Kids jokes, Toddler Jokes, Children jokes

What do we do with crude oil?
Teach it some manners!

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Kids Jokes

Two tomatoes are trying to pass the street.
Suddenly, the one screams to the other:
"Car!"
(splash)
"Where?"
(splash)

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Kids Jokes

How do teddy bears keep their den cool in summer?
(They use bear conditioning!)

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Kids Jokes

Four year-old Harry, who could tell time, was playing with a wall clock when her grandpa visited.
Later, when he was putting on his coat to leave, the grandpa asked him what time it was.
He looked at the clock blankly, and then answered in a triumphant way, "It's time for you to go, grandpa!"

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Kids Jokes

The town’s local council remarks that the best lawyer in town never made a donation to charity tendency.
To convince him, the mayor calls him in his office:
Sir, I remarked that you’re revenue reached a number of $600.000.
With all these, you never made a donation to the charity...
If you looked into my files, did you also remark that my mother is sick, and the medicaments she needs exceed her funds?
No... answers mayor.
In second place, my brother, war veteran, is condemned in a wheelchair and he’s blind.
The mayor started apologizing, but was interrupted:
And more, my sister died into a car accident and left tree children orphans.
Stunned, the mayor says:
I didn’t know, please accept my apologies...
But the lawyer continues:
I don’t see why I should give you any money, if I don’t ever give them money...

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Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Kids Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Military Jokes Lawyer Jokes

How do children in Baghdad do?
Bombastically.

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Kids Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Military Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Wife: "How would you describe me?"
Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."
Wife: "What does that mean?"
Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot."
Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"
Husband: "I'm just kidding!"

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Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Dirty jokes Relationship Jokes

Chuck Norris can't have children, because his diск wouldn't fit.

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Kids Jokes Dirty jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Sex Jokes

He was so ugly when he was born they didn’t know whether to buy a cot or a cage.

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Kids Jokes

Dark Humor is like a child with cancer. It never gets old.

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Kids Jokes Old People Jokes

One day I was saw a kid sitting on the curb dressed in rags I asked if he was an orphan he said “Yeah what gave me away” I said his parents

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Kids Jokes

There once was two people Lisa and Brian
They got married and had a child.
The only problem was that the child was only a head, he had no arms, legs or torso.
So all his life he was picked on and teased and he always wished he had a body.
So when he turned 21 his dad took him to a bar and let him have his first вееr ever.
When he drank a whole bottle an arm popped out.
When he drank more bottles more body parts popped out.
After drinking many beers he finally had a whole body.
As they left the bar, he was very drunк and was hit by a bus and he died.
The moral of the story "Quit while you're a head."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Dad Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes Beer Jokes

Q: What's the difference between a trampoline and a zombie baby?
A: I take off my shoes when I jump on a trampoline.

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Kids Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Lawyer Jokes

Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday.
As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?" "Okay," I said. She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling, "SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... nакеd.

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Sex Jokes Office and Work Jokes Kids Jokes Dirty jokes Friendship Jokes Secretary Jokes Boss Jokes

Why did the frog cross the road?
Some mean little kid super-glued it to the chicken.

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Kids Jokes Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road Jokes Animal Jokes

My dad is retired now, and he moved to Florida. And its really great to be able to finally go down and visit him now that hes finally able to do those things in life that hes always wanted to do, which apparently is start drinking at noon and then head on out to buy me ugly shirts.

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Kids Jokes One-Liner Jokes Dad Jokes

There was this kid who wanted to divorce his parents, so he takes them to court.
The judge says,
"Do you want to live with your dad?" the kid says "no!
He beats me!".
The judge says,"you want to live with your mom?"
"No! she beats me too!".
So the judge says,
"Who do you want to live with then?"
The kid says,
"The Cleveland Browns... They can't beat anybody!"

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Sports Jokes Kids Jokes Dad Jokes

Kid:
“I wish I could be like Batman!”
Genie:
“Wish granted!”
When the kid gets home, both of his parents are dead.

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Kids Jokes

Why do two skunks argue?
Because they like to kick up a stink.

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Kids Jokes

- Dad, would you like to save some money?
- I certainly would, son. Any suggestions?
- Sure. Why not buy me a bike, then I won't wear my shoes out so fast.

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Kids Jokes Money jokes Dad Jokes