Jokes about Bosses

A blonde has been working in a broom factory since childhood, despite the state's strict anti-child labor laws, and has always been a good worker. But one day, she storms into her boss' office.
"I quit! That's it, I'm not working here anymore!"
"Why?" asks the boss. "What's the problem?"
"I've been working here for so long that I've grown the broom bristles between my legs. I can't take it anymore."
"Listen," the boss says. "That's perfectly normal. Look, I have those too."
"Oh, my God!" she exclaims.
"It's worse than I thought! You've also grown a broom handle!"

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There was this Mexican guy, Black guy, and Asian guy all working for the same construction company.
At the beginning of the day the boss calls a meeting with them about today's work.
They were all pretty new, so they had to be assigned jobs
He says to the Mexican guy, "You're in charge of the cement."
He says to the Black guy, "You're in charge of the dirt."
He says to the Asian guy, "You're in charge of the supplies."
After delegating out all the responsibilities he says, "I'm gonna be back at the end of the day to check on your work. It better be good or you're all fired."
The boss was quite serious and had a reputation for being shrewd.
They immediately get to work.
At the end of the day, the boss comes back and checks on their work.
He looks at the big pile of cement and says, "Nice work," to the Mexican guy.
He looks at the big pile of dirt and says, "Nice work," to the Black guy.
He looks around and can't find the Asian guy anywhere so he asks, "Where the heck is that Asian guy?"
All of a sudden, the Asian jumps out from behind the big pile of dirt and yells, "SUPPLIES!"

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Office and Work Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Boss Jokes

Theres this girl,she is five.
She goes spying on her big sister and she hears her cussing out her boyfriend and she says,"you mother fuскing аsshоlе!"
Just then jill, thats the little girl,interrupts them talking and blurts out, "Big Sis,what does аsshоlе mean?
The girl surprised by the question,says BOYFRIEND!
Okay , so the girl runs off onto the bathroom.
Jill sneaks up on her dad while he was shaving and says boo!
THE dad says "Shiт!"
So the girl ask her dad "What does shiт mean?"
And he stammers "Shaving cream".
So she said okay and went about her day.
Jill then runs into her mom, who was in the kitchen cutting the turkey.
Her mom is startled when Jill comes in, cuts her hand, and says "Fuск!".
So Jill ask "What does fuск mean momma?"
And scramblimg for an answer, her mom says "cutting."
All of the sudden, they hear the door.
Jill answers and sees her Dads boss at the door.
He ask "Sweetie, do you know where you everyone is at?"
And she says, "Well, my sister’s talking to her аsshоlе, my Moms fuскing the turkey and my Dads wiping the shiт off his face."

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Dad Jokes Dirty jokes Boss Jokes

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
Three-one to sue the power company for insufficiently supplying power, or negligent failure to prevent the surge that made the bulb burn out in the first place, one to sue the electrician who wired the house, and one to sue the bulb manufacturers.
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
Fifty four. Eight to argue, one to get a continuance, one to object, one to demur, two to research precedents, one to dictate a letter, one to stipulate, five to turn in their time cards, one to depose, one to write interrogatories, two to settle, one to order a secretary to change the bulb, and twenty-eight to bill for professional services.
How many members of the England cricket team does it take to change a lightbulb?
Four. One to change it after 85 overs, one to throw him the new one, one to drop it, and one to get caught rubbing something out of his pocket into it.
How many members of the Pakistan cricket team does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. "The players should only have to play 80 overs in a day. To expect them to do any more would place an unnecessary strain upon them."
How many football managers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
Well, it would only take one, but actually he doesn't change it at all if it worked all right for him last time (lest he gets caricatured on the back page of the gutter press.)
How many soccer players does it take to sсrеw in a lightbulb ?
Five. One to get into position to sсrеw it in, one to kick the legs out from under him, one to snатсh the lightbulb and pass it to his mate who, then goes and screws it in over the other side of the room, and one to roll around on the floor pretending to be really injured.
How many soccer players does it take to sсrеw in a lightbulb ?
15 - One to put the bulb in, 10 to kiss him afterwards, and the other side's back four to all stand around and put their hands up.
How many Americal college football players does it take to change a light bulb?
The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!

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Lawyer Jokes Secretary Jokes Boss Jokes

A frog goes into a bank, and hops up on the desk of the loan officer.
''Hi,'' he croaks.''What's your name?''
The loan officer says, ''My name is John Paddywack. May I help you?''
''Yeah,'' says the frog. ''I'd like to borrow some money.''
The loan officer finds this a little odd, but gets out a form. ''Okay,what's your name?''
The frog replies, ''Kermit Jagger.''
''Really?'' says the loan officer. ''Any relation to Мiск Jagger?''
''Yeah, he's my dad.''
''Hmmm,'' says the loan officer. ''Do you have any collateral?''
The frog hands over a pink ceramic elephant and asks, ''Will this do?''
The loan officer says, ''Um, I'm not sure. Let me go check with the bank manager.''
''Oh, tell him I said hi,'' adds the frog. ''He knows me.''
The loan officer goes back to the manager and says, ''Excuse me, sir, but there's a frog out there named Kermit Jagger who wants to borrow some money. All he has for collateral is this pink elephant thing; I'm not even sure what it is.''
The manager says: ''It's a knick-knack, Paddywack, give the frog a loan; his old man's a Rolling Stone.''

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Animal Jokes Office and Work Jokes Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Money jokes Men jokes Music and Musician Jokes Dad Jokes Banker Jokes Boss Jokes

While having their evening dinner together, a little girl looked up at her father and asked, "Daddy, you're the boss in our family, right?"
The father was very pleased to hear it and confidently replied, "Yes my little princess."
The girl then continued, "That's because mommy put you in charge, right?"

