Jokes about Bosses

Today my boss shouted at me for so long that in the end I replied unintentionally:
Yes, honey!

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A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work.
The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said,
"Your first job will be to sweep out the store."
"But I'm a college graduate," the young man replied indignantly.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom – I'll show you how."

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Office and Work Jokes Men jokes College jokes Management Jokes Graduation Jokes Stupid Jokes Boss Jokes

On a Roman warship, the galley boss looked over his slaves and shouted, "Today I have good news. All of you are getting extra food tonight."
The slaves all looked at him in silence, except one decrepit old man in the back, who moaned, "Oh God, no, not again."
A new slаvе next to him asked, "Why are you moaning?"
"This only happens when the Captain's nephew wants to water ski."

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Sports Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes Military Jokes Management Jokes Boss Jokes

A boss took one of his employees to show his new sports car.
"That is amazing" the employee was fascinated.
"That is true" replied boss "and if you set your new goals higher and work even harder I can get an even better car next year".

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Office and Work Jokes Sports Jokes Life Jokes Boss Jokes

Office executive: "Sir, can I have a day off next week to visit my mother-in-law?"
Boss: "Certainly not!"
Office executive: "Thank you so much sir! I knew you would be understanding."

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Office and Work Jokes Mother-in-Law Jokes Management Jokes Boss Jokes

The cleaning lady comes to the bank manager...
"Can you please give me the key of the safe vault?"
"What?! What for?"
"It's always so time consuming to have to use my hairpin in order to clean it!"

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One-Liner Jokes Banker Jokes Boss Jokes

The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent, but had not phoned in.
Needing to have an urgent work problem resolved, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted by a child's whispered, "Hello."
"Is your Daddy home?" he asked.
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?"
The child whispered, "No."
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"
"Yes."
"May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Hoping there was someone with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anyone else there?"
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy," whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?"
"Talking to Mommy and Daddy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A helicopter," answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed a helicopter."
Alarmed, confused, and a little frustrated, the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle..."Me!"

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Police Officer Jokes Boss Jokes

While the pope was visiting the USA, he told the driver of his limo that he has the sudden urge to drive. The driver was a good Catholic man, and would not ever dream of questioning the pope's authority. So the pope sat at the wheel, while his driver got in the back.
They were traveling down the road doing between 70 and 80 mph, when a policeman happened to see them. As he pulled them over, he called in to headquarters reporting a speeding limo, with a VIP inside it.
The chief asked:
"Who is in the limo, the mayor?"
The policeman told him:
"No, someone more important than the mayor."
Then the chief asked "Is it the governor?"
The policeman answered:
"No, someone more important than the governor."
The chief finally asked:
"Is it the President?"
The policeman answered:
"No, someone even more important than the President."
This made the chief very angry and he bellowed:
"Now who is more important than the President?!"
The policeman calmly wispered:
"I'll put it to you this way chief. I don't know who is this guy, but he has the pope as his chauffeur."

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Police Officer Jokes Superhero Jokes Boss Jokes

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.
"I should be in charge," said the brain, "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."
"I should be in charge," said the blood, "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."
"I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I process food and give all of you energy."
"I should be in charge," said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."
"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes."
"I should be in charge," said the rестuм, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."
All the other body parts laughed at the rестuм and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.
Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood was toxic. They all decided that the rестuм should be the boss.
The moral of the story? Even though the others do all the work... the аsshоlе is usually in charge.

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Office and Work Jokes Insult Jokes Food Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Management Jokes Communication Jokes Boss Jokes

A young Naval Officer was in a terrible car accident, but due to the heroics of the hospital staff the only permanent injury was the loss of one ear.
Since he wasn’t physically impaired he remained in the military and eventually became an Admiral.
However, during his career he was always sensitive about his appearance.
One day the Admiral was interviewing two Navy Master Chiefs and a Marine Gunnery Sergeant for his personal staff.
The first Master Chief was a Surface Navy type and it was a great interview.
At the end of the interview the Admiral asked him, “Do you notice anything different about me?”
The Master Chief answered, “Why yes. I couldn’t help but notice you are missing your starboard ear, so I don’t know whether this impacts your hearing on that side.”
The Admiral got very angry at this lack of tact and threw him out of his office.
The next candidate, an Aviation Master Chief, when asked this same question, answered, “Well yes, you seem to be short one ear.”
The Admiral threw him out also.
The third interview was with the Marine Gunnery Sergeant .
He was articulate, extremely sharp, and seemed to know more than the two Master Chiefs put together.
The Admiral wanted this guy, but went ahead with the same question.
“Do you notice anything different about me?”
To his surprise the Gunnery Sergeant said, “Yes. You wear contact lenses.”
The Admiral was impressed and thought to himself, what an incredibly tactful Marine. “And how do you know that?” the Admiral asked.
The Gunny replied, “Well sir, it’s pretty hard to wear glasses with only one ear.”

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Car and driving jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Military Jokes Boss Jokes

The manager hired a new secretary. She was young, sweet and polite.
One day while taking dictation, she noticed his fly was open.
While leaving the room, she courteously said, “Oh, sir, did you know that your barracks door is open?”
He did not understand her remark, but later on he happened to look down and saw that his zipper was open.
He decided to have some fun with his new employee.
Calling her in, he asked, “By the way, Miss Jones, when you saw my barracks door open this morning, did you also see a soldier standing at attention?”
The secretary, who was quite witty, replied, “Why, no sir. all I saw was a little, disabled veteran, sitting on two duffel bags!”

