Jokes about Bosses

A store manager Bob stopped by a small manufacturing plant he spotted during his last trip through a part of the countryside in the hopes of gaining another client in the area. However, little did Bob know that the plant manager was going to be a tough customer to please. With a broad smile and a reassuring tone, Bob handed the plant manager a beautiful box of cigars as a gift, but the man barely gave it a sideways glance before he said, "No cigars for me, thank you. I smoked one once, and it was horrible." Bob is nothing if not prepared, so he offered to take the plant manager out for a few beers, but again the suggestion missed the mark. "No alcohol for me, thank you. I drank it once, and it was horrible." Not ready to give up just yet, Bob got a bright idea as he looked out the window and saw people playing golf. "That's quite alright," he told the plant manager. "How about you come and play a round of golf at my club as my personal guest?" However, for the third time, Bob's luck struck out, as the plant manager replied, "No golf for me, thank you. I played the sport once, and it was horrible." The plant manager had barely finished his sentence when a young man joined them at the table. "Let me introduce my son, Jason," the plant manager said. Surprised, Bob gave the young man a quick once over before he replied, "Let me guess, he is an only child?"

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A bunch of Indians capture a cowboy and bring him back to their camp to meet the chief. The chief says to the cowboy, "You going to die. But we sorry for you, so give you one wish a day for three days. On sundown of third day, you die. What is first wish?"
The cowboy thinks for a moment and then responds, "I want to see my horse." The Indians get his horse. The cowboy grabs the horse's ear and whispers something, then slaps the horse on the аss. The horse takes off.
Two hours later, the horse comes back with a nакеd blonde. She jumps off the horse and goes into the teepee with the cowboy. The Indians look at each other, figuring, "Typical white man - can only think of one thing."
The second day, the chief says, "What your wish today?"
The cowboy says, "I want to see my horse again." The Indians bring him his horse. The cowboy leans over to the horse and whispers something in the horses ear, then slaps it on the аss.
Two hours later, the horse comes back with a nакеd redhead. She gets off and goes in the teepee with the cowboy. The Indians shake their heads, figuring, "Typical white man - going to die tomorrow and can only think of one thing."
The last day comes, and the chief says, "This your last wish, white man. What you want?"
The cowboy says, "I want to see my horse again." The Indians bring him his horse.
The cowboy grabs the horse by both ears, twists them hard and yells, "Read my lips! POSSE, dаммiт! P-O-S-S-E!"

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Blonde Jokes Cowboys and Indians Jokes Boss Jokes

There was a poor old Irish cobbler whose shop was next door to a very upscale French restaurant. Every day at lunch time, Mike, the Irish gent, would go out the back of his shop and eat his soda bread and maybe a kipper or piece of Irish blue cheese while smelling the wonderful odors coming from the restaurant's kitchen. One morning, the Irishman was surprised to receive an invoice in the mail from the adjoining restaurant for "enjoyment of food" Mystified, he marched right over to the restaurant to point out that he had not bought a thing from them. The manager said,
"You're enjoying our food, so you should pay us for it."
The Irishman refused to pay and the restaurant took him to court. At the hearing, the judge asked the restaurant to present their side of the case. The manager said,
"Every day, this man comes and sits outside our kitchen and smells our food while eating his. It is clear that we are providing added value to his poor food and we deserve to be compensated for it."
The judge turned to Mike and said,
"What do you have to say to that?"
The old Irishman didn't say a thing but smiled and stuck his hand in his pocket and rattled the few coins he had inside. The judge asked him,
"What is the meaning of that?"
The Irishman replied with a mile wide grin,
- "I'm paying for the smell of his food with the sound of my money."

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Irish jokes Judge and Court Jokes French jokes Restaurant Jokes Boss Jokes

Boss (to the new employee): We are very keen on cleanliness. Did you wipe your feet on the mat as you came in?
New employee: Yes, sir.
Boss: We are also keen on truthfulness. There is no mat.