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Dad Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Boss Jokes

A guy shows up late for work.
The boss yells "You should have been here at 8:30!"
he replies:
"Why? What happened at 8:30?"

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Office and Work Jokes One-Liner Jokes Life Jokes Boss Jokes

If I won the Lottery, I wouldn’t be one of those people who immediately quit their jobs.
I’d make my boss’s life a living hеll for a week or two first.

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Money jokes Boss Jokes

Signs No One Reads Your E-Mails
1. You get replies with "REMOVE" in the subject header.
2. You accidentally encrypt them and nobody says anything.... For months.
3. You reference documents that need review/input, but forget to attach them and everyone emailed back saying the docs looked good.
4. When you send out the message, "Doughnuts in my cubicle!" and they're still there by the end of the day.
5. You send out an invitation to a lunch provided by a vendor, and no one shows.
6. You send repeated e-mails to everyone that the system would be down over the weekend for maintenance. Monday morning, your voice mailbox is full of questions about what happened to the system.
7. You offer increasingly larger amounts of money to whoever responds to your email... Still no takers.
8. You request a day off to attend a funeral and your boss replies with, "Fine - have a great time."
9. You announce that the entire department has given two weeks notice and no one responds.

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Monday jokes Boss Jokes

Why did Bossy tell the cowpoke to leave her calf alone?
She thought children should be seen and not herded!

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Animal Jokes Boss Jokes

Why did Bossy slug Roy Rogers?
She heard he was a cowpuncher-

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Animal Jokes Boss Jokes

The bank manager was in the final stages of hiring a cashier and was down to two final applicants - one of which would get the job.
The first one interviewed was from a small college in upstate New York.
A nice young man, but a bit timid.
Then he called for the second man, "Jim Johnson!"
Up stepped a burley young man who seemed quite sure of himself.
"He looks like he can take care of any situation," thought the manager, and decided, there and then, to hire him.
He turned to the first applicant and told him he could go and they would let him know.
Turning to Johnson, he said, "Now Jim, I like the way you carry yourself that's an important asset for the job as cashier. However, you must be precise. I noticed you did not fill out the place on the application where we asked your formal education."
Jim looked a little confused so the manager said, "Where did you get your financial education?"
"Oh," replied Jim " at Yale."
"That's very good, excellent. You're hired! Now that you're working for us, what do you prefer to be called?"
Jim answered "I don't care. Yimi or Mr. Yonson."

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Office and Work Jokes School Jokes Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes Banker Jokes Boss Jokes

When I got to work Monday, I was limping something awful. My boss noticed and asked me what had happened.
I told him, "Oh, nothing. It's just an old football injury that acts up once in a while."
My boss eyed me suspiciously and said,
"Gee, I never knew you played football."
I said,
"Well, I don't. I hurt it yesterday when I lost $100 on New York Jets. I put my foot through the television..."

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Monday jokes Boss Jokes

I went for a job interview today and the manager said, “We’re looking for someone who is responsible.”
“Well, I’m your man.” I replied, “In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.”

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Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Boss Jokes

Two factory workers are talking. The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off." The man replies, "And how would you do that?" The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside down from the ceiling. The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?" The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb." The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off." The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?" The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."

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Men jokes Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Light bulb jokes Boss Jokes

Part I
WHAT THE NEW JOB-LINGO REALLY MEANS by Dede Molter
"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY": We have no time to train you.
"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE": We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.
"MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED": You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.
"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED": Some time each night and some time each weekend.
"DUTIES WILL VARY": Anyone in the office can boss you around.
"MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL": We have no quality control.

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Office and Work Jokes Boss Jokes

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead all work for a female boss who always goes home early.
"Hey girls," says the brunette. "Let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know."
So the next day, they all leave right after their boss. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sеx with the female boss. She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time.
"That was fun," says the brunette. "We should do it again sometime."
"No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught."

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Office and Work Jokes Jokes about Women Blonde Jokes Sex Jokes Boss Jokes

A man phones home from the office and tells his wife, "Something has just come up. I need to go fishing with the boss for the weekend.
We leave right away, so can you pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and my blue silk pajamas? I'll be home in an hour to pick them up."
He hurries home, grabs everything and rushes off.
Sunday night, he returns.
His wife asks, "Did you have a good trip?"
"Oh yes, great! I think I really impressed the boss. But you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas."
"Oh, no I didn't. I put them in your tackle box."

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Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes Fishing Jokes Phone jokes Boss Jokes

A blonde walks into a electronic store and asks the manager, “Can I buy that TV”
“No”
“Why not?”
“Because your a blonde.”
So the blonde goes out and dyes her hair red.
She returned to the electronic store and said, “Can I buy that TV?”
“No”
“Why not?”
“Your a blonde.”
So the blonde goes and shaves her hair off and returns to the electronic store and says, “Can I buy that TV?”
“No”
“Why not?”
“You’re a blonde”
“How can you tell I’m a blonde, I dyed my hair red, then shaved it off!”
“Because that’s not a TV, that’s a microwave!”

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Technology Jokes Blonde Jokes Customer service jokes Boss Jokes

An old lady was considering buying a squirrel fur coat.
"But will it be all right in the rain?" she asked anxiously.
"Oh certainly, ma am," said the manager smoothly.
"After all, you've never seen a squirrel with an umbrella have you?"

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Animal Jokes Weather jokes Boss Jokes