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Dirty jokes Military Jokes Secretary Jokes Boss Jokes

The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and tells whether you are qualified to be a "manager". The questions are not that difficult.
1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe and close the door.
This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.
2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
Wrong Answer: Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant and close the refrigerator.
Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door.
This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your actions.
3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference, all the animals attend except one. Which animal doesn't attend?
Correct Answer: The Elephant. The Elephant is in the refrigerator.
This tests your memory.
OK, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your abilities.
4. There is a river you must cross. But it is inhabited by crocodiles. How do you manage it?
Correct Answer: You swim across. All the Crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting!
This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.
According to Andersen Consulting World wide, around 90% of the professionals they tested got all questions wrong.
But many pre-schoolers got several correct answers.
Andersen Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most management consultants have the brains of a four-year-old.

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Office and Work Jokes School Jokes Animal Jokes Old People Jokes Management Jokes Boss Jokes

A young job applicant was being interviewed for an entry-level position.
His prospective boss asked, "Are you a smoker?"
"Not even a little," said the young man.
"How about alcoholic beverages?"
"Never touch 'em," he replied.
The boss smiled and asked, "So you spend a lot of time with girls?"
The applicant said, "No, not really."
"So you don't have any vices?"
"Well, I do have one," he admitted.
"And what would that be?" the boss asked.
"I tell lies."

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Drug Jokes Communication Jokes Boss Jokes

When the office printer color started to look a little off the manager called the local repair shop.
To the manager's surprise, the clerk said that it would cost $50 but that he might try reading the manual and doing it himself.
The manager replied in astonishment, "Does your boss know that you discourage business that way?"
"Yes", replied the clerk. It was his idea. We make more on repairs than cleaning printers if the owner tries to do it himself first.

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Office and Work Jokes Technology Jokes Money jokes Management Jokes Boss Jokes

The sales chief, the HR chief, and the boss are on their way to lunch around the corner.
They detour through an alley and stumble on a beat up but valuable looking brass container.
The sales chief picks it up and starts cleaning it with his handkerchief.
Suddenly, a genie emerges out of a curtain of purple smoke.
The genie is grateful to be set free and offers them each a wish.
The HR chief is wide-eyed and ecstatic.
She says, "I want to be living on a beautiful beach in Jamaica with a sailboat and enough money to make me happy for the rest of my life."
Poof! She disappears.
The sales chief says, "Wow! I want to be happily married to a wealthy supermodel with penthouses in New York, Paris, and Hong Kong."
Presto, he vanishes.
"And how about you?" asks the Genie, looking at the boss.
The boss scowls and says, "I want both those idiots back in the office by 2 PM."
Moral: Always let your boss speak first.

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Office and Work Jokes Management Jokes Genie jokes Communication Jokes Boss Jokes

The chief of staff of the US Air Force decided that he would personally intervene in the recruiting crisis affecting all of our armed services.
He directed a nearby Air Force base that will be opened and that all eligible young men and women be invited.
As he and his staff were standing near a brand new F-15 Fighter, a pair of twin brothers who looked like they had just stepped off a Marine Corps recruiting poster walked up to them.
The chief of staff walked up to them, stuck out his hand and introduced himself.
He looked at the first young man and asked, "Son, what skills can you bring to the Air Force?"
The young man looks at him and says, "I'm a pilot!"
The general gets all excited, turns to his aide and says, "Get him in today, all the paper work done, everything, do it!"
The aide hustles the young man off.
The general looks at the second young man and asked, "What skills to you bring to the Air Force?"
The young man says, "I chop wood!"
"Son," the general replies, "we don't need wood choppers in the Air Force, what do you know how to do?"
"I chop wood!"
"Young man," huffs the general, "you are not listening to me, we don't need wood choppers, this is the 20th century!"
"Well," the young man says, "you hired my brother!"
"Of course we did," says the general, "he's a pilot!"
The young man rolls his eyes and says, "So what! I have to chop it before he can pile it!"

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Office and Work Jokes Pilot Jokes Military Jokes Aviation Jokes Boss Jokes

"The handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."
"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
"So, you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"
"Yes sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"
"Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunк or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?"
"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
"Life's tough, it's tougher if you're sтuрid."
"No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."
"Just how big were those two beers?
"In God we trust, all others are suspects."

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Beer Jokes Boss Jokes

At a wine merchant's warehouse the regular taster died, and the director started looking for a new one to hire. A drunк with a ragged dirтy look came to apply for the position. The director wondered how to send him away.
They gave him a glass to drink. The old drunк tried it and said, "It's a Muscat three years old, grown on a north slоре, matured in steel containers. Low grade but acceptable."
"That's correct", said the boss. "Another glass, please."
"It's a Cabernet, eight years old, south-western slоре, oak barrels, matured at eight degrees. Requires three more years for finest results."
"Absolutely correct. A third glass."
"It's a Pinot Blanc champagne, high grade and exclusive," calmly said the drunк.
The director was astonished and winked at his secretary to suggest something. She left the room and came back in with a glass of urinе.
The alcoholic tried it. "It's a blonde, 26 years old, three months pregnant, and if I don't get the job, I'll name the father."

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Blonde Jokes Secretary Jokes Boss Jokes

During her company's periodic password audit, a blond employee was found to be using this password:
GoofyHueyLouieDeweyDaisyDonaldMickeyMinniePhoenix
When she was asked why she had such a long password, she said,
"The boss said that my password had to be at least eight characters long and have at least one capital."

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Blonde Jokes Boss Jokes

My boss came to me at lunch, "Where the hеll have you been? I've been trying to find you all morning!"
I shrugged and said, "Good employees are hard to find!"

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Office and Work Jokes One-Liner Jokes Boss Jokes