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One-Liner Jokes Boss Jokes

An engineer, a physicist, and a lawyer were being interviewed for a position as chief executive officer of a large corporation.
The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with "How much is two plus two?"
The engineer excused himself, and made a series of measurements and calculations before returning to the board room and announcing, "Four."
The physicist was next interviewed, and was asked the same questions.
Before answering the last question, he excused himself, made for the library, and did a great deal of research.
After a consultation with the United States Bureau of Standards and many calculations, he also announced "Four."
The lawyer was interviewed last, and was asked the same questions.
At the end of his interview, before answering the last question, he drew all the shades in the room, looked outside the door to see if anyone was there, checked the telephone for listening devices, and asked "How much do you want it to be?"

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Lawyer Jokes Office and Work Jokes Math Jokes Boss Jokes

The chief of staff of the US Air Force decided that he would personally intervene in the recruiting crisis affecting all of our armed services.
He directed a nearby Air Force base that will be opened and that all eligible young men and women be invited.
As he and his staff were standing near a brand new F-15 Fighter, a pair of twin brothers who looked like they had just stepped off a Marine Corps recruiting poster walked up to them.
The chief of staff walked up to them, stuck out his hand and introduced himself.
He looked at the first young man and asked, "Son, what skills can you bring to the Air Force?"
The young man looks at him and says, "I'm a pilot!"
The general gets all excited, turns to his aide and says, "Get him in today, all the paper work done, everything, do it!"
The aide hustles the young man off.
The general looks at the second young man and asked, "What skills to you bring to the Air Force?"
The young man says, "I chop wood!"
"Son," the general replies, "we don't need wood choppers in the Air Force, what do you know how to do?"
"I chop wood!"
"Young man," huffs the general, "you are not listening to me, we don't need wood choppers, this is the 20th century!"
"Well," the young man says, "you hired my brother!"
"Of course we did," says the general, "he's a pilot!"
The young man rolls his eyes and says, "So what! I have to chop it before he can pile it!"

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Military Jokes Office and Work Jokes Aviation Jokes Pilot Jokes Boss Jokes

My boss is in the process of filling an open manager position.
I asked him to please hire a man because women are crazy.
He agreed with me.
I got upset that he agreed.
I'm pretty sure I unintentionally proved my point.

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Management Jokes Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Communication Jokes Boss Jokes

A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 in the morning. Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed. Just then, his wife sleepily sat up and said, "Mike, dearest, would you go down to the all-night drug store on the next block and get me some aspirin? I've got a splitting headache."
"Certainly, honey," he said, and feeling his way across the dark room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store.
As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise, "Say," said the druggist, "I know you - aren't you a policeman? Officer Fenwick, right?"
"Yeah, so?" said the officer.
"Well what the heck are you doing all dressed like the Fire Chief?"

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Police Officer Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Drug Jokes Cheating Jokes Boss Jokes

By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken.
"You've got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded. "Or just a bed, I don't care where."
"Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, a Navy guy," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost.
But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past.
I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you."
"No problem," the tired Marine assured him.
"I'll take it." The next morning the Marine came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
"How'd you sleep?" Asked the manager.
"Never better."
The manager was impressed.
No problem with the other guy snoring, then?"
"Nope, I shut him up in no time."
Said the Marine. "How'd you manage that?" asked the manager.
"He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room," the Marine explained.
"I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, 'Goodnight, beautiful,' and he sat up all night watching me."

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Military Jokes Gay and Lesbian Jokes Management Jokes Beauty Jokes Hotel Jokes Boss Jokes American Presidents Humor

The manager hired a new secretary. She was young, sweet and polite.
One day while taking dictation, she noticed his fly was open.
While leaving the room, she courteously said, “Oh, sir, did you know that your barracks door is open?”
He did not understand her remark, but later on he happened to look down and saw that his zipper was open.
He decided to have some fun with his new employee.
Calling her in, he asked, “By the way, Miss Jones, when you saw my barracks door open this morning, did you also see a soldier standing at attention?”
The secretary, who was quite witty, replied, “Why, no sir. all I saw was a little, disabled veteran, sitting on two duffel bags!”

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Dirty jokes Secretary Jokes Military Jokes Boss Jokes

Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous.
They are always getting into trouble and their parents know if any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved.
The boys’ mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys.
The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually.
The mother sent the 8 year old in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon.
The preacher, a huge man with a deep booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Do you know where God is, son?"
The boy’s mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.
So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?!"
Again, the boy made no attempt to answer.
The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy’s face and bellowed, “Where is God?!"
The boy screamed & bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.
When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked "What happened?"
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time!"
"GOD is missing, and they think WE did it!"

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Old People Jokes Kids Jokes God Jokes Men jokes Boss Jokes

A 21-year-old is hired by a hardware store. He shows up for his first day of work at 8 AM sharp.
The boss welcomes him, then hands him a broom.
"First, sweep out the store. Then I'll show you where the window cleaning equipment is."
"Sir," the young man protests. "You can't be serious. I'm a college graduate."
"Oh, sorry," says the manager, pointing to the broom. "No problem. I can show you how that thing works."

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Office and Work Jokes Management Jokes Graduation Jokes Boss Jokes

The below are valid reasons as to why drinking should be allowed at work.
If you use them wisely, you may even be able to convince your boss to allow alcohol.
1. It's an incentive to show up.
2. It reduces stress.
3. It leads to more honest communications.
4. It reduces complaints about low pay.
5. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover.
6. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear.
7. It helps save on heating costs in the winter.
8. It encourages carpooling.
9. Increases job satisfaction because if you have a bad job you don't care.
10. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.
11. It makes fellow employees look better.
12. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.
13. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted.
14. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.

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Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Food Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Boss Jokes

A well known TV Evangelists is booking into a posh hotel.
He tells the duty manager, "I hope the роrn channel is set to disabled"
The manager looks at him and replies, "No, it's regular роrn, you sick ваsтаrd!"

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Religion jokes Dirty jokes Management Jokes Hotel Jokes Boss Jokes

There was this Mexican guy, Black guy, and Asian guy all working for the same construction company.
At the beginning of the day the boss calls a meeting with them about today's work.
They were all pretty new, so they had to be assigned jobs
He says to the Mexican guy, "You're in charge of the cement."
He says to the Black guy, "You're in charge of the dirt."
He says to the Asian guy, "You're in charge of the supplies."
After delegating out all the responsibilities he says, "I'm gonna be back at the end of the day to check on your work. It better be good or you're all fired."
The boss was quite serious and had a reputation for being shrewd.
They immediately get to work.
At the end of the day, the boss comes back and checks on their work.
He looks at the big pile of cement and says, "Nice work," to the Mexican guy.
He looks at the big pile of dirt and says, "Nice work," to the Black guy.
He looks around and can't find the Asian guy anywhere so he asks, "Where the heck is that Asian guy?"
All of a sudden, the Asian jumps out from behind the big pile of dirt and yells, "SUPPLIES!"

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Office and Work Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Boss Jokes

A blonde has been working in a broom factory since childhood, despite the state's strict anti-child labor laws, and has always been a good worker. But one day, she storms into her boss' office.
"I quit! That's it, I'm not working here anymore!"
"Why?" asks the boss. "What's the problem?"
"I've been working here for so long that I've grown the broom bristles between my legs. I can't take it anymore."
"Listen," the boss says. "That's perfectly normal. Look, I have those too."
"Oh, my God!" she exclaims.
"It's worse than I thought! You've also grown a broom handle!"

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Blonde Jokes Office and Work Jokes God Jokes Boss Jokes

A guy rings his boss and says "I can't come to work today"
The boss asks why and the guy says "it's my eyes."
"What's wrong with your eyes?" asks the boss.
"I just can't see myself coming to work, so I'm going fishing instead..."

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Office and Work Jokes Animal Jokes Boss Jokes

Why did Bossy slug Roy Rogers?
She heard he was a cowpuncher-

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Animal Jokes Boss Jokes

A worker goes to his boss and says, ‘You have to give me a raise. There are three other companies after me.’
‘Is that so?’ says the manager.
‘And what companies are those?’
The worker replies, ‘The electric company, the telephone company, and the gas company.’

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Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Boss Jokes

Раddy got a job as a road line-painter.
He paints 5 miles on the first day, 2 miles on the second day and 1 on the third day.
"You get worse and worse every day!" yelled his boss.
"That is because the bucket gets further and further away every day." said Раddy.

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Office and Work Jokes Life Jokes Boss Jokes