed it up.
The cabby screamed hit the gas and plowed into a tree.
The passenger said what the heck is wrong with you?
This is my first day driving a cab.
I drove for a funeral home for 15 years and no one ever banged on my partition.
You scared the living-daylights out of me!

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Business jokes Hotel Jokes

I burst into a hotel I was passing with a young girl over my shoulder last night.
“Please, I’ve just found her unconscious in the street,” I panted. “I think she’s taken an overdose of drugs.”
“Shall I phone an ambulance?” the receptionist panicked.
“No,” I replied. “I want a room.”

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Criminal Jokes Hotel Jokes

I walked up to reception in the hotel and said, “Sorry but I forgot what room I’m in.”
“No problem Sir, this is called the lobby.”

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Stupid Jokes Hotel Jokes

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. “But why?” they asked, as they moved off. “Because”, he said, “I can’t stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.”

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Hotel Jokes

“Hotel Rwanda” has a high score on Rotten Tomatoes. But their Yelp reviews are terrible.

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Hotel Jokes

Tom and Anna are both 60 years old and have been married for 40 years.
One day they go for a walk and all of a sudden a good fairy stands in front of them and says, “You’ve been married for so long and you’re so cute together, I’ll grant you a wish each.”
The woman is beside herself with joy and wishes for a trip to Thailand. Рооf – she’s holding two tickets to Thailand and a five star hotel voucher for two.
The man says, “Wow, that’s one chance in a lifetime! I’m sorry, darling, but I wish I had a wife that’s 30 years younger than me.”
“Are you sure?” asks the fairy.
“Yes!” replies Tom without hesitation.
Poof once more – and he’s 90.

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Long Jokes Hotel Jokes

Facebook and basic cable
Reading Facebook feels like I'm watching basic cable in a hotel: All I want is Comedy Central, but all I can find is the Food Network, workout infomercials and Fox News.

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Food Jokes Hotel Jokes

Sad news for music lovers today....
Justin Bieber was found in his hotel room, alive.

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Music and Musician Jokes Hotel Jokes

I went to a hotel on Friday, stayed for three nights, and came back on Friday.
My horse is named Friday.

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Horse jokes Hotel Jokes

The guests in this hotel are always stealing soaps, shower gels and shampoos from their rooms.
Dirty ваsтаrds!

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Good jokes Hotel Jokes

An Indian cab driver picked up a Japanese man from a hotel. Along the way, they saw a Honda motorcycle overtake the taxicab and the Japanese guy said, "Motorcycle very fast, made in Japan." Then a Toyota car overtook the taxicab and the Japanese guy said, "Car very fast, made in Japan." When they reached the destination the fare was 1500 rupees. The Japanese man thought the ride was would only cost 500 rupees. He asked the driver why the ride was so expensive. The driver said, "Meter very fast, made in India."

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Nationality Jokes Men jokes Cowboys and Indians Jokes Hotel Jokes Japanese Jokes

What’s this daily charge for ‘fruit’? The hotel guess asked the manager. “We didn’t eat any.” “But the fruit was place in your room every day. It isn’t our fault you didn’t take advantage of it.” “I see,” said the man as he subtracted $150.00 from the bill
“What are you doing”? Sputtered the manager.
“I’m subtracting 50 dollars a day for your kissing my wife.”
“What? I didn’t kiss your wife.”
“Ah,” replied the man, “but she was there.”

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Men jokes Business jokes Hotel Jokes Boss Jokes

While away at a convention, an executive happened to meet a young woman who was pretty and intelligent. When he persuaded her to disrobe in his hotel room, he found out she had a superb body as well. Unfortunately,the executive found himself unable to perform.
On his first night home, the executive walked from the shower into the bedroom to find his wife wearing a stained bathrobe, her hair curled, her face creamed,her fат hairy legs propped up on a pillow and munching candy loudly while she pored through a movie magazine.
Then, without warning, he felt the onset of a magnificent еrестiоn.
Looking down at this, he snarled, “Why you ungrateful, mixed-up fсuкing son of a вiтсh. Now I know why they call you a fсuкing рriск!”

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Jokes about Women Dating Jokes Fat Jokes Hotel Jokes

After a long day of work, Kanye West goes to his Kanye Nest to take his Kanye Rest. He wakes up feeling his Kanye Best. Then he’ll get Kanye Dressed on his Kanye Vest to go on a Kanye Quest. He goes to church and becomes Kanye Blessed, then to a hotel room to be a Kanye Guest.

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Hotel Jokes

“In our traditional farm hotel, you are woken by the call of the cockerel!”
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“Very good, please tell him 9 o’clock.”

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Bad Jokes Hotel Jokes

A mother in China gave birth to a 15-pound baby. Chinese officials say it’s so big, it can do the work of two babies.” -Conan O’Brien
Donald Trump announced he is building a new hotel four blocks from the White House. And with any luck, that will be about as close to the White House as Donald Trump will ever get.” -Jay Leno
“President Obama has ordered new sanctions against Iran’s central bank for engaging in deceptive practices. I’ve got a better idea, how about sanctions against OUR banks for deceptive practices?” -Jay Leno
A new report found that Facebook has created more than 450,000 jobs. Unfortunately, photos posted on Facebook have ended 550,000 jobs.” -Jimmy Fallon
According to USA Today, more Chinese tourists are coming to America. They get to see things they’ve never seen before: the Grand Canyon, the Statue of Liberty, adults working in factories.” -Jay Leno
Today, the United Nations approved a resolution to lift the sanctions against Iraq. … Yeah, the move will allow Iraqis to buy things they don’t have, such as medicine and weapons of mass destruction.

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Office and Work Jokes News and Politics Jokes USA Jokes Facebook Jokes Banker Jokes Hotel Jokes American Presidents Humor

An American businessman goes to South Korea on a business trip, but he hates Korean food, so he asks the concierge at his hotel if there's any place around where he can get American food.
The concierge tells him he's in luck; there's a pizza place that just opened, and they deliver. The concierge gives the businessman the phone number, and he goes back to his room and orders a pizza.
Thirty minutes later, the delivery guy shows up to the door with the pizza.
The businessman takes the pizza, and starts sneezing uncontrollably. He asks the delivery man, "What the heck did you put on this pizza?"
The delivery man bows deeply and says, "We put on the pizza what you ordered, pepper only."

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Korean jokes Hotel Jokes American Jokes

A photon walks into a hotel and the bellman says "can I help you with your bags?" And the photon replies,
"No it's ok, I'm traveling light."

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Physics jokes Hotel Jokes