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Life Jokes

Newest jokes in this category
The first half of life if ruined by your parents, the second by your kids.
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Kids Jokes Life Jokes
A: "Why are you late?"
B: "There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill."
A: "That's nice. Were you helping him look for it?"
B: "No, I was standing on it."
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Men jokes Life Jokes
Religion is a lot more like politics.
The only difference is that with religion you get to confess your own sins.
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Religion jokes Political Jokes Life Jokes
-How is Ruth?
- Not sure. I broke up with her last month.
- Oh no. You're so Ruthless.
- And how long have you been waiting to use that?
- I'd rather not say.
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Life Jokes
Q: What do Captain Kirk and toilet paper have in common?
A: They both wipe out klingons.
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Military Jokes Life Jokes
Q: How many lightbulbs does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Depends on how clumsy you are.
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Light bulb jokes Life Jokes
Do you know the joke of "no me neither"?
No.
Me neither.
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Life Jokes
Texan:
"Where are you from?"
Harvard Graduate:
"I come from a place where we do not end sentences with prepositions."
Texan:
"Okay — where are you from, jаскаss?"
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Life Jokes
Whats the difference between a jeweler and a jailer? One sells watches and one watches cells.
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Life Jokes What's The Difference Jokes
Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence–a life sentence.
Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached.
Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind.
Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes.
Marriage requires a man to prepare 4 types of "rings":
* The Engagement Ring
* The Wedding Ring
* The Suffe-Ring
* The Endu-Ring
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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Wedding jokes Life Jokes Love Jokes
Q: What do you do when your dishwasher stops?
A: Kick him in the аss.
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Office and Work Jokes Life Jokes
You know you're ugly when you get handed the camera every time they make a group photo.
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Разбираш, че си грозен, ако всеки път те карат да държиш камерата на груповите снимки
Dark Humor Jokes Life Jokes Ugly Jokes
How many mex icans does it take to build...... Oh shiт, They're done!
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Office and Work Jokes Mexican jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Life Jokes
Mother to daughter advice: Cook a man a fish and you feed him for a day.
But teach a man to fish and you get rid of him for the whole weekend.
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Jokes about Women Men jokes Life Jokes
Teens are at an awkward stage in their lives.
They know how to make phone calls they just don't know how to end them.
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Kids Jokes Life Jokes Phone jokes
There was a trucker riding along on a highway, While riding he sees a priest on the side of the road sticking his thumb out trying to catch a ride.
So out of curtisy the trucker stops and picks up the priest.
They start chatting and having a good time.
On the way they see a homeless person on the side of the street.
The truckers veers off and hits the homeless person. *bu-dump* the trucker sees homeless person,*bu-dump* the driver who is laughing histerically wasn't watching the road and there was another bu-dump, The driver immediatly stops and looks around nervous."what was that?" he looks at the priest and the priest looks back.
"You missed a homeless guy, but don't worry I got him with the door."
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Priest Jokes Life Jokes Priest Jokes
Without you I can't breath.
I love you so much my nose.
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Life Jokes Love Jokes
I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like some fries."
The girl at the counter said, "Would you like some fries with that?"
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Life Jokes
Two muffins are sitting in an oven and one says to the other:
"Man, it's hot in here!"
The other one says:
"Ah! A talking muffin!"
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- Две кексчета си стояли във фурната и се пекли. 2 банички се пекат във фурната и едната казала на другата: Две кексчета се печат и едното казва: There are two muffins in an oven. The muffin on the left turns to the other and says, "Man, it's getting hot in here." The one on the right then says, "Holy sh*t, a talking muffin!" There were two muffins sitting in an oven. The first muffin looked at the second muffin and said, "Man, it's getting hot in here!" Then the second muffin looked at the first muffin. "Oh my God! A... One day there were two muffins in an oven, one of the muffins said, “man its hot in here.” The other one said “Oh my god! A talking muffin!!!” Estaban dos muffins en el horno y uno le dice al otro:uff! que calor y el otro responde:Ah! ¡un muffin que habla! Sind zwei Muffins in einem Ofen. Sagt der eine: "Himmel nochmal, ist mir heiß!" Darauf der andere: "Waaah! Ein sprechender Muffin!" Treffen sich zwei Muffins im Ofen sagt der eine: Ahhh, ich verbrenne!!! Sagt der andere: Hilfe ein sprechender Muffin!!! Sind zwei Muffins im Backofen. Der Erste: Mensch ist das heiß hier drin. Der Zweite: Ahhh Hilfe ein sprechender Muffin! Dois bolinhos estavam no forno. Um bolinho chegou e disse: — Ai!Tá quente aqui! O outro bolinho disse: — HAHAHA!Um bolinho falante! Det var två muffins i en ugn och då sa den ena - Oj vad varmt det är och då säger den andra - Holy shit, en talande muffin. Det var en gång två muffins i en ugn. Den första muffinsen sa: - Ojj, Vad hett det är här inne. Den andra muffinsen sa: - Hjääälp, en talande muffins!!! Två muffins sitter i ugnen. Den ena frågar den andra: - Tycker du det börjar bli varmt här inne? Den andra svarar: - Aaargh, en talande muffins... Två muffinsar ligger i en ung. Den ena utbrister: - Fasen va varmt det är här! Den andra förvånat: - Oh!Oj! En talande muffins! Twee muffins zitten in de oven. Zegt de ene muffin tegen de andere: "Hee, zullen we ontsnappen" Zegt de andere muffin: "Aaaa een praatende muffin" Lololololol Der sad 2 muffins i en ovn. - Den ene muffin sagde “Nej hvor er der varmt herinde.” - Så råbte den anden “Ahhhh en talende muffin.” Det var to muffinser inne i en stekovn. Den ene sier: – ÅÅåå så varmt det er. Den andre sier: – Næ, se! En snakkende muffins! Két muffin van a sütőben az egyik megszólal: - ÁÁÁ Égek!!! Erre a másik: - ÁÁÁ ez beszél!!!
Food Jokes Men jokes Communication Jokes Life Jokes
Cessna pilot:
"Tower, Cessna 12345, student pilot, I am out of fuel.
Tower:
"Roger Cessna 12345, reduce airspeed to best glide!
Do you have the airfield in sight?"
Cessna:
"Uh...tower, I am on the south ramp; I just want to know where the fuel truck is."
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School Jokes Pilot Jokes Aviation Jokes Student jokes Life Jokes